


Where I Belong

by misscersei



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Love, Marriage, Married Couple, Romance, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-02
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2020-07-29 01:43:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 43
Words: 86,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20074054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misscersei/pseuds/misscersei
Summary: It was a kind of love written on the stars. It was destined to be, that kind. It was not supposed to end the way it did. At the end of the day, you can either focus on what's tearing you apart or what's keeping you together





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> In this story Cersei and Jaime are married for 8 yrs and not giving a fuck what other peoples think but assuming its just after Cersei & Robert relationship didn’t work out, also Tyrion Lannister who’s already have a family in this story and few of their friends are all out support in their relationship :) ..
> 
> See, everythings working perfectly and every C/J shipper want’s this to happen but let’s see what are going to be the challenges. I honestly don’t know if you all going to like this story but i just want my readers to have a roller coaster emotions while reading it same emotion as when im doing it 
> 
> Let me know what you think…. here's Chapter 1

He wasn’t sure how to react to the fact that she was lying so far away from him on the bed. He wasn’t sure how to react that her mere shift would cause her to fall into the cold, hard floor. He wasn’t sure how to react about the fact that the only thing that seemed to warm them up at night were thick, heavy blankets. He wasn’t sure how to react to the mess of tangled sheets between them that seemed to take up the space where they weren’t lying, where they were supposed to be lying. 

He didn’t know how to. Somewhere along the road, he forgot how to. And somewhere he forgot how and when they came to this point. When everything was as different some good one, two years ago, it was hard to imagine how they came to this point.

He used to sleep so close to her and her with him, that they both felt their breaths on each other’s faces. They had been a very loving couple, both being very passionate people. They touched regularly, and there was a level of warmth, confidence and intimacy they shared with each other, with their love. He wondered, now, where that was. 

He watched her sleeping form, looking so peaceful and so content, and so utterly beautiful, and he felt his heart contract a little. The brisk Red Keep wind that early morning wisped all around them, but even the breeze of the wind was warm and did little to make the white curtains flutter against the wide open door leading to their balcony. But she still slept soundly through the humidity, like an angel, her chest rising slowly, enticingly ...beautifully. 

There was no reason why he shouldn’t and wouldn’t love her, he thought. She was perfect in every way, and he knew that they were given the chance, she would have been a terrific mother. But eight years of marriage brought no child, and only a love growing, which to him—was seemingly dissipating now as well. It was hard to imagine life without her, but lately she had been as far away as possible from him.

She stirred now, and he continued to stare. It had been too long ago since he had been able to watch her sleep. She’d been up more hours that she was resting, and was out more than she was home. But he didn’t blame her. Six years into their marriage, she began a Theatre school, she’s an actress and teaching kids in theatre and a little bit of dancing in addition to her jewelry line. And she was as busy as ever. He had loved it that she was finally able to reach her dreams, he even supported her through it—through the late nights when the last minute plans were being executed, when they had to refurbish everything in the building because the building they had bought did not look like a Theatre school at all, through the many nights of planning what is what, and through the many, harrowing, long nights full of meetings. He’d been there, sitting with her, waiting up for her at their house so she’d have a body to fall back on when she had been too tired to even stand up one more second. He’d been there waiting for her outside the building, no matter how tired he was from his own meetings, so she wouldn’t have to drive, and so they could at least have time together beside sleeping side by side. He’d been there to rub her aching muscles and soothe her of her pain. He’d been there for her without complain because he wanted her to reach her dreams, knowing she had someone to share it with.

But sometimes, like now, it seemed like her dreams took precedence of him, of their marriage, of them wanting and being a family.

He sighed, and brushed the stray blonde hair away from her forehead, leaning down to kiss her pink lips soft. Her eyes fluttered open, revealing alluring green pools, and she looked at him with drowsy eyes. But there was a soft smile on her lips that still made him melt sometimes.

“Hello, gorgeous,” he said softly, smiling at her as he watched her stretch out. The t-shirt she wore, which was his, rode up just enough to let him take a peak of her shaped legs. She wasn’t a tall woman, not at all, but her legs were delicious. He often thought that she had the best legs he had ever seen.

“Hello,” she rasped, her voice sounding gravelly in the morning. She extended her arms and placed her hand on his cheek, asking him without words to lean down and kiss her again—which he did. Her fingers wove their way through his thick blond hair. “Good morning, baby.”

“Definitely,” he agreed as his hand fell to the apex of her thighs, caressing her there softly. “It’s nice to see you still here when I woke up. Did you have a good kip?”

She nodded. “Mmhmm,” she replied. She pouted a little. “I’m sorry I haven’t been home much. You know how hard it gets running two businesses on my own.”

He just nodded, because he did know how hard it was for her. He didn’t want her to feel bad. He crawled on top of her, and began to kiss her lips enticingly, mentally smiling when she responded. 

“We have this thing to attend for the office tonight,” he informed her slowly, anticipating her rejection of what he was about to ask her, but wishing anyway that she wouldn’t say no. “Will you come with me?”

Both her hands came to cup his cheeks and she pulled his head down to kiss him again. When she pulled away, they were both panting, gasping for breath. She closed her eyes, and thought about what to say. “Hmm,” she began, “I don’t know if I…”

He pulled away and sighed, agitated. He anticipated her answer being no, but it didn’t make it hurt less. He hated that she seemed to have no time for him anymore. It was like somewhere along the road he became second fiddle to everything else in her life.

“Jaime?” she asked, trying to catch his attention and his eyes, but he wouldn’t give her either.

“It’s okay,” he said dejectedly. “I’ll just go alone. I suppose I shouldn’t even have asked you.” He began to stand up from the bed and was headed to the shower when her tiny hands grabbed his much larger ones. He looked at her, watching her as she stood up from the bed and walked over him to stand in his arms.

“I was going to say that I don’t know if I have anything to wear, but I’ll go,” she said, the pout on her lips was more pronounced as she looked at him with doe eyes. “You didn’t let me finish.”

He barely contained the gasp that would have escaped his lips. “Cersei?” He was mildly surprised, and lot more unable to believe what he heard. He looked down at her. “You’re really coming?” he asked incredulously.

She nodded. “Well, yes,” she said. “You told me about it two days ago, don’t you remember? I cleared my schedule for that today.”

He had indeed told her, but he didn’t think she’d even remember. Once again, he thought about how her job was slowly taking over her life.

“You remember?” he asked, once again. He couldn’t believe it.

She looked at him oddly, frowning, before she nodded again. “Yes, of course,” she said. “I always remember. You know that.”

To her credit, she always really did. Jaime nodded, feeling elated. He took her hand and took her to her humongous walk in closet. He scoured her dresser where he knew she kept her more formal dresses but was not exactly gowns.

“It isn’t really all that formal party,” he informed her. He pulled back a black strapless gown, which was long enough that the hem fell just a little below her knees. It was fitted at the bodice, and hugged her curves perfectly. He smiled. “I like this. Will you wear this?”

She smiled back at him and went to him, giving him a kiss. “Okay, darling,” she said, pleased at what he had picked. “What time are we leaving?”

“Around six,” he answered. “Why?”

She looked at him seductively then and smiled naughtily. Her hands went to his shoulders and she reached up to kiss him passionately. “Do you think we could have a round of this? Or two or four?”

He smiled his best Cheshire cat grin at her, and picked her up, throwing her over his shoulder and tapping her bottom lightly.

“You bet we have time for four hundred rounds of that,” he laughed, throwing her down the bed.


	2. Maybe not now, or Maybe not yet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Added another chapter today since im going to be quite busy in the coming days or weeks Enjoy!

It was exactly six ten in the evening when they left the Red Keep. Cersei was scowling at Jaime, but he was just grinning at her. He didn’t particularly care if they were going to be late. He didn’t even want to go. But he was going with the love of his life, and that should make it worth his while. At least, he thought.

“Oh get that scowl off your face my love” he teased gently, sending a warm grin her way.

“It doesn’t suit your beautiful face.”

He reached over and chucked her chin slightly, knowing it would make the corner of her lips turn up.Cersei crossed her arms in front of her chest, trying to fight off the smile that was threatening to burst from her lips. “Shut up,” she said.

“We’re going to be late, and it’s all your fault!”Jaime laughed.

“And how is it my fault, love ?” he asked. 

“As far as I remember, you were a willing participant. I didn’t put chains around you, or cuffed your hands. Although,” he paused and smiled a malicious grin her way, 

“that should make it a lot more interesting, don’t you think?”She laughed now. Her giggles reverberated across the small space, making a strange little echo, and making Jaime’s smile grows wider. “Oh God! Stop.” She smacked him soundly across his chest.

“Watch it woman!” he said, laughing at her. “And that wasn’t what you said earlier. I remember there was a ‘don’t’ there before the word stop.”

“My God, Jaime, you are bad,” she said. She checked her watch then and gasped at the time. It seemed as though they only had twenty minutes on the road if they wanted to make it on time. And they still had at least thirty minutes worth of drive to get there. 

“We are so going to be late! And it really is your fault.”He cocked an eyebrow, but his gaze stayed on the road ahead. “Why is it my fault?” he asked.

“Oh, it might have been the long time we took showering, or the tour we made of my walk in closet, or the time we spent cooking something on the kitchen counter, or maybe the time we spent swimming where my bikini found themselves afloat less than five minutes after I donned them on, or maybe it was the way we took another shower,” she said sarcastically, causing Jaime to laugh. 

“But wait, no, I think it was the time we spent getting some work done in the office, only we didn’t get any work done, because we were more like working on each other. Or maybe it was the time when I wanted to watch a movie, and you agreed and we were watching it, up until to the point where the theme music started and you declared it was a boring film. Or, and this is ultimately the reason, it was the time when I told you it was already five o’clock and you needed a bath or to get changed. I was dressed in my red robe, ready to get my make up done, and my hair done and put some clothes on myself, but you only stripped your clothes in front of me and dragged me back to bed where you proceeded to take my clothes off instead of letting me put them on.” She rolled her eyes and then looked at him, watching him as he tried to contain his laughter, his face going as red as a tomato with his efforts. 

“Take your pick, which will it be?”

He laughed then, releasing a full belly laugh. She smiled too, feeling as though her worries of being late left her. He was laughing joyously, laughing with her, after a long time of not being able to because of their busy lives. He was happy, and his eyes were tingling and she could see it, could watch him as he was laughing so merrily.

“Oh Love,”

he laughed, still unable to stop. He sucked in deep breaths, regaining control finally. When he did stop, his stomach ached a little. 

“You enjoyed it anyway.”She smiled, and sighed, her eyes and smile going wistful. 

“Of course I did,” she admitted. 

“I don’t think I’ve had that much work out in my entire life.”He gave her a crooked grin, the one he knew she loved so much. 

“We’ve had more exercise back on our honeymoon, and the first year we got married.” He shifted the gear and turned the steering wheel to the left as they reached their exit.

“We couldn’t keep our hands of each other.”

“We were bad,” 

she agreed, chuckling a little as she remembered how bad it had been back then. They simply couldn’t keep their hands off of each other, and ultimately had not even bothered trying to. To Jaime, it seemed like all they he thought about was sex, and when he thought of it, She was coming towards him thinking the same thing and doing to him exactly what they both had been thinking. And they did it everywhere and anywhere in the Red Keep, too, like they had done today. They even tried doing it once in a friend’s house and inside her car back then. It was always something she had been embarrassed to even talk about, but it was blissful to think about at the same time too.

“You’re thinking about it,” 

he said, interrupting her thoughts and touching her cheeks gently. His eyes had gotten a deep shade of green, a tell-tale symbol that he wanted her just as bad as she wanted him too. She nodded, unable to lie about it to him. He’d know anyway. He was built that way. He knew when she was lying. Tyrion always said it’s because they are one soul in two bodies, he said it was just because he was amazing.

“You too?”

she asked, softly, as if whispering a secret. Maybe, it was a secret. A secret reason they had lasted as long as they did.

“Mmhmm,” he admitted.

“Sometimes, when we get so busy and we don’t get to see each other or say anything longer than the whispered good nights, I think of those nights.” He had, unbeknownst to her, parked their car and was now unbuckling his seatbelt and then after, he unbuckled hers. He gave her a little kiss and winked. 

“We were so good together.”He would have loved to say that they still were, even now. But it was hard to say that and not feel like he was fooling himself. Lately, it felt like a shot to the moon to even get her undivided attention like he did today.

He climbed down the car and walked over to her side to open her door for her. He helped her as she stepped out of the car, kissing her cheek once she had two feet planted firmly on the ground. He wouldn’t fight the simple urges. It was what made it exciting anyway, the little things. It was what made it valuable, she’d always said. It wasn’t the grandiose dinner, or the over the top parties they attend to, or the ostentatious events. It was the way she would smile at him when she woke up, or the way he would kiss her when she would tilt her chin up to look at something. It was the little things he missed. 

“So,”

she started, as they walked together to the party, startling him out of his reverie and making him look down at her in slight question.

“Who are the people who are going to be here?”

“Just my friends and old colleagues and the model who is now the PR manager for the company that we hired last January,” 

he said,She raised her eyebrow.

“The um, Giant lady ?” she asked, laughing.He frowned.

“You shouldn’t say that,” he said, defensively. 

“She used to get bullied for being so tall and big woman .”

Her laughter faded, and the joyous face came away with it. It was replaced with a questioning glance. 

“You were the one who named her that, not me. I was merely making correlations. Why are you sounding so defensive all of a sudden?” She wasn’t mad, and her voice told him so, but she was confused.He shook his head, letting the grin crept to his face again. 

“Nothing,” he said. 

“I just got to know her, and well, she’s really nice. It’s just sad when people tease her about it, when they don’t even know her story.” He took her hand and kissed her knuckles.

“Let’s just forget about it, then?”

She nodded, albeit a little reluctantly. She didn’t know what to make out of that conversation but decided to let it pass. Whatever it was, it was something she had neither the time nor the energy to decipher. She’d just leave him to it.

“Okay,” 

she answered, letting the smile cross her features again. She hoped it wouldn’t leave for the whole night.When they entered the main place for the event, she found Jaime scanning the place immediately. She watched as his passive expression turned onto an expression of annoyance before returning to its passive state. She tried to look at what made him change expressions, but being that she was shorter than Jaime, she couldn’t see past all the people blocking their way. She frowned, until Jaime grasped her hand tighter and began to pull her around the area. She found herself amidst his colleagues, all with their wives, and one woman she didn’t remember ever seeing, with a man standing close by that she hadn’t seen either.“Cersei,” Eddard Stark, greeted her with a hug. She kissed his cheek and giggled. “I haven’t seen you in a long time Cersei..

”She giggled again. “I’ve been busy,” 

she said, looking around their little group.She was next greeted by Catelyn who was Eddard’s wife. And then Jon Arryn, who was one of Jaime’s bosses, and his wife, Lysa, came to hug her as well. And then, Stannis Baratheon, one of their Colleagues and brother of Cersei’s ex who also took delight in teasing Jaime Lannister mercilessly, came forward to give her a hug and a kiss.

“Cersei Lannister,” Stannis drawled, smiling.

“You look so gorgeous tonight.” 

He eyed her form fitting, strapless black dress appreciatively.She smiled and thanked him, giving him another kiss on the cheek, as Jaime watched on. She noticed that she kept his attention on her, and tried not to let on that he was trying to keep off his attention on the tall, woman across him.

“You’re so gorgeous, I wonder why you’re with an this Grumpy man as my brother” Stannis continued, jerking his thumb at Jaime who scowled at him. Stannis gave her a cheeky grin and squeezed her hand. 

“No they’re different you know your brother Stannis” 

“Ah Right but Leave him, Cersei. And then let’s run away together. we could go live in Storm’s end or somewhere. I promise I’m not like my brother” 

Cersei saw, from the corner of her eye, as the tall woman gasped, and her jaw dropped. She seemed to believe that Stannis was serious, as his face was serious and he was looking straight at Cersei’s eyes. But it was a joke that he always made whenever Cersei was around, to mess with Jaime because he found it a riot how Jaime was so possessive of her. Although he did have a little bit of a crush with her, and everyone knew that. Despite of what happened in Cersei and Robert relationship he was good friends with Jaime, and he would never betray their friendship like that. Cersei only giggled, waiting for that inevitable reaction where Jaime pulls her closer and scowls at Stannis even more, making a little remark to the extent of ‘She’s mine’. But nothing came. He did pull her close, though, and only kissed her hair. She frowned a little, but tried to recover from it, and then tried to smile.

“As much as I’d love to try im so done with the Baratheon,” Cersei said, 

earning a laugh from the people around the high, circular table.She turned her attention to the blonde haired woman before her husband and smiled. The woman was pretty, tall, and classy that Cersei could feel herself shrinking away. But she squared her shoulders anyway and kept the smile on her face. She offered her hand politely. 

“I’m Cersei Lannister,” she introduced herself. “I don’t think we’ve met before.”“I’m Brienne,” 

the woman said. Her voice was sweet with beautiful accent. “ It’s a pleasure to meet you.”Cersei fought the urge to cock her eyebrows. 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you too.” Brienne turned to the man beside her.

“And this is Podrick Payne,” she said, watching as the man offered his hand to the other woman. 

“He’s a friend of mine who was in town for the weekend, and decided that we should meet now as well. I brought him here after I showed him Kings Landing. I showed some beautiful scenery there and walk of fame of good actresses, but I don’t think he was that impressed.” She laughed, throwing her head back slightly. She was chatty, and there was something differently animated in the way she talked. Eddard lifted his eyes and smiled at Cersei. “Did you know that she’s an actress as well ” he asked Podrick who was sipping on his scotch.Cersei blushed and tried to contain her giggles.“Who?” Podrick asked, raising his eyebrows.“My wife ,” Jaime answered this time, his voice laced with pride, making Cersei look up at him in wonder. “My wife here is really great at it.”

“Oh…” Podrick trailed off, 

Suddenly he realised “ Oh yes quite remember seeing your name in there”  
Brienne and Podrick smiled. 

Cersei smiled softly. “I’ve chosen the quiet life away from fame and to be with my husband, and build a life with him.” She looked up at Jaime with adoring eyes, and Jaime tapped her nose lightly. 

“I won’t be able to do that if I was still a high profile. I still do some theatre acting sometimes, or teach. But I’m happy with my life now.” She smiled at her husband who smiled back at her and pulled her closer. 

Stannis gagged. “Please don’t kiss,” he said dramatically. “And I still think it’d be better sounding when it’s Cersei Baratheon.” 

Jaime glared at Stannis. “Shut it enough with Baratheon. My wife doesn’t want your name. She doesn’t want to bear the name Baratheon for the rest of her life.” He looked at Cersei and smiled. 

“Don’t you, my love?”Cersei smiled back at him. “Of course,” she answered, snuggling into Jaime’s embrace that seemed so warm an hour ago, and now seemed so empty. She frowned but didn’t let it show.  
“I can’t even begin to tell you why you’re missing out,” Stannis teased, making a grand gesture of pouting at her.She only laughed and shook her head.

“You can’t begin because I’m not missing out at anything. After all, it’s you, Stannis,” she laughed, making Jaime and the rest of the group laugh, while Stannis only pouted more and making a show of tugging Cersei away from Jaime, to which the couple responded by hugging each other tighter. “I’d say separation is the key.”

“Nope, that’s not it,” Jaime interjected before Cersei could make a reply. Cersei looked at Jaime, knowing what was next. 

“She just learned from the best.” He then, waggled his eyebrows, earning a smack from Cersei.And now they all laughed. Despite her laughs, however, Cersei felt like something was wrong. She felt the undercurrents that would surely find their way to break through the calm surface. Maybe not now or maybe not yet.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a crazy week but thanks for the review i really appreciate it. Im gonna try to update this fic more, maybe every other 3 days ? depends :) bother me or something if im not updating and please let me know what you think.

Cersei walked into the bedroom, finding it empty, and sighed. Lately, it seemed to her as though she hadn’t been seeing Jaime as much as she wanted to. It seemed like their schedule wouldn’t permit them to see much of each other, or at all. He was spending more and more time in the office, as of late. The last time she had even had a decent encounter with him was their little whole day romp on the day of that party they attended. And that had been two months ago. After that, he hadn’t been home much, and they hadn’t even touched each other. She was either asleep when he came home or it was the other way around.

Of course, she felt like it was unfair to put all the blame on him. She had been busy too. With her two businesses and their family, Although they’re not in very good terms with their father hating the idea of them being together at first. Their mother died when they were young and now he’s old and he only had her, Jaime and Tyrion, to rely on and Family means a lot to them. 

She supposed that she hadn’t seen much of Jaime and had failed to cater to his needs. But it seemed like it was more than just a physical distance that they have acquired throughout the days and weeks. Lately, he had been emotionally distant as well, and she had difficulty reading his emotions and feelings unlike before. When she was able to tell what he was feeling with a mere shake of his head or a flicker of his hand, she couldn’t even tell the look in his eyes on the rare moment or two that they had been together in one room and were able to look each other in the eye long enough. When that scene had happened, he’d walked out on her and a cold, sinking feeling resided on the pit of her stomach.

Recently, it felt like she didn’t know her own lover anymore. All these new revelations brought tears in her eyes, and made her knees weak. She fell to the foot of the bed, and cradled her head in her hands. She tried to ask herself if it was just her, or just that she was feeling particularly upset that day as she had found out that one of her student’s mother in theatre school had died of cancer, and was hoping to find a bit of comfort from Jaime but found that he wasn’t even at home as late as it was. 

Reluctantly, she entertained the thought that he was not in love with her anymore, but it brought more pain so she erased the thought. Jaime had promised to love her to eternity, he’d said it in his vows, told her those words every night and she’d believed it. He was never the one who broke a promise, if he ever did, more especially to her. She had been, as he had admitted, the only woman he loved He’d told her that, and she’d hold on to that.She heard the front door opening, and she hoped it was Jaime and not Tyrion who had a key to their house. Tyrion was the only person that Jaime had trusted enough, and that they both agreed to, to give a copy of the key. It was Thursday, and it was already eight in the evening. He usually came in around six, and called if he was going to be late, as she did with him as well. So it was a pretty safe bet that it was him.Before she could ponder more about who it could be,   
however, his voice had already woken her up from her musings.

“Hello,Cersei,” 

he said, walking towards her, a questioning look on his face. He sat beside her on the bed, and wiped away her tears.

“What’s wrong?”

She then remembered the tears that must have been wetting her cheeks, and her hands flew to her face and she wiped them frantically. It was such a silly thing to be crying about, and she wasn’t sure if she wanted to tell him. She shook her head.

“Nothing, it’s nothing,”   
she said softly, diverting her gaze so he wouldn’t know she was lying. But she felt his fingers lifting her chin and looking at her as if knowing that it wasn’t just that.

“Tell me,Cersei,”   
he said quietly, whispering his words as if coaxing it out of her.Denying him of anything had never been her strongest suit, and so instead of embarrassing herself of the real reason why she was crying, she lied to him instead.

“My student….—her mother died of cancer today,”  
she said, which wasn’t exactly a lie. She had been upset about that. 

“And I just couldn’t help but wonder how short life could be. My student’s just five years old, and now she has to live the rest of her life without a mother to watch over her.”

Jaime knew how close Cersei had gotten with her student because Cersei felt so much for the little girl. He watched as Cersei poured over the child because they both knew how it felt to lost a mother. So, he pulled her closer to him and rubbed her back, making her feel odd and comforted at the same time. Odd, because it was a bit of an awkward hug, and they had never been awkward ever.

“Life is indeed short,Cersei,” he said. 

The tone of his voice was low, soft and comforting. 

“But maybe, things do happen for a reason. That kid wouldn’t even have to live without a mother. In a way, a big way, you are that kid’s mother too, you know. I know you, and I know how you are with your students, they’re all like your kids. And I know we both know it’s awful to lose a parent, we’ve been there. But you’re there, like an angel to watch over that kid. And her father would be there as well, and a lot of other people who love her. She’s not going to be alone or without a mother to watch over her.”

He kissed her forehead and smiled.She nodded against his chest, knowing that he was right. But it still got her upset, either way.

“Thank you, Jaime,” she whispered softly. 

Her hand fell to his chest and her lips found the soft skin of his neck. She pressed those lips into his neck, inching her way to his own pair of lips. She had missed him.As she reached his lips, her fingers also found their way through his thick blond hair, and she went over to straddle him on the bed. His hands went to the small of her back, sliding down to her bottom, just as her fingers started to work on the buttons of his white button up shirt. She slid it off his shoulder, and started running her hand up and down on his chest, loving the feel of the downy soft hair she found there. His hands found the hem of her blouse and he pulled it over her head, making them break their kiss momentarily so they could get the blouse off of her. His hand fell to her back where he unclasped her black strapless bra. His fingers closed on one of the rosy tips of her bosom when his phone started ringing shrilly in his jean pocket, vibrating against Cersei’s leg and startling them both.She sighed, and deepened the kiss, willing the ringing to stop. But what Jaime did surprised her. He pulled away, and put her off his knee. He stood up, enabling her to see his solid erection which he was just blatantly ignoring as he strived to get his phone out. He looked at her bewildered expression and released a sigh. 

“I have to take this,” he said. 

He glanced at the little blue screen.

“It’s work.”

She pouted, feeling the moist in her panties seep through her jeans. 

“But Jaime, I miss you,” she complained, staring at his bulging member.He only smiled apologetically at her. 

“I’m sorry,” he said.

“I really have to take this.” 

And then he disappeared from the room and into his office. Cersei stared at him in disbelief that soon turned into defeat once she heard the door of his office shut. She flopped down the bed, lying on her back. She couldn’t believe he did that. He’d never let work get in the way of love making before. It must be really big project.Sighing, she got up and gathered her clothes. She wouldn’t be seeing much of him until bedtime, this she knew. So she opted to take a shower instead of moping around in their bed and pouting. At least her shower might help calm her.She shook her head, and then did what she ought to do. She wouldn’t wait for him, she thought. She’d go straight to bed, because waiting for him would be like trying to find a needle in a haystack.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As i was saying im not busy this week so this is quite a long update longer than usual :)

The next day, Cersei rolled over the bed to find the space next to her empty, and with only the sun rays to occupy them. She sighed. He wasn’t there when she fell asleep, and he wasn’t there when she woke up. Well, that had been a regular occurrence as of late.

She tried to take it off her mind as she got up and got ready for her day. She drove to her theatre school, unsuccessful in trying to get her woes to disappear. But she smiled anyway, if not for the benefit of her students that were all scattered about in the lobby of the building. She quickly made her way to her office, trying not to grab any attention. She wasn’t in the mood for socializing with anyone today. Her mind was too full for her to be able to concentrate on talking.

But there was a knock on the door, anyway, despite her wishes that there wouldn’t be for today. She looked at up to find Margaery Tyrell, one of the teacher and her friend, leaning against the door frame, a concerned look on her face.

“Hello, Cersei,” Margaery said, smiling at her. She kept her place, waiting for Cersei to motion for her to come in. She didn’t want to intrude, but Cersei’s usually vibrant green eyes had looked up at her with hollowness and sadness.

Cersei returned the smile briefly before she looked down and tried to find something to occupy her hands and thoughts, or just make her appear like she was busy. It wasn’t like she didn’t want to talk to Margaery or anything, she just didn’t feel like talking to anyone at all. She felt like if she talked about what she really wanted to talk about, she might wound up crying. And she didn’t want to have to cry—not over things that she wasn’t sure about, about suspicions that seemed to have no foundations at all, and have foundations too, at the same time.

“Hmm,” Margaery murmured as she walked towards Cersei’s desk slowly. She was Younger than Cersei. But despite that, they both clicked so well and Margaery knew Cersei well. Margaery was matured for her age, and was open minded, that was why they get along. And she was sweet-natured and have stunningly good looks. 

“Something wrong Cersei?”

Cersei looked up to find Margaery’s large brown eyes peering down at her in concern. Did she look so drawn out and stressed as she felt that Margaery had picked up on it just by looking at her? She shook her head.

“No, I’m fine,” she lied. She was as far as she could be from being fine. But she had to be fine. She watched as the svelte young woman’s pink lips screwed up in disbelief, and her perfectly shaped eyebrow rose, while taking a seat in front of her.

“You’re usually a good liar, Cersei,” Margaery told her gently. 

“But now your eyes say it all.”  
Cersei sighed. She needed someone to talk to, but she didn’t know how to talk about it. She only looked at the stack of papers in front of her and tapped her heeled shoe on the wooden floor, buying herself some time before speaking.

This was one of those moments when she hated herself for over thinking, overanalyzing everything. Jaime always admonished her for it, but it was hard not to. She was accustomed to having to analyze every angle, every situation. She always thought first before she spoke. She was the exact opposite of her Jaime who talked before he thought about his words, and decided depending on what he wanted at that moment. It worked for both of them. But when her thoughts eat away at her like this, it wasn’t exactly a good thing. It was unhealthy.

“Um, you have your fiancé, Renly, right?” she finally asked Margaery, who was patiently waiting for her to speak. Margaery bobbed her head full of brunette hair in the affirmative. “And you trust him, right?”

Again, Margaery nodded. “Of course,” she said. 

“With my life, I trust him, as cliché as that may sound.”

Cersei nodded, understanding the sentiment. She would trust Jaime anything and everything, even her life.

“Yeah, but would it make you a bad person, a bad fiancé, if lately, you’re finding more and more reasons why you shouldn’t?”

Cersei found it hard to swallow the lump on her throat, so instead she cleared her throat. 

“Maybe not with your life, you still would trust him with your life. But a part of you couldn’t trust him one hundred percent with, you know…fidelity, or loyalty. Or maybe, you’re just scared you’ve trusted him so much of your heart that he’s taking that for granted now?”

Margaery looked at her and pursed her lips.

“This isn’t about me and Renly, is it?” she asked. “It’s about you and Jaime.”

Jaime and Margaery had met many times in the past two years. Cersei would sometimes invite Margaery to dinner, or at their parties. And Jaime had taken into quite a liking with Margaery. He thought she had spunk, and maturity. And Margaery was nice and kind hearted too.

Cersei hesitated, before nodding. “Yes, yeah, I don’t know,” she admitted. “A part of me can’t help but wonder about how the things are lately, and there’s a part of me who doesn’t want to believe that other part of me.”

“Hmm,” Margaery mumbled, trying to find a way to know what was happening in a manner that wouldn’t offend Cersei, and wouldn’t come out as nosy. “Is there a reason why you should wonder?”

Cersei bit her lip. Was there? Well, yes, of course, there were. He’s given quite a few reasons, and then there was her intuition. But she couldn’t just suspect him just like that. It seemed unfair to him.

“There are signs, you know,” Cersei said slowly. She was struggling to voice out the signs, but she had to let Margaery see where she was coming from for the younger woman to understand that it wasn’t all just some stupid jealousy that was eating her away. 

“Like, he’s never home, or if he was, he’s always on the phone. He says it’s business but he’s never ignored me for business before.”

“Well, aren’t you the same, as well?” Margaery asked. “Not that I’m inferring that you’re ignoring him or anything, just that you’re always here as well, and, or on the phone too.”

Cersei nodded, conceding. “Yes, I know that. But it’s different. When we’re in a room together, which is exceedingly rare nowadays, he stares at the phone like he’s waiting for something. When I look at his eyes, he averts his gaze or walks out the room abruptly. His phone rings constantly, and I know I’ve said that already but it really just wasn’t that bad before.”

“Maybe, you’re still imagining your relationship as it was eight years ago, or four, or three. Relationships change as they years pass, you know that.”

“I know,” Cersei said softly. Sadly, she did know. 

There was a silence as Cersei’s words were left hanging in the air. Margaery stared at Cersei, trying to look for a way she could help but coming out nil. While Cersei stared at her desk, willing the sickening feel of suspicion to leave her alone.

“We haven’t had sex in two months,” Cersei blurted out suddenly, surprising Margaery and making her chuckle. When Cersei realized what she said, she gasped, horrified. She blushed. “I didn’t mean to blurt that out…God, I’m so sorry. You probably didn’t want to hear that.”

Margaery laughed. “It’s okay,” she said. “I think we’ve shared a lot of stories like that in the past two years.” Margaery caught Cersei’s hand in hers and squeezed in gently. “But I do think that it is bothering you.”

Cersei nodded shyly. “It isn’t like I’m a sex crazed nympho or something. It isn’t like that at all. But Jaime and I, well, we’re pretty much really, really red-blooded human beings. And we bask on our togetherness, if you know what I mean. We’ve never gone for far too long without making love to each other, really. And I know it sounds bad.”

Margaery nodded. “I get it, really I do,” she said. “Kevin and I are pretty much the same, so no judgments here.” Cersei sighed, gratefully. “Is there any reason why you think you guys would not be making love?”

“We’re both busy,” Cersei admitted. “Or maybe he’s not in love with me anymore, and he’s found someone new. Someone younger? It had been what was really eating at her if she was being honest. So she couldn’t help but think that maybe, just maybe, Jaime had woken up and found out for himself how much she had been lacking. It may have been a little too late, but then they always say that nothing’s ever too late.

“Listen to yourself!” Margaery ordered, annoyed that such a gorgeous woman doubted herself just because she has a suspicion that Jaime couldn’t keep it in his pants. 

“You’re a beautiful woman, more beautiful than most women your age and not. You’re smart, and sexy and nice, and loving and everything! Jaime has got everything in you, so why would he be looking at anybody else?”

Cersei bit her lip again, the bile in her stomach rising up to her throat. “I don’t know we don’t have a child,” Cersei said timidly and tentatively.

“Oh, for God’s sakes, Cersei,” Margaery complained. Cersei gasped slightly at the admonishment. “No offence meant to you. Jaime loves you, and you’ve told me months ago that he was accepting of fate, that there was a possibility that you guys wouldn’t conceive and too busy to have one; that even though neither one of you is barren, You told me that he was accepting of that and it doesn’t really matter to both of you

“I know,” Cersei confessed. “But still, I couldn’t help but feel like in a way I’m failing him. He’s never wanted a wife or kids, or any of that he told our father. But when we married, he expressed how badly he wanted to start a family with me and I just… I feel like a failure because I can’t even give him that.” The thought brought tears to Cersei’s eyes, and she was unable to contain the sob that escaped her lips. 

“Cersei,” Margaery said, as she reached out to take Cersei’s hand in hers as a sign of comfort. “Listen to me. He said he wanted to start a family…with you. With YOU. He’s a good man, from what I know of him, I’m pretty sure that he is. And I’ve seen the way he is with you. He is in love with you, because if it isn’t then I don’t know what to call that. So cheer up, you guys probably just need some alone time together. You know, where there is no work needed to be done, no cell phones and telephones ringing off the hook or crying children who scraped their knee because they fell on some step. You need to just be with each other. Just you and him, and maybe you’ll sort everything out.”

“Do you think so?” Cersei asked softly, as she wiped away her tears with her free hand.

“Yes,” Margaery said, standing up now and walking over to Cersei’s side to give her a hug. “He needs attention, and you do too. Plan something for tonight, and then call me tomorrow to tell me how it went.”

Cersei nodded. “Okay, thank you,” she told the younger woman.

“You’re welcome,” Margaery replied, winking at Cersei.

Cersei smiled, watching as Margaery left for her class. Before Margaery had fully left the room, however, Cersei’s plans for Jaime tonight were already flowing from her mind. She would blow her Jaime’s head away, both figuratively and literally.  
Cersei took the rest of the afternoon off, asking for favors from her colleagues to take her work for the rest of the day. They had gladly accepted, and she had been extremely grateful. She needed all the time she could get to prepare for her little surprise. Maybe, this would set the mood for them and something would change…for the better.

She then went to her favorite negligee store and bought the pair that she knew Jaime would love. It was a sheer red baby doll, with frilly panties that barely covered her bottom. Through the top, the dark of her nipples were seen clearly, and the amount of cleavage the top showed was nearly lethal. With a grin, she tucked it in her oversized purse, excited now to see how Jaime would react to it. Driving off to their home, she immediately went to the office and made changes on her schedule. It had taken hours, trying to adjust her schedule for the weekend, until Monday afternoon, but it was well worth it. She also called the airlines and made reservations for little vacation. He would be surprised that she had finally taken time off work to take a vacation with him. He had begged her for the past two years to go on a holiday with him, somewhere in Dorne, but she’d had declined, citing her work as reason. But she hoped, despite the initial surprise, that he would be as ecstatic as she. It had been a long time coming, anyway. She picked a location where they had their honeymoon she longed to feel the sand on her skin as they made love under the pale moonlight, and the waves crashing on her toes as she basked in ecstasy. 

Maybe. She was already turned on, just thinking about it. 

After she had booked their flight for tomorrow, she then went downstairs to the kitchen and rummaged through their fridge. Finding nothing that suited her taste, she opted to call in from their favorite restaurant and ordered their favorites. 

She called Jaime, thereafter, but was told that he was still in a meeting, so she decided to leave a message saying she needed him home early and that they needed to talk. She knew it sounded like a threat but if it would bring him home to her faster, then let him be nervous. It would all be worth it anyway, when she tells him that they’d be vacationing together. 

She debated with herself the repercussions of her impulsive actions. Jaime was and would be busy as well. But she’d known that Jaime could always take vacations at a drop of a hat. He’d been valuable to the company that he was allowed such extravagant privileges. And he was never known for him being able to deny her, so that was one thing off her list. 

Now she just had to set up the patio table, and hope against hope that tonight wouldn’t be a night that it would rain. Red Keep was notorious for being sunny, and it was, after all, the beginning of summer. But the weather was unpredictable, still, and as long as she lived, she never did guess when to anticipate the rain. When she waited for the rain, it wouldn’t come, and when she didn’t, it would. However, as she looked up the night sky, the oranges, violets and pink bursting as the sun bid another goodbye and the moon ought to say hello, the weather became the least of her worries. She dusted the table a little, using her hand to pat the white fabric, as she placed the candelabra on the table, making the whole setting more dramatic. She had made an effort, so she hoped it wouldn’t be wasted. Jaime would surely teasingly comment on how cheesy it was, eating a candle lit dinner underneath the sky, but he’d love it deep inside, and he’d tell her later that night when they’re tangled under the sheets, spent after a few rounds of making love.

When the doorbell rang, she made a beeline for the door and found the delivery boy in front of it, with their food. She paid him immediately, and closed the door. 

Maybe, she thought, she was cheating since their food was delivered, but hopefully, the food would be the last thing he’d notice. And hopefully, they’d skip to the dessert. She shook her head at her lack of modesty. here she was, planning to jump her husband’s bones, wishing that he would take her upstairs right away. Or maybe, she wouldn’t wait for them to go upstairs, and would just beg him to take her right there on the kitchen floor.  
“Geez,” she said aloud to herself. 

She laughed at herself and shook her head again, before heading to their pantry and getting a bottle of chardonnay out and chilling it. When she was sure that she was done, she went to their bedroom and took a quick shower so she’d have time to put her make up on and fix her hair before he arrived. 

She thought of the times she hadn’t been around to cater to her husband’s needs and felt bad. She wasn’t really the kind of woman who stayed at home and remained idle, and Jaime knew that. But she had always believed that she, at least, had to see to it that Jaime wouldn’t have to ask for anything. She felt like, lately, she had neglected him. But then again, they always talked about things. If he thought he was being neglected, he would have told her right away. But he hadn’t. She supposed she should have been more sensitive to his needs, and should not have been away more often than she had before. But it was different now that they had work. And it was difficult for her to be still or workless because the pain of knowing she could but wouldn’t have a baby ate at her, so she drowned herself in work so she wouldn’t have to remember. Besides, she had two businesses of hers to attend to. She wasn’t undermining his work in her mind, but when it came down to it, his schedule was more lenient than hers was. He could have gone with her when she did a two day job last week like he had in the past. But he hadn’t.

Sighing, and trying to put the thoughts away, she donned her new lingerie and covered it with her red robe. She was dressed up and all ready for her husband by the time the clock struck seven. But where on earth was he? There hadn’t been any signs of his arrival.

She talked herself out of calling him again or his office, just in case he was really on his way and was stuck in traffic. She didn’t want to have him worrying over nothing and making ways to come home faster, if it meant that he would come back home safer. So, instead of worrying she bit her bottom lip further, she walked to the kitchen and placed the food in the oven, but she decided not to heat it yet, just in case he wouldn’t be there for another half an hour. 

But half an hour passed and still no Jaime. 

Her concern was growing, and she was growing even more impatient as the clock ticked away. She was getting more and more distressed, waiting for Jaime.

Seven-thirty turned to eight, eight turned to nine, and nine turned to ten o’clock. But still, there were no signs of Jaime Lannister appearing on the front door.

Resigned, near tears, and with a broken heart, she placed the airline tickets that she had printed that night on the table. She walked over to the oven and took out the food, throwing them on the bin even though they haven’t been touched. What was the good of that food when she didn’t have anyone to share it with? 

He hadn’t come home, she thought sadly. She still didn’t know why, although she had a sneaking suspicion. But it hurt too much to think about it, so she decided to just sleep the hurt away. Trudging her tired body up the stairs to the bedroom and shrugging out of her robe, she collapsed on the bed, her tears instantaneously following the loud thump of her body falling on the bed. She hated him for standing her up, and she hated herself for being so naïve and eager. She wasn’t a teenager, and priorities change, but she had hoped that she was still his number one priority, as he was hers. It hadn’t seem like it for a few months, but if he asked her to drop everything for him—she would. She loved him that much.

Would it be fair now to say that she loved him more than he did her?

She didn’t know. Maybe. Probably.

But before she could answer her own thoughts, she heard the purr of his Car outside, and the smooth suave sound of its engine being turned off. The front door opened, and she could hear his light footsteps in the quietness of the night. She had thought of leaving him a note, telling him how nice dinner would have been had he shared it with her, but decided against it. The airline tickets and the table setting would suffice. There was a little shuffling heard from a far distance, but Cersei didn’t care anymore. She laid there in bed, with tears steadily streaming down her cheeks. 

As her hand stole up to her cheeks to wipe some of the tears away, the door of their bedroom opened and the lights turned on. She shifted, facing the other way, not wanting to see him or the look on his face. “Cersei,” he whispered, his voice thick with emotion. 

But she remained quiet and unmoving. She could hear the soft padding of his feet as he made the short way to their bed, and she felt the bed dip when he sat on his side of it. His hands were on her back, rubbing up and down, but she wasn’t budging.

I’m sorry,” he said, feeling miserable.

But he wasn’t as miserable as she.

“Whatever,” she said. “It’s done and over with. Please turn off the lights after you’re done.” Her voice was cold and distant, and she still wouldn’t face him.

She felt the bed shift a little, and then felt his body hovering over hers. He leaned down and kissed her forehead softly.

“I’m sorry,” he tried again. “I wouldn’t have an explanation that would justify what I did, but I am sorry.”

She looked up at his eyes and saw how sorry he really was. She took his face in her hands and pulled it down next to hers.

“Make it up to me now?” she asked, her lips capturing his in a slow, sensual kiss. Her tongue begged for entrance which he granted with a soft moan. She could feel his hands travel down her body, and when he pinched the peak of her breasts as they stood erect against the fabric of her nightie, she moaned. Her hands moved down from his neck, to the soft curls on his chest, down to his pants where she cupped his proudly standing member.

That seemed to set him off though, and he immediately dislodged himself from her and stood up and started to pace.

“What the hell?” she asked, beyond angry now. He stood her up, and now he wouldn’t even make love to her. “Unless you’re decapitated, or impotent, I am going to need a really good explanation why you just closed off on me like that.”

Jaime stared at her enraged eyes, and then looked at the ground. He shuffled his feet a little, and then ran his fingers through his hair, sighing.

“Jaime?” she asked heatedly, not in the mood to play his games. She was horny, she would admit, and she had just been stood up. She had the right to be angry.

“I don’t know how to explain it to you,” he confessed.

“Well then, try, because I cannot read your mind, and I’m not going to try and practice now,” she said.

“Cersei,” he responded meekly. His voice was caught in his throat, and he looked almost frightened. 

“Jaime,” she repeated. “I am not in the mood to play games with you.”

“I can’t do this Cersei,” he said. He stood by the door at the far corner of the room, wanting and needing the space.

“Well too bad, because we are going to talk whether you like it or not,” she said. “Don’t think I’d forget that you did the exact same thing to me last night.”

Jaime’s disgruntled features told her that something was really very wrong. His brush offs had told her those already, but his body language now was telling her that it was more than what she initially thought

“It’s not the talking that I can’t do,” he said softly.  
It was as if someone was shooting daggers on Cersei’s heart. But she buoyed on, knowing this was the time she would be absolved from all her miseries.

“Well, then good,” she said icily. “At least there is something you can do.”

“Cersei,” he warned softly. This wasn’t the time for sarcasm.

“You know what?” she asked. “Just tell me. I don’t think you can make me feel worse. Not when you’re already making it clear that you can’t make love to me now.”

He remained quiet for a few minutes, whilst Cersei only stared at him, glaring, wishing looks could kill so he’d be dead by now.

“I can’t make love to you, Cersei,” he finally said.

“Yeah, I think we’ve established that,” she responded, annoyed. The pain and resentment she felt were nearing the surface now, and she wanted to throw something at him. “What I want to know is why.”

He licked his lips before biting the bottom one softly. He was nervous, and it showed. He couldn’t even look her in the eyes. And even more so when the next few words left his mouth.

“I’m seeing another woman, Cersei,” he said. “That’s why I can’t make love to you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the reviews but anyway i just wanna know how many are you invested in this fic ? Only few are reviewing so i don't really know if there's people actually waiting for my updates and if there is please review at least let me know what you think maybe i'll get a little bit motivation to continue and another update this week :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all Thank you for all your reviews! Keep them coming! I love reading them! :) as promised and thank you for all your review's here's another update :D btw see my new icon? , I think it’s quite fitting for Cersei’s emotions for this chapter :)  
Anyway i know some of you are really mad and sad coz of what happened to them but this is only the beginning of the story i hope you all keep on reading. This is going to be a long story hold on guys.

There was a dead silence that fell between them as she stared at him with wide, tearful eyes, she’s trying so hard not to cry she keeps on reminding herself that she’s a strong woman and he hung his head low—unable to look up and meet her eyes. The loud ticking of the alarm clock on the bedside table heightened the deafening silence they shared. And every heartbeat, every second was more painful than the last. She couldn’t believe what he said, what she heard, and if she was being honest with herself, she didn’t want to believe it and suddenly the tears were a steady stream on her cheeks, and long gone now was her make up she had taken time to apply on her face. Her eyes showed just how broken she was at the statement he’d made, and that made it harder for him to look at her for a moment she’s just staring at him with a blank expression, finally she gave in with her emotions pouring in front of him her sobs now were making its way out her parted lips, and she was helpless to stop them. Even as she placed her right hand over her mouth, her sobs were taking over her, and her body began to rack at the intensity of it.  
Jaime, feeling miserable as he watched Cersei sitting up on their bed—crying her heart out, made a move to walk over to her. His slight footsteps as he padded the carpeted floor brought life back into her and she spoke in such a cold voice, it almost brought chills to his body.

“Don’t. Don’t you dare walk one more step and come closer to me. Don’t put your hand anywhere in my body.”

The deadness in her eyes told her how serious she was, and he backed off, making his way over to where he was mere seconds before. He stood, braced by the doors that remained open, as the humid wind wisped through.

“I’m sorry, Cersei,” he whispered.

“I never meant to, but it just happened. I never meant to hurt you.”

“But you did anyway,” she said flatly.

Her sobs had subsided to occasional hiccups, but her tears hadn’t dried, and she only ignored them. It seemed futile to wipe them away anyway, as they would fall again and wet her cheeks.

“That’s not fair,” he said. 

His voice almost sounded pouting, even to him. And it was hard, even for him, to get past through the hypocrisy of that statement.

“And you think this is fair?” she said. 

“That you slept with a woman—that you’re still sleeping with another woman, when you’re with me and married to me?”

With every word her voice rose, until her words were replaced once again by tears. And she had to gasp for breath. Fight for breath, fight for life it seemed.

“Don’t make it sound like that,” he said.

“It’s not a casual affair, Cersei.”

There was no use defending himself, he thought. If he was being honest, he knew that in her mind’s eye, it was a betrayal, as simple as that. It was black and white: he cheated on her, no matter what the reason. And it may be as simple as that. But it wasn’t. It was far more than just him sleeping with another woman.

“Like what?” she asked. 

“Like you fucked—no, are fucking—a woman behind my back?”

There was a loud silence that seemed to impair her hearing. She could see his silhouette as he hunched over the doors so far away from her. She longed to feel his arms around her, but she felt disgusted to want that. She didn't want Jaime’s arms around her anymore, not when he’d held another woman in those very same arms.There wasn’t a need for forgiveness. He wasn’t even asking for it.

“Who is she?” she asked. 

Her voice was distant and was as cold as ice, and her eyes stared at the blank wall next to him. She watched as he seemed to hesitate, his feet shuffling on the ground, his face growing blank for a moment, until his lips formed a thin line, as if he was preventing himself from saying anything. 

“Who is she?” she repeated.

“It doesn’t matter, Cersei,” he replied, 

his eyes looking more pained by the minute.She gave him a short sarcastic laugh. 

“It doesn’t matter,” she repeated slowly as if she just had heard the dumbest sentence. 

“Of course it doesn’t fucking matter to you, does it?” She turned away from him for a second, reigning her urge to throw something at him or strangle him

“Only, this does concern me, and it does fucking matter to me who you’re screwing behind my back.”

“I’m not screwing her Cersei,” he said slowly. 

He turned silent for a few moments, hesitating but in the end, admitting it to her anyway. 

“It’s Brienne.”

Cersei looked at him in shock, and images of a tall young woman flitted through her brain. 

“Tall woman, Brienne?” she asked him.

Her eyes danced in amused desperation and she was not able to control the equally desperate laughter that bubbled from her throat. She laughed at him, wishing she could sense the near hysteria of her manic laughter—the desperation in it—wishing he understood why she was laughing and see what she was laughing at.He nodded but offered her no more reply after that.

“Oh Jaime,” she said, her laughter, leaving her and the heaviness of the situation once again sitting on her chest. 

“Every once in a while, men would…there is a need for some attention and ego boost, and this situation is a common place one where most men your age have gone through…”

“It isn’t like that,” he cut her off, knowing now where she was headed. 

“It isn’t like what?” she asked then. 

“It isn’t like you fucking a woman almost half your age? No, it isn’t, is it?”

“Don’t make it sound so crass Cersei,” he said softly. 

“This—whatever Brienne and I have—isn’t like that. You don’t understand.”

“Then make me understand Jaime,” she asked of him. 

Her voice had turned pleading and the look in her eyes had turned into a look of slight begging. 

“Make me understand because right now I’m clutching at straws, and I need to understand how and why you can throw all that and years of marriage that we fought for for so fucking long with everyone for something as…as simple as this.”

“It isn’t simple, Cersei. It never was.” 

He was attempting to make her understand, but it was hard to put into words. 

“I’m in love with her, Cersei.”She couldn’t believe her ears. 

“In love with her?” she whispered, feeling as though all the life within her was sucked away from her by five little words. 

“Yes,” was his simple reply.

If Cersei thought he had flayed her on the raw when he said that he had been seeing someone on the side, he’d killed her now with this new revelation. It was one thing to know that Jaime now her husband was being unfaithful, for whatever reason it must have been. But it was another to know that he was in love with that woman.How would she fight if she didn’t have his heart anymore?How would anything go wrong when the world had fallen apart around her?He was walking towards her now, with his hand outstretched, seemingly wanting to touch her. But she flicked his hand away from her, ignoring the look of surprise that flashed across his face. She swallowed the onslaught of tears that threatened to overwhelm her.

“Don’t,” she said for the nth time that night. 

“Don’t you dare touch me. Don’t you even dare touch me ever again.” 

She wanted to scream but found that she couldn’t. If she said anymore, opened her mouth for one more word, she was going to breakdown and that would not be pretty. And given all the things that she had uncovered tonight, she would rather not show him anything of hers anymore.

“I’m sorry, Cersei,” he said sadly. 

“I never meant to hurt you. I tried. But I can’t try anymore.”

She didn’t make a reply, or any sound at all, and turned her back to him, wanting him to get out of her sight before she hurled something to his head deliberately.

“I’m really very sorry Cersei.” 

His footsteps became the answer to the unrequited sentiment, and the door closing softly was the last thing she heard before he was out of the room.For once, Cersei knew that it was the best he could do.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the reviews once again :) I’m quite busy this week so this going to be just a short update but i hope you enjoy :)

There was a different kind of calm after the storm that took place inside her. It was a long, drawn out kind of silence that makes someone go mad. She just couldn’t decide, right now, if it really was the calm after the storm, or just the initial hit of something much bigger, much larger than she could take.  
In the course of the night she had drowned in her sorrows, cried liters and liters of tears alone she can’t allow anyone to see her suffer like that not even Jaime, She asked for God’s presence, and demanded to know what it was with her that made Jaime leave her just like that. It was now four in the morning and she still had not gotten a wink of sleep yet, and still her mind would not stop working and turning. She needed her answers, yet she knew that she would never get them.

Maybe, in the end, he was right. He was just in love with the other woman and he’s tired of the kind of relationship they have .

The creaking of the door made her jump slightly, but she knew it was just him. He was probably coming in to collect his things. He went to sleep in the guest bedroom last night, and it had been because of her insistence that it was okay. Deep inside, she supposed it was just her making herself believe, in a very desperate manner, that he would realize that when he woke up in the morning, the bed was so much colder without her in it. 

Maybe, she would wake up and come to realize it only had been a nightmare. She closed her eyes, pretending to sleep and missing that moment when he would kiss her neck and tickle her—calling her off in her “sleep”. But she knew she was kidding herself. She could hear him rummage through the bedroom, the sound of suitcases being dragged and zippers hissing as they were opened becoming the official soundtrack of her morning. She wanted so badly to scream at him, beg him to stop, to reconsider, to ask him to stay—but if anything, the only thing left of her was her pride—she already lost the love of her life.

She loved Jaime. And she believed he loved her too. All the things he had done for her and all the moments he was there for her had told her that he did. But right at that moment, as she heard him wheeling his suitcases outside of the room they used to share, she couldn’t help but question how true his love for her was. And tears fell down from her eyes. Only now, she was too tired to wipe them away. Cersei went through the rituals of the morning like an automaton. She went downstairs at six o’clock and found that Jaime really had gone, and she was left in an empty house by herself. She found a note on the kitchen counter and scanned it quickly before balling it up in her fist and throwing it in the trash. After she had done that, she had collapsed on the kitchen floor, flooded by her tears. She could still remember his note, word per word.

I never meant to hurt you. I’m sorry, Cersei. –Jaime.

Was sorry even ever enough? 

‘No,’ she thought despondently, ‘it’s never going to be enough.’

Sorry wouldn’t be able to compensate for the amount of pain his leaving had brought her. There was nothing that could make the fact that he had cheated and was now in love with his other woman, alright. 

Nothing could ever mend her broken heart.

Him coming back would, but she knew it was a fat chance.

Knowing that she could barely even get herself together, she decided to call in sick. She knew that Margaery knew, from the sound of her voice, that it wasn’t just about her being sick but about something so much more. she knew, but mercifully didn’t ask anything, and left her to her own sorrows.

She wanted so much to call Tyrion since he’s the only family member now that she thinks care about them and ask for help, but she couldn’t. She couldn’t bring herself to do anything but cry on the bed she once shared with Jaime. Just yesterday she still believed it was their bed, yet now, just a day after nothing was ever “their” or “them” or “us” or “we”.  
She was all alone.  
*

Cersei went to work a week later, forcing herself to get out of bed and not cry herself through another day. She needed to start moving or else she would lose her mind. But judging by the way things had been going for her lately, she’d say she lost a big chunk of it already. She needed to pick herself up and try to move on.

‘Moving on,’ she thought bitterly. 

Moving on seemed out of the question right now, although deep inside she knew that it was the light at the end of the tunnel. How would she move on now that she found out that Jaime had been cheating on her right under her nose and she was too busy to even notice. She was too busy to be a wife. In retrospect, she didn’t think it was her fault. Life worked the way it did. But there was a big part of her that asked herself if she could have done something to make him stay.

Pushing the thought away from her head, she drove to her office. Once or twice she had found herself staring idly at the road, driving absently—a habit that Jaime loathed as he always feared something would happen to her.

“Fuck,” she yelled at no one, as she ran her fingers through her hair, frustrated. She now had her car on park, but the engine was still roaring. She sat inside her car, feeling as though she was going to explode. Tears threatened to overwhelm her and she bit back the inside of her cheeks to stop them from rolling down again. 

“Get the fuck out of my head, Jaime. Just get the fuck out, get the fuck out.”

She put her hands over her face and let it rest against the steering wheel. She was just so tired of telling herself that it was okay, that everything was okay, Jaime was gone now without the hope of ever coming back as a lover he was done with her and she was supposed to be okay with that. 

She wasn’t okay. Everything was not alright. And she was falling apart at a fast rate. She was at a loss of what to do now or where to go or what she wanted out of life anymore. The man she swore to love and cherish for the rest of her life had abandoned her, left her for another woman.

Everything that she had worked hard, they worked hard on to fight for it seemed nothing now. She didn’t have anyone to share it with anymore. What the hell was the point anymore?

She didn’t know. She just didn’t.

The life she lived that was once beautiful now turned sour and grey and she didn’t know how to turn back from there anymore.

She lost her way back.


	7. Chapter 7

“You look terrible,”   
Margaery commented as Cersei walked to her office. Margaery was sitting on a chair in front of the desk with a cup of coffee in her hand. She had been waiting for Cersei, as she had been concerned over Cersei’s week long absence. Nobody knew what really happened, other than Cersei felt sick and she couldn’t come to work. Being Cersei’s friend, she knew better and began to feel worried. She had every right to be concerned, it seemed. Her always glamorous friend looked like hell warmed over her body. A big contrast to Margaery that day as her hair was coiffed up perfectly on top of her head, and she looked way more awake than Cersei would probably ever would.  
“Thanks,”  
Cersei muttered as she reached for the coffee that Margaery offered. She gulped down a considerably large amount and Margaery stared at her. She knew she looked like a dead woman walking, with her dark under eyes, her hair in perfect disarray, and her clothes looking like she pulled them out from nowhere. She looked terrible, and she knew it.

“That’s very kind of you to say.” Margaery sighed.  
“I don’t mean to be offensive,” she explained.  
“I’m just worried. You look like the world crashed upon you. What happened?”  
Her large brown eyes peered at Cersei and Cersei felt as if Margaery’s expectations of life hinged on Cersei’s answer. She knew the younger woman had a high regard of her and have idolized her in so many ways. It would be a hard blow to deliver when she would eventually admit to Margaery that she and Jaime were separating.

“Something happened,” she said glibly, still unwilling to admit it to herself.   
“It’s nothing.”  
Margaery raised her eyebrow and looked at her as if she lost her head. It was clear that she was not buying it.   
“Oh, is that why you look like Satan paid you a visit last night?” she asked, unable to keep the sarcasm out of her voice.  
“Jaime and I are separating,” Cersei finally said, letting the taste of her words roll on her tongue. It was bitter and sour at the same time, and she knew she was so close to having a mental and emotional breakdown in front of Margaery. She looked up and tried to reign in the tears and at the same time, tried not to look at Margaery as she offered her a sympathetic glance. She didn’t need pity. She didn’t need sympathy.  
“Oh,” Margaery finally whispered. It was an exclamation of shock, of sympathy, and the inability to say anything that would make the pain go away. It was recognizing what her friend was going through and not knowing what to do.   
“Oh.”  
“Yes, oh.” Cersei said softly. She wouldn’t know what to tell Margaery either, had the roles been reversed. She knew, more than anything and anyone, that no words would make her feel better. Nothing could make the pain go away.   
“He left me for another woman. A younger woman, actually.”  
Margaery nodded softly, but didn’t say anything. What could she say? That she was sorry? Well that was pathetic and Cersei surely didn’t need that right now. She just needed someone to listen.  
“She’s a model, and I met her, you know,” Cersei continued. She was staring off into space, and was avoiding eye contact with Margaery. She didn’t know why she was burdening the girl with her troubles but the words were flowing out of her mouth and she was finding it so hard to stop them.   
“Pretty she was. Tall, …. And maybe she was everything that I wasn’t…looked like ”  
Margaery shook her head as a though fleeted through her mind. If Cersei noticed, she didn’t say. She only continued to stare at a distance and spoke in hushed tones as if she was sharing secrets or she was just so exhausted of all the emotions.  
“I should have known,” she added.   
“I mean, I knew something was already off when we attended that party…Jaime was different that night…and I should just have known.”  
“Oh Cersei,” Margaery said, not willing to sit there and listen to her friend blame herself for her Jaime’s failure to stay loyal.   
“This is not your fault…you couldn’t have known.”  
“But I wondered. And I left it too late to ask…too late to mend it.” She wiped her tears away dejectedly. She was still partly to blame, no matter how she looked at it. She should have known.   
“I guess I selfishly and foolishly wanted to believe that I could keep a wild animal on leash at my home.”  
“This is absurd,I never thought of Jaime like that” Margaery exclaimed, suddenly. Cersei looked up at her in shock.   
“I know this will be a futile and probably stupid attempt, but I am still willing to try. I refuse to let you wilt away because Jaime what a gem he has in you.”  
With that, she grabbed Cersei’s arm and purse, dragging her all the way to the parking lot of their office. She spotted her own car, and though she was a little ashamed of forcing Cersei into her little Ford car when Cersei drove a Bentley around, she still did it. It was for Cersei’s own good.  
“When was the last time you ate?” Margaery asked as she slid the car key into the ignition. The engines came roaring to life, and she backed away from the lot.  
“I’m not really hungry,” Cersei countered, as she kept her hands on her lap.  
“That doesn’t answer my question,” Margaery said.   
“When was the last time you ate?”   
“It’s been a week,” Cersei said.  
“I eat because I have to. I don’t know the exact times but I’m sure I’ve had a bite or two over the week.”  
Margaery nodded. She expected that. She couldn’t blame Cersei though. And more than anything, she wanted to go to Jaime’s office and strangle him to see reason.  
“Where are we going?” Cersei asked once they were on the freeway.   
Margaery gave her a quick glance before refocusing her attention to the road ahead.   
“Lunch, then a bit of a pamper time, and then it’s all up in the air.”  
“What about the students?” Cersei asked, looking genuinely worried.“  
It seems consciousness had left you. It’s the faculty meeting today…which you have missed already…so there are no classes. Most of the teachers are just decorating the halls for the autumn production.”  
“Oh,” Cersei said. She had not been aware of the time. It seemed that consciousness really did leave her, along with Jaime probably.  
For the rest of the day, Cersei let herself be dragged around by Margaery. She’d almost forgotten that Jaime was leaving. At the back of her mind, it still lingered, and she knew that later she would take out that thought later and mull over it. But at the moment, she let herself be distracted. She needed it anyway. One week of non-stop crying was already enough.  
She probably would cry more tears in the near future, she knew. She was yet to have a proper conversation with Jaime. The last time she had heard of him was when he left her a message saying he would collect the rest of his belongings when it was convenient for her. She hadn’t called him back, because for that, she was not yet prepared.  
“You should do something with your hair,” Margaery suggested when they passed a salon.  
“Something new, something different…” Cersei stopped walking for a moment and looked back at the salon. That didn’t seem like a bad idea. She knew how Jaime loved her hair, and most of the time he asked her not to do anything with it.  
The rebel inside her screamed that she should do it, just to spite. But a voice told her deep inside that he wouldn’t care either way.  
“I agree,” she said.  
“I’m bored with it anyway.”  
Margaery stared at Cersei in shock. She had suggested that to get Cersei back to earth when she noticed Cersei dozing off to dreamland again. She hadn’t thought Cersei would agree to it. She’d tried to suggest it to Cersei once before but Cersei had refused saying that Jaime was not a big fan of her trying to tamper with her hair.  
“I—uh, are you sure?” Margaery asked.  
“Yeah,” Cersei said.   
“I mean, you were the one who suggested it.”  
“I know,” Margaery admitted, “but I didn’t think you’d agree to it. I just thought of that to get you out of your dozing state.”  
“Well, you succeeded, and I agree,” she said. “Let’s do it. A cut would be nice but not so short of course just a little.”  
Bewildered, Margaery only followed.  
*  
The autumn production came faster than Cersei had expected. Before she knew it, she was faced with long hours of rigorous rehearsals and she did not have time anymore to over think. It was better this way, she thought. She didn’t have time to ponder over her thoughts or wallow in her sorrows. She only had time to think of making this production better.

“Mrs. Lannister,” one of the stage crews called for her attention, waving her arms up and down. She was at the edge of the stage and was watching Cersei manage the teen girls on the stage.  
Cersei turned around, her hair flying all around as she stopped and looked at the girl who called for her attention. She summoned her up the stage and looked at her expectantly.  
“Mrs. Lannister,” the girl started, but was immediately cut off by Cersei.  
“Call me Cersei or Ms. Lannister,” she said. 

“Mrs. Lannister makes me feel old. She failed to tell the girl that the reason. Still a Lannister but not “Mrs”. anymore very soon.

The young girl blushed and nodded.   
“Ms. Cersei, the sponsors for the production are here. Miss Tyrell told me to call for you.”  
Cersei nodded slowly and smiled. “Alright then, uh--,” she looked at the young girl briefly, 

“Little dove. Tell Margaery that I will be right there. Have her call others as well, okay?”  
the girl nodded and smiled before she climbed off the stage to follow Cersei’s instruction.  
Cersei watched her leave before she turned to her students. she walked away from them. She wiped the sweat off her neck and face while making her way to her office. She thought briefly of changing from her baggy shirt and tights into something more presentable but that would only take time. She didn’t want to make those sponsors wait. Running her fingers through her hair swiftly, she sighed and pushed the oak-wood door of her office. This would just have to do.  
Margaery gave her a soft smile and gestured to the sponsors before them. The sponsors of course would be paying for three-fourths of the production. Most of them were parents of the students, some of them purely enthusiasts ofActing, and some just wanting write off checks. Cersei’s theatre school had been a platform for students to have a chance to be spotted by a scout. She had supported some scholarships and these sponsors had flocked at her school, to write off big checks that would be a tax write-off. It wasn’t that she minded, it was a good thing, but at the same time she hated the fact that she felt like she was selling their talents.

But life worked that way.

“I’m sorry I’m late,” she told the people in front of her. “I was preparing for the main show.” She smiled and held out her hand for each and every one of the seven sponsors. 

“I’m Cersei Lannister.” 

“I, along with the rest of the faculty and the students, are very grateful for your help.”

Everyone nodded, and she further discussed with them what needed be done. A few more minutes later, as she finished her discussions with their sponsors, she looked up at Margaery and gestured for her. Margaery came rushing to Cersei’s side and bent slightly to hear what Cersei had to say.

“Please have them escorted for a brief tour of the stage or the school if they want to,” she instructed, her voice soft. “I need to see through the rehearsal.  
”Margaery nodded, “Sure,” she said. She watched as Cersei smiled at the sponsors before excusing herself and gesturing towards her—probably saying that she was left in charge. Margaery smiled at the sponsors and stepped forward, diverting her attention to them. But she couldn’t shake off the feeling of concern over her friend.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi Guys early and short update but maybe my last update for this week sorry i'm dealing with personal problem right now and really have no time to update yet but don't worry i will not abandon this story this needs closure :)

She willed herself not to pick up her phone and dial his number again—for the umpteenth time. If anything, she only had her pride left. She was not going to call Jaime and beg him to come back to her just because she felt the full force of his leaving. She was going to weather through it, like she had done with so many things in her life. She sighed. She really hated breaks. It got her thinking and her mind would always over work, and she hated that.  
It added to her penance even more as their father demanded that they, meaning her and Jaime, shared a meal with him. She knew she had to break it to their family that she and Jaime no longer were together but right now she wasn’t prepared to admit that. She wasn’t even prepared to admit it to herself. Maybe, she would just have to lie her way out of it or lie about where Jaime was and why, suddenly, their home felt empty and lonely and it was hers now not theirs.  
It was not any help, either, that Tyrion’s called her regularly. Not really daily, but they were always talking on the phone and so Catelyn, Jaime’s colleague and friend Eddard’s wife, called her almost thrice a week. They’re becoming closer than ever but It was the second time she had deferred her calls and she felt bad. She didn’t want to do this to his friends but the circumstances suggested that it was for the best. Jaime would want to bring Brienne in for gatherings and it was best that she didn’t hang around them only to be told in a subtle manner that she was making things complicated by sticking around his closest friends. She also didn’t want to be the one to break the sad news to them. Jaime could do that himself.  
Her phone rang shrilly beside her and she jumped a little, having been startled out of her thoughts. She clutched her chest with one hand, while the other reached for the phone. She wished it wasn’t Catelyn, she wouldn’t be able to go and avoid her now if it was and she doesn’t want to talk about it not now. She placed the receiver against her ear and sighed softly.  
“Hello,” she said, her voice quiet and with a catch that she tried to cover up with a cough.  
There was a long silence from the other line, and Cersei worried, before pulling the phone off her ear and staring at it. She put it back against her ear.  
“Hello,” she repeated. “Who is this?”  
“Cersei,” a voice rasped from the other line, and she gave a short but audible gasp.  
“J-Jaime,” she responded, beyond surprised. Had she known it was him, she wouldn’t have picked it up and let it go to voicemail.   
“Cersei,” he repeated, his voice sounding winded and strained.   
He sounded as if he cared, but Cersei knew better.  
“Is there something I could do for you?” She spoke in an icy manner, with cold professionalism—as if she was talking to a stranger rather that her partner her whole life. Ironically, it was the very same husband who had left her. “Is there anything I could help you with?”  
Jaime went silent, and she could hear him breathing heavily. He cleared his throat. “I, uh, need to collect the rest of my things.”  
Cersei nodded even if he couldn’t see her. “Sure,” she said emotionlessly. “I’ll be sure to pack them up for you. Some of them anyway.”  
He sighed. “There’s no need for that.” He felt bad for Cersei, for what happened and how it did happen, but he could not stop that now. And if he was being honest, he wasn’t sure he would. “I’ll just do it myself. I’ll go get them when you’re not there.”  
“It would take you more time,” she said. It crossed her mind that he’d want to get out of the house quicker and faster because he didn’t want any more encounters with her. She really did repulse him that much. “It’d be easier that way.”  
He thought she wanted him out of her hair soon enough. “Aren’t you busy enough with the fall production?” he asked her.  
It surprised her that he knew. She didn’t think he’d remember. She wanted to say that it wasn’t enough to keep him out of her mind, but the last thing she wanted was to sound so desperate, and set herself up for another rejection. She wouldn’t be able to bear it. “It’s fine,” she said finally.   
“Oh okay,” he answered, then he paused, seeming to want to hang up and not at the same time. “I’ll come in two days.”  
“Sure,” she said, hanging up without waiting for his reply or any form of goodbye.   
She couldn’t say goodbye anymore..  
*

Two days later, she found herself waiting for Jaime to ring her doorbell, as nervous and as anxious as she was when she was walking down the aisle on their wedding day. The thought brought a fresh wound in her heart. It was over. Him taking his thing now felt like it was final. It was over. 

Her marriage was over.

She settled herself in the living room and idly flipped channels, but not being able to concentrate on anything. Her mind kept drifting to Jaime, and Jaime alone. Her adamant little heart and mind could not stop. She had expected her brain to be able to rationalize with her heart but apparently, the two were in cahoots with each other in making her miserable. 

After an hour of misery, her doorbell rang. It was a windy afternoon, and she realized that the sun was just setting. What perfect timing. She had expected him to be a bit early, but well, he was here now. She slowed her pace, as she walked to the front door, and opened the door slowly as well. She didn’t want him to think that she was excited or nervous. The hour long of trying to calm herself had not worked.

“Hello,” she said, her gaze remaining on the floor. She could not bring herself to look at him, not now.

“Cersei,” he greeted, unsure of what to do and what to say since Cersei was not looking at him. There seemed to be no words left to say. “May I come in?”  
She jumped, startled, and stepped aside, letting him come inside. “I’m sorry,” she said, finally looking at him. There were shadows in his eyes, and he looked a bit thinner. He looked like he hadn’t had enough rest. But she reminded herself that it could most probably only be because of him being active at night—now that he had a woman who was not busy enough not to cater to his sexual needs. 

He looked at her, appraising her silently. She looked drawn out and exhausted, but she looked beautiful. He couldn’t speak and found himself staring at her, wondering what she was thinking as she stared at him.

“Your things are still in the bedroom,” she said. “I wasn’t able to pack your study, just the rest of your stuff from the bedroom. And as I am not that tall,” she paused, looking down painfully, knowing that Brienne, his new girlfriend was tall and that made her so insecure, she wanted to shrink, “and not quite strong enough, I could not bring the suitcases down,” she continued.

“It’s okay,” he said, ignoring her remark. He wanted to reassure her that her being shorter was not a bad thing, but it would all have been futile. And it would only hurt her more. Above all else, he didn’t want to hurt her anymore. “I can get them myself. I’ll also pack the study. I’ll bring what I can, and come back again for the rest if there are any.”

She nodded, leaving it to him. He was leaving, either way. “Do you need my help?” she asked.

“No,” he said, shaking his head. “I can manage.” With that, he turned on his heels and climbed the stairs, leaving Cersei alone in the den.

Cersei, having watched him walk away again, needed diversion. She knew it wasn’t the last time she’d have to watch him walk away from her, but it still hurt all the same. She walked to the kitchen and made a fresh pot of coffee, wishing she could divert her attention away from him. But every movement and hustle from one floor up reminded her that she was not alone in the house. He was there packing up his things, leaving her alone.

Every time she heard a noise upstairs caused by things moving, it brought a painful, excruciating ache in her heart.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Been very busy and problematic lately so kinda late update but i promise to update a little bit longer next chapter :)

She climbed the stairs slowly and knocked on his office door, bringing him a cup of coffee, a little while later. It was not for anything but her selfish need to see him, to be near him. She knew she was not and had not always been there around him all the time.She had missed him, of course, but the intensity of the way she missed him just now and recently had just been crazy.

She supposed it had a lot to do with the saying, ‘You don’t know what you had until you lost it.’

“Come in,” he said, his voice coming out a bit muffled.

She opened the door slowly and watched him lift one heavy box, the muscles on his back rippling with the effort. She could feel something blossoming on her nether regions and she tried to quell it.

“I brought you coffee,” she whispered softly, bringing forward the coffee she had made him.

He looked up at her, mildly surprised, mildly pained, and mildly pleased. “Thank you,” he said. “You didn’t have to.”

She gave him a strained smile. “It’s okay,” she replied. “I made one for myself anyway.”

He looked at her then, and nodded. He went back to his packing and stayed silent, trying to ignore the tension that has now enveloped the room.

“Would you stay for dinner?” she asked suddenly. She had failed to mention that their Father was coming over that night. It was not deliberate. In her nervousness and anxiety, she had forgotten to tell him that their Father was coming.

“No, thank you,” he said, shaking his head but continuing to pack up his stuff. “I don’t want to bother you.”

“It’s no bother,” she said. “father is coming over tonight. I’ll have to cook him dinner anyway.” It occurred to Cersei just how awkward this was, maybe it’s a bad idea to have a dinner with their father she’s not sure if their father would be pleased to know about what happened to her and Jaime. she’s not ready she was thinking if it’s only her to have dinner with her father she’ll try her hardest not to mention him but she couldn’t help it. She couldn’t decide whether she wanted him to stay for longer or if she wanted him to go and It was a sweet, exquisite torture. 

“Unless your girlfriend is waiting for you or you have an appointment.”

“No, I don’t have an appointment or anything,” he said. He looked pained, and his eyes flickered from her to the boxes and then to the ground. “But Cersei, I don’t know if…”

“They don’t know yet, Jaime,” she told him. She felt his eyes on her but refused to look back at him. “No one but Margaery knows that you’ve left me.”

“Cersei, please,” he implored her.

“What?” she asked him, looking at him now. “Don’t make it the way it seems. You’ve told me that. It isn’t the way it seems, you’re in love with your whore—,” she was interrupted by his loud, booming voice.

“Do not call her a whore,” he said steely.

She had only ever seen him angry like that when someone from before insulted her right in front of Jaime. Jaime had almost punched the guy in the face, had she not been fast enough to pull him away. “You’re in love with her. This is not a fleeting attraction or a meaningless one night stand and you claim that this is not you having a damned midlife crisis— you are sacrificing on your way other people’s feelings and a marriage that you have been in for long years!” she said, the intensity of her voice increasing as she spoke. It was hard to contain the resentment and anger. “You’re throwing away our life, Jaime. Not just your life. Yours and mine. I thought we’re in this together and I’m the only one that matters to you?”

He made a move to come closer and put his arms around her but her steeled look made him back away from her. There would be no touching her. “I didn’t mean to hurt you,” he said. “It was the last thing I ever want to do.”

“Yet you did anyway,” she said tiredly. “In the end, it was what had happened.” She looked at him and shook her head, feeling exhausted and drained from all the myriad of emotions going through her. “Stay for dinner.” Then she walked out the door and got the dinner started, telling and willing herself not to breakdown and cry.

Jaime came down a little bit later, as he finished packing most of his study. He left a few boxes that would not fit in his car and decided to just come back for them. He made a trip downstairs and noticed Cersei was busying herself in the kitchen. After he had placed everything in the boot of his car, he made his way inside and straight to the kitchen.

“I took most of the boxes but I have left some behind that won’t fit in my car,” he said, watching as she jumped, startled, and burned herself with the scalding hot pot. 

“Fuck.” “Shit,” she said,her hand immediately pulling away from the pot. She felt the burning sting in her palm and hissed in pain. She held her hand out and walked over to the sink, but she got intercepted by Jaime.

“Let me see,” Jaime said, pulling her hand. 

“No need,” she argued, trying her best not to let him see it. It was bad. Almost her entire hand got burned. “It’s fine. I can handle this.”

“No, let me see it,” he said, pulling her hand again. She tried to fend him off but he was much stronger and he won at pulling at her hand. “It’s basically my fault. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” she said, moving so they were at the sink. She pulled her hand away again and placed it under the running water. “I jumped and burned myself. Anyway, it’s nothing.”

He walked over to the refrigerator and took a couple of ice cubes, placing it on a piece of cloth. “I startled you and that’s why you jumped. I’m so sorry,” he argued, walking over to her and placing the cold compress on her hand before turning the tap off.

“It’s okay Jaime, really,” she said. “Have you taken everything you need?” She looked at him now, finally and saw his forehead knotted in concern. She used her free hand to smooth over the wrinkles, making him look at her. She smiled feebly, forcing it through her teeth. “I’m okay. No need to be concerned as much. This is nothing compared to what you…” she paused and swallowed. “I’m fine.”

“I’m sorry” he said, his voice sincere. He watched her eyes close and heard her breath hitch. “I’m sorry.” He placed her injured hand near his lips. He let his lips touch the middle of her palm.

She squeezed her eyes shut and tried to fight back the tears that wanted to escape. A stray tear streamed down and her face and she pulled her hand abruptly from his hold. “Stop,” she begged. “I know what you offer me is half of…I cannot take it, Jaime, please.”

He looked at her and shook his head. “I am trying to save what we are,” he told her gently, “ we’re still a family because before everything else you’re still my sister.”

She looked at him like he had lost his mind. “You’re throwing away your fucking promises a perfectly good marriage, Jaime,” she yelled at him angrily. Have you forgotten you told me you want me to be your wife, we belong to each other even tho i told you it can never be because we’re Brother and Sister? you never saw me as just your sister Jaime and now what ? fuck you! you cannot keep what is convenient for you. If you’re leaving, then you’re leaving, and that means nothing—and I mean nothing—gets to be kept.And that means not keeping your lousy fucking ‘you’re still my sister" to yourself.

“I still care for you,” he admitted. “I’m not going to stop caring because you mean a lot to me.”

“Well, I’m in love with you, Jaime,” she told him. “I’m fucking in love with you because you’re a husband to me, and there is a difference.” She turned away from him and walked back to what she was cooking. “Set the table, won’t you? father will be here in a few,” was the last thing she said as she turned down all hopes for them.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi you guys are still reading this fic ? I know i know, I seriously need to catch up on my writing 😅 & heres the next installment for this week.please don’t forget to leave a review, i really wanna know ur thoughts? :)

Cersei sat behind her desk that Thursday morning, making the last rounds of adjustments and finance auditing for their fall production the following day. It seemed like even three weeks of “final” preparations never became “final”. She had let herself be submerged in work rather than keep her mind on her failed marriage and her pain. She tried to bury that, along with the dinner she had with their father, with work. Her dinner with father and Jaime had been so painfully awkward, they barely made it through. Suffice to say, perhaps it wouldn’t happen again. The next time she would meet their father, she would most probably be divorced and have to tell him that he was right that it won’t work out for them and that Jaime had almost gotten all of his things out of their house, except for the last two boxes he was going to pick up later and the furniture he told her to keep or give away—he didn’t need or want it.

Twirling her pen with her fingers, she sighed and let her head rest on the desk. She was exhausted, if she was being honest with herself. Exhausted of everything around her, exhausted of the emotions she was feeling but was afraid to let out, exhausted of her life. But she wanted to believe that there was life after Jaime, after heartache. And she believed there was, she just needed to put that belief in action.  
Her musings was interrupted by her telephone ringing. Picking it up slowly and lethargically, she placed the receiver against her ear. “Hello?” she asked.  
“Hi Cersei,” the person on the other line said cheerfully, a bit too cheerful for Cersei’s liking. “It’s me Catelyn.”  
“Oh, hi,” she said, a little bit surprised. Besides the friends she had in her work and childhood, Cersei’s friends were mostly consisted of Jaime’s friends and their wives.  
She was friends with them but they didn’t really call each other on a regular basis. “How are you?”  
“I’m good,” Catelyn replied. “I’m good. I’m actually throwing a party on Saturday, you know, Sansa’s graduation. Eddard and I were hoping you and Jaime could come. I know you are busy with the fall production and Jaime with his stuff, but please say you both would come.”  
Cersei didn’t know what to say. She didn’t know if Catelyn would still want her there considering how she was now separated with Jaime. They became friends because Jaime and Eddard worked on the same field and were friends. She considered Catelyn a close friend, but she wasn’t sure what the other woman thought of her. After all, this was still Kings Landing. Some friendships seem deep but really they were just fake, pretentious and superficial.  
She didn’t want to say she was separated but she didn’t think she could lie on this one either. “Oh,” she began hesitantly, “actually, Catelyn, Jaime and I are separated.” She drew in a long breath, finding it so hard to let the words rest in her brain. “We have been for a quite a while.”  
“Oh,” Catelyn responded softly. She couldn’t believe it. She thought Jaime and Cersei’s relationship was amazing. She didn’t think it was perfect but it was so obvious how in love they were. It was almost hard to imagine them separating. “Eddard didn’t mention it. I’m not sure even he knows.”  
“It’s been new, a little. A few weeks, really,” Cersei said softly. “Um, if you still want me to come to the party, I will. But if you want to have Jaime alone, I’ll give you his new number or you can always call him in his office.”  
“Don’t be ridiculous, Cersei,” Catelyn said. “Of course we want you there. we will certainly miss you if you weren’t there. And who am I going to talk to if you weren’t there?” Catelyn laughed a bit, bringing a ghost of a smile on Cersei’s face. “Come. It’s at 5 pm. It’s also a celebration for Sansa, you know? For the fall production, so you get in here Saturday, okay?”  
Cersei smiled softly but fully now, glad to know that she wasn’t as desolate and alone as she thought. “Of course, thank you,” she said.  
No, she wasn’t that alone.  
And her life goes on.  
*  
Cersei watched with an overwhelming sense of pride and a little bit of nervousness as she watched her students on stage. They were doing a good job so far, and their mistakes had been so minimal, it was almost unnoticeable. Everything was going perfectly well and she could not be any more proud than she was at the moment. As the last notes of the piece rung out, and the actors did their last line, the curtain fell down and it brought forth a thunderous applause from the audience. She couldn’t help but beam.  
The curtain opened again, and this time, Margaery stood in front of the audience, wearing a wonderful smile and holding a microphone in front of her face. “The academy and its faculty extend their gratitude to the sponsors and to the parents and to everyone who are here tonight to experience and witness the production that we, the teachers and the talented students, have put up for all of you. We are grateful for your patience and support and enthusiasm. We are grateful for these talented students who have given their all for this production, and the teachers for their devotion and patience.” The crowd applauded and Margaery paused, smiling. “And of course, we thank our head teacher, and boss , the one and only, Ms. Cersei Lannister.”More applause rang forth and Cersei winced slightly at the intensity of it, but the smile on her face never wavered, and for a moment, she forgot about everything but the enthusiasm of the people around her. It made her heart thump in pride and happiness.She approached the stage with her student’s urging, and reached for the microphone Margaery was holding out for her.“Thank you, everyone,” she said, unable to contain her happiness. “Thank you for making this night possible, thank you for your patience and dedication. Thank you for everything, really, thank you, thank you.” She put her arms up and waved, immediately tearing up when one of the students came to her holding out a bouquet of roses and baby’s breath. She picked it up and gave the young girl a kiss on the cheek. She looked at the audience, and something or rather someone caught her eye from the back of the stadium. Before she could figure what or who it was though, she was being nudged by Margaery, and she snapped off back to reality. “Thank you,” she repeated.When the hype ended, she walked backstage and smiled at everyone, congratulating them for a job well done. In her past productions, Jaime would usually be waiting for her backstage with a bouquet of roses in her hand or he would be the one to hand her the bouquet on stage. He would be waiting on her, beaming with pride, and ready to give her a long, sweet kiss. This year, not only was he not the one to do that, he was also not there. That was the sad realization she had. There would be no more of that.He’ll probably rather spend his time with his new Girlfriend “Congratulations, Mrs. Lannister,” one of the stage managers told her with a smile. “It was a great show.”She smiled and extended her hand to the stage manager. “Thank you, and congratulations to you as well. This would not have been possible without any of you.”“You’re welcome, ma’am,” the stage manager said. “It’s been our pleasure.”“Aw,” she said softly. “Come to the after party, okay?” She smiled.“Yes ma’am,” the stage manager said, nodding before excusing herself and walking away.Cersei made her way to her office, and pushed the door softly. Now that the hype had died down, she felt exhausted. She shook her head slowly, trying to work out the kinks on her neck. She looked up and found two bouquets of roses on her table. One was wrapped in white paper and the roses were all red. The other one was wrapped in red and black paper, and the roses were all white except for the three in the middle which were all red—Jaime’s trademark. She gasped softly, before closing her eyes. She must be dreaming. But when she opened her eyes again, the roses were still there. She was not dreaming.She walked over to her desk and grasped the flowers, looking for a tag, or a card or anything that would indicate who the sender was. Surely it would not be Jaime who sent that, right? He wouldn’t send her anything anymore. She turned the flower softly, weary of ruining it, but found nothing. She sighed. If this was a prank, then it sure as hell was not funny at all. She moved to the other bouquet and looked for the card. She turned it when she found it and read what was written.  
‘You make everything around you beautiful.’-O.  
That was all that was written, nothing else. There was no name, no way to find out who it was from. She didn’t know whether to be happy or not at what she had gotten. Sighing, she went to the after-party. Tonight, she would let go of all her problems—even just for tonight.She was sitting beside one of her colleagues, Lyanna, with a glass of martini in hand later on in the after-party. They were at the Bar, and she was watching most of her other colleagues and employees dancing and laughing at the dance floor. This was usually the time when she would be begging Jaime to dance with her, in which he would decline—saying he didn’t dance in public—and she would go to the dance floor with some other friends, seducing her husband and trying to get a rise out of him.‘Enough, Cersei,’ she admonished herself.“Was that Jaime I saw watching at the back of the auditorium, Cersei?” Lyanna asked her suddenly, waking her up from her reverie. “I think I saw him at the back, and not on his usual spot, right by stage’s edge.”Cersei looked at Lyanna, surprised. She was so sure that her mind was playing games with her when she caught sight of Jaime’s figure while she was on stage earlier. But if Lyanna had seen Jaime, then she couldn’t have been imagining him. “You saw him at the back of the stage?” she asked, her voice sounding odd even to her ears. She couldn’t believe it.“Um,” Lyanna murmured hesitantly, unsure of why Cersei seemed to be surprised and all of the sudden she got curious. “Yeah, I did. So did the others in there and some more other faculty and stage managers.” Lyanna blushed a little. “We talked about it, a bit.”Cersei nodded slowly. She didn’t want to shout from the rooftops that she would be divorced soon, but she wouldn’t exactly deny it if asked. “I didn’t think he would make it,” she said vaguely, looking away now.Lyanna nodded, getting even more curious—Jaime never missed a production—but decidedly, she let it go. Cersei was a very private person, and she let well enough alone with everybody. Lyanna thought she deserved the same amount of respect.A little while later, Lyanna excused herself to get another drink. Margaery came bounding toward Cersei, smiling and panting from exhilaration. She sat next to Cersei, and nudged her with her shoulders.“You don’t want to dance?” Margaery asked her, pointing at the dance floor. “You love to dance right?.”Cersei shook her head. “I’m not really in the mood right now,” she said. She saw Margaery frown a little before nodding. “Where’s Renly?”“He only was able to watch the show,” Margaery replied. “He has a conference from High Garden.”Cersei nodded slowly. She knew all too well the perils of working on multi-national companies, Jaime her soon to be ex-husband lived that life. They sat there in silence, the sound of music blasting through the speakers filling in on the quiet. Margaery was trying to make her feel like she was not alone, and she was grateful for this, but she knew there was no way she wouldn’t feel alone. Not when there was a big gap in her heart that no one could fill. Maybe Jaime could do that, but he didn’t want to—not anymore.“It was a good show, you know,” Margaery said suddenly, unable to stand the silence any longer. “You really did a good job.”Cersei smiled weakly. “I owe it to all of you as well,” she said. “I didn’t do it alone.”“Yeah, well,” Margaery said, smiling. “Just doing our job, boss.”“Jaime was there at the back of the auditorium,” she blurted out suddenly, earning a glance and an eyebrow raise from Margaery. “He was watching.”“He was?” Margaery asked, softly. Cersei nodded. “Yes,” she replied. “And there was his usual bouquet of roses in my office when I went back.”Margaery gasped, and then smiled. “Are you guys getting back together?” she asked excitedly.Cersei’s face fell. She wished. But no, it was not happening. “No,” she said, shaking her head. “No we’re not. Last time I checked, he is still leaving.”“Oh,” Margaery said, a hint of sadness coloring her voice. “Then how? Why?”“I don’t really know,” Cersei admitted. “I thought I saw him on the audience while I was up on stage, but I then soon believed that it was a figment my imagination because I wanted him to be there so badly…” Cersei trailed off, realizing now, full force, how badly she had wanted him to be there.“But?” Margaery asked, noticing to the apprehension in the other woman’s voice.“But, Lyanna and some of the stage managers said they saw him as well. And the flowers…there was no card whatever, but he never did put cards on it…I just always know it’s from him. He’s the only one who gives me those kind of flowers…rather, the arrangement, he’s the only one who does that.” Cersei sighed and took a big gulp of her drink, and ordered for another one when the waiter came by them.“Cersei,” Margaery said. She really didn’t know what to say. Should she congratulate Cersei? Should she be sad? It felt like a big mess, really. Actually, it was a big mess. “Do you think he’s changing his mind?”“I don’t…I don’t know,” Cersei confessed, hanging her low, wishing she knew the answer. “No, I guess not. The last time we talked, he told me he wanted to keep our relationship as his sister. What kind of fucked up request is that, even?”Margaery nodded, understanding and patient with her heartbroken boss. Of course Cersei wouldn’t want to keep it just like that, she felt like she’s never just a sister to him anyway,“I just wish he’d stop, you know,” Cersei said when Margaery didn’t speak. “It just hurts so much more when he’s like this.” A single tear trickled down Cersei’s face and she scrambled to wipe it away. “If he’s going to leave, he should just leave…I know he’s leaving anyway. Why make it so hard for both of us?”Margaery took her hand in hers and squeezed it tight. “But what if he wants to come back?” Margaery asked, slowly. “Will you take him back?”Cersei looked up at Margaery eyes. She knew the answer to that. “There are times when I hate him so much for doing this to me, for hurting me in the worst possible way,” she said, pausing for a while to bite back the tears that seemed to want to escape. “But in between those times, I long for him so much, and wish he would come back to me, back in my arms where he belongs…because deep down inside I know I don’t want it to end. I know that this wasn’t meant to end this way…We weren’t meant to end, Margaery, I believe that…I know that.”  
Chapter End Notes:  
Review beautiful people! I'd love to hear your thoughts!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the reviews from previous chapter :) keep it coming I love it 💕💕 meanwhile enjoy this one

All throughout the night, Cersei avoided Jaime. Jaime did the same, but Cersei could sometimes feel him looking at her at odd times. She didn’t catch him doing it, however, and only relied on her Jaime-radar. “You know, I should have guessed you were married,” Oberyn whispered to her later on that evening when they came side by side again.She had been avoiding him too, just for the sole reason that she didn’t want to answer any possible questions Oberyn might throw her way—at least, she didn’t want to answer them now.She turned to look at him and frowned a little. She looked down at her glass of red wine, thinking, before she looked at him again. “I suppose I should have told you that I was married,” she admitted. “But it slipped my mind because I thought you knew.”“No,” Oberyn confessed, smiling sheepishly. “I didn’t know. I didn’t even have a clue. I guess that’s my fault, hmm?”She smiled at him and shook her head. “No, no. I should have told you, as well,” she said. “It’s all good. Anyhow, it’s going to be over soon.”Oberyn looked at her peculiarly, making her squirm a bit. “Your marriage?” he asked softly, a note of sadness and sympathy apparent in his voice.She nodded slowly. “I guess,” she said, silently asking herself why she was sharing this with a stranger. “Yeah, my marriage.”“I’m sorry,” he offered, reaching out to touch her arm slightly. “It’s alright,” she said, smiling at him weakly as she felt a fresh wave of tears overwhelming her. She wouldn’t cry now. Not there, and not in front of Oberyn. She was done looking weak. And knowing Jaime was looking at them from a few feet away, the smile on her face tightened. “Some things just come to an end,” she continued before excusing herself and walking away to get another glass of red wine.Oberyn approached her again later on that night, to tell her goodbye and offer her a ride if she needed one. She thanked him, grateful beyond words for his sweet gesture, but declined. She had a driver, and she only needed to give him a call and he’d come pick her up. Oberyn nodded, telling her that they’d talk when she’d reached a decision. She agreed. And so with a nod to the other women that she was talking to, a squeeze on her hand and a soft goodnight to her, Oberyn left.The man bewildered her a little.It wasn’t long though, when Cersei decided that she was going as well. She gave her driver a call and asked him to come pick her up. She then went to Catelyn and Eddard to bid them goodbye. Catelyn smiled at her and hugged her, and so did Eddard. A few more goodbyes and goodnights later, and she was able to walk out of the house and wait at the front porch. The noise and the laughter inside the house were giving her a migraine.Half an hour passed since she called her driver yet he still wasn’t there and it worried her. It usually took about less than twenty minutes from their house to the Stark’s house. She sighed impatiently. It was cold and she was getting antsy. But soon, she received a call from her driver saying there was an accident on the freeway and it would take more than an hour to clear it out. Sighing, she ordered him to just go home if he could. She would just ride a cab home.She was dialing for a cab, when she heard someone from behind her. She turned around and squinted, alarmed and nervous. “Cersei?” the person asked her, sounding worried.“Jaime?” she asked back. She knew that voice. All too well, she thought sadly.“I thought you went home?” he asked her. “I saw making your rounds of goodbye.”“I was supposed to,” she said, sighing softly. “But then my driver got caught in the middle of a traffic jam and it would take him forever to get here.” She looked at him. “You headed home, too?”He nodded slowly. “How are you getting home?” he asked.“Is your girlfriend waiting for you?” she responded with a question of her own, which seemed to make Jaime’s face go sour. He scowled at her. “How is that relevant to my question?” he asked her again, his anger simmering and obvious.“Simple,” she said dryly. “It’s supposed to both be none of our business.” She walked away from him but his voice stopped her.“Cersei,” he whined, looking at her, almost pleading.“What?” she asked him, raising her eyebrow. She hated him for what he did to her, but deep inside she also knew how much she loved him and there was still nothing she could deny him.“Stop please,” he begged of her, striding toward her with a grim expression on his face. He cleared his throat when she didn’t respond. “How are you going home?”“Cab,” she answered finally. “I’ll just take a cab. I want to go home so I’m not waiting for my driver.”Jaime shook his head and grasped her arm lightly. “No,” he said firmly, pushing her to his car slightly. “I’ll take you home.”She opened her mouth and protested, telling him she could take care of herself, but he only responded with silence and opened the car door for her. She sighed, knowing that resisting and arguing with him was futile. She gave him a look but climbed in the car anyway. He closed the door and she watched as he walked to the driver’s side, the headlights enabling her to see through the pitch black darkness. It took her ages to adjust to the uncomfortable silence, but when she did, she decided to ruin that by asking him a question.“So is your girlfriend waiting for you?” she asked, without looking at him because she didn’t think she could. She couldn’t see his face, therefore, but she knew then that he got mad when the car accelerated. “Is yours?” he asked back.“I don’t have a girlfriend,” she said glibly, sarcastically. “I don’t swing that way.” She knew Jaime just rolled his eyes at her.“You just have a boyfriend,” he said. If she didn’t know better, she would swear she detected a hint of jealousy in his voice. But she did know better.“What?” she asked, surprised. “What gave you the idea?”“Oh, nothing, Cersei,” he answered sarcastically. “Probably just the fact that I walked in on you in the arms of another man.” She gasped, and then turned to look at him. His face was taut and it looked like he was really angry. He probably really was.“What?” she asked. “You mean Oberyn?”His face tightened even more, and so did his grip on the steering wheel. His foot pressed on the accelerator, and Cersei felt herself jerk back in her seat. “Know him well, don’t you?” he asked her snidely.“No,” she answered angrily. He had no right; absolutely no fucking right to be mad at her now. “I met him only today. And he wanted to talk business.”“Business,” he scoffed. “I bet that was what it was all about.” He rolled his eyes. “If I didn’t come and walk in on you, you might have conducted business right then and there.”“Fuck you, Jaime,” she seethed—now getting mad at him for insinuating anything. She was mad at what he was saying, for making her life a miserable hell and now turning back and accusing her of jumping a stranger’s bones. “Fuck you. You have no right to be mad at me now. And you have no right to insinuate anything. Before you forget, you cheated on me. You were the one who fucked that slut behind my back and is now claiming to be in love with her. You do not get to turn the tables on me and accuse me of sleeping with another man and be actually mad about it! How dare you.” Jaime opened his mouth to protest. “No, shut up,” she continued. “You don’t get to say anything anymore. What were you even doing in the party anyway!”He turned to look at her briefly, surprise written all over his face. “You were the one who gave Catelyn my number!” he countered defensively.“Because I thought you had half the mind not to even go, knowing I would be there,” she yelled at him angrily. “Apparently, you don’t!”“And I thought you’d like me to celebrate with you!”“Celebrate with me?” she laughed bitterly. “What the hell do you want to celebrate with me? The fact that I have succeeded in a production because I have thrown myself into it considering how you left me to go be with another woman and I didn’t want to have the time to think about it? No thank you.”“The fact that you had another successful production period,” he told her angrily. “I rather thought you’d be grateful.”She stared at him incredulously. “Did you really expect me to throw my arms around you and kiss you all over your face because of that?” she asked him, yelling. “Are you kidding me right now!”“No,” he yelled back. “But at least you’d be happy and definitely not in the arms of another man!”“This is ridiculous,” she muttered.“No what’s ridiculous is how you’re acting like a shy young innocent virgin,” he said. “I was married to you, I know what you’re capable of. You should know that you look like you’re advertising yourself!”“Advertising?” she asked. “What am I, some stupid advert on the telly?”It would have amused him how she sounded just then, had he not been so mad. “Oh don’t act like you don’t know! Your new hair, your new dress! You’re advertising. You’re doing it for someone!”“Yes,” she admitted heatedly. “I’m doing It for myself you moron.”He scoffed. “Yes, is that why you suddenly just look more gorgeous each day since we parted?” he asked her sarcastically. “Basically every man in that house was drooling over you! Surely you know that.”It took a moment for her to realize what he was saying. Her head was buzzing and her ears were tingling, her heart was also pounding, but her hazy brain told her what he was trying to say. She understood him, she really did. But she couldn’t let herself be swept away by it. She wasn’t going to let it get through her head. She didn’t know what to say, or think and she could not argue with him anymore. She was suddenly so tired. It was becoming pointless. Arguing with him was pointless.“This is really getting ridiculous,” she said softly, trying to pacify his anger so he would slow the car down. She was exhausted. “We shouldn’t be arguing over this anymore, Jaime. We’re done. You made sure of that. You can’t tell me how to live my life anymore.” She paused and shook her head. “Slow down, you’re going to get us in an accident and you’re way above the speed limit.”He tensed, before slowly letting his grip on the steering wheel loosen. He chuckled hoarsely. “Isn’t it unfair how you can comment on my driving but I can’t comment on the things you’re doing?” he asked her, but he slowed the car anyway, to her request.“It’s my life too,” she said. “If you totaled your car, you’re endangering my life. My love life, or the lack thereof, does nothing to impair your life.”He nodded slowly. “I suppose not,” he agreed. “I guess I’m just a possessive asshole when I shouldn’t be.”She nodded but she didn’t speak. What was left for her to say?They drove in silence after that and had arrived at their house without much snag. It was uncomfortable to say the least, but she realized that it was what and how it was going to be for the both of them from then on. She could not do what he could. She could not be just ok to be friends or sister to him someone she was romantically involved with, especially not if she had been married to him. There was just no way she could, She could remain friendly maybe. It was better for everyone in the long run anyway.There was a tender ache in her heart when she realized she’d have to stay away from their common friends But she knew it was going to be better that way. Jaime would soon want to bring Brienne with him, if he was serious about being in love with her, and it would complicate things if she was there when Brienne was. She just knew in her heart that she wouldn’t be able to be cordial and nice if she were to face Brienne and be forced to be her company. It just wouldn’t work. And even if she could, there was no way she’d put him and his family in such an awkward situation. She loved them too much. In the end, it would be just better for everyone if she stayed away. They would probably be grateful anyway.“We’re here,” Jaime said, waking her up from her reverie. The car was at a total stop, right in front of her driveway. Her house was pitch black and eerily quiet. The only sound they heard was of the cricket making a ruckus somewhere in the darkness.She looked at him and then nodded. “Thank you for dropping me off,” she said. “It must have been out of your way, sorry.” She reached for the buckle of her seat belt and pressed it to unlock. With a heavy sigh, she turned to open the door.“Don’t be ridiculous, Cersei,” he said. “I won’t have let you take a cab anyway. Not when you are alone, and looking like that. It’s too dangerous.” She raised her eyebrow at him but said nothing, and only continued to climb down the car. “I should probably walk you to your door, just in case,” he added as an afterthought.She fought the urge to laugh, simply because she was too drained to even laugh anymore. “Now who is being ridiculous?” she asked him, giving him a forced smile. “I can handle it from here, Jaime. You can give your overactive conscience or your jealous asshole instincts, whichever it may be, a rest. I’m a big girl, now, Jaime. If what you had done didn’t kill me, well then nothing probably could—nothing that would hurt as much anyway. I can handle it.”A look of hurt flashed in his eyes, but she didn’t care. She didn’t want to care anymore. That was not even half of the pain she was experiencing right now, so to the hell with compassion.“Alright,” he said, finally. “I’m sorry. Goodnight Cersei.” He gave her a small smile, one she didn’t return.She gave him a nod and tightlipped ‘goodnight’ as well, and almost slammed the door shut. She didn’t expect him to come running to her arms and beg her to come back. Hell, she didn’t even expect him to apologize. But she damn well wished that he would because not being with him hurt like hell.  



	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im sorry this is late update I’ve been busy this week but Thank you for the wonderful reviews! I love all of you. Enjoy!

It took a grand total of three months for Cersei to feel even remotely human again. Since that party Catelyn had thrown back in September, which was two months ago, Cersei had not seen or heard from Jaime. No contact with him, what so ever. And in an odd twisted way, she wanted so badly to hear from him. But she supposed it helped—not knowing anything about him and also not seeing him—because, at least now, she was moving to the right direction. Or at least she was  
trying too. But she did hear from his friends and family, a lot. She regretfully decided that she would now cut off all her ties from Jaime’s friends probably stay away from her family as well, It was not out of bitterness, or of spite. She just wanted to make it easy for them. Jaime would bring Brienne around, for sure. She didn’t want to be there, hanging out with his friends or celebrate family occasions when he decided to do it. She knew that Jaime had already told his friends of their separation, as she had with their own family. She also knew that his closest colleague knew by now that they had been separated for three months now. It hurt her, but then she realized that it was probably the start of her moving on. She needed her life back. One thing that remained constant in her life though, was her acting and little bit of dancing, She had her theatre school, and she decided to take the job for Oberyn’s stage play. She had help from her colleague, Lyanna, who worked with her side by side to get the choreography done and polished. All that was left to be done was for her to teach it to the actors. There would be extensive practices for the next few weeks, and she was mentally and physically preparing herself for it. A reason why she was almost always in her studio rather than her own house. She figured it was for the best. The emptiness and the loneliness of her house seemed to eat away at her and chip away the sanity she had left. She could not stand it. Everything in that house had been built over memories she had with her husband, and considering how he’s leaving—already left—her, the house only seemed to be a reminder of how alone she really was. She would most probably move out of there, someday soon. She didn’t need a big house all by herself anyway. Sighing to herself, she stalked over the nearest wall of her spacious studio. She had stayed late once again that day, to do some polishing over her choreography. Everyone had gone home at that point, but her. But she supposed she liked the company of music better than actual people. At least music didn’t ask if she was okay after her separation with her husband. No, music left her pretty much alone and pleased. “It’s too late to be here in your studio,” she heard someone say, making her curse and jump. She clutched her chest and sought for the person who spoke through the darkness of the hallway. Is this how she was going to end? “Don’t look so stricken, this is not a horror movie,” the person said, chuckling softly. “It’s just me.” The person stepped out of the shadows and walked over to her. “Jaime,” she gasped, looking at him with an annoyed expression. He didn’t have to sneak up to her. “What the hell? You scared the shit out of me!” “Sorry” he said, laughing. “You look like someone was going to attack you with an axe or something.” “Shut up,” she said. “You sneaked up on me! Is it not how they all die in horror movies?” He shrugged. “I’m sorry.” She only rolled her eyes in response. “What are you doing here?” she asked, a bit peeved but a whole lot excited. Silently, she cursed herself for being excited that he was here. But his husky smell invaded her senses and she only knew, right then, that no matter how much she didn’t want to, she missed him quite a lot. “I was trying to call you,” he admitted. “But you weren’t picking up. So I went to your house but you weren’t there. I decided I’d try here and here we are.” “And now you found me,” she told him as-a-matter-of-factly. “What do you want?” He gave her an odd expression, one she could not read. He sighed. “I just wanted to know why some of my friends couldn’t seem to contact you and Tyrion ? They’re worried.” She flushed. Oh, they could contact her just fine. She just didn’t pick up. She remained silent, finding the best way to respond. “Well?” he asked impatiently. “Well,” she began, her voice soft and surrendering. “I um, Im busy.?” He raised his eyebrows . “So, you’re just not taking their calls even when you’re getting them?” he asked her. The tone of his voice told her that he was getting mad, but she was not without an anger of her own. “Yes, I have been getting them but no I haven’t been taking them,” she admitted. Her eyes flared up and she narrowed them at him. “What? Are you doing this for revenge?” he asked her angrily. “A vendetta for me that you’re taking out on my friends, who are ironically your friends too? If you’re mad at me, take it out on me. I hurt you,

deeply, yes. But there is no need to be a bitch and take it to them!” Before she knew what she was doing, her hand had already reached across and had smacked him right in the face. She watched him wince and grasp his left cheek that now had a mark of her hand. She wanted to apologize but she held on. She wasn’t going to apologize to him. “You do not get to call me a bitch,” she told him just as angrily. “You do not waltz in my studio and pick a fight with me and call me a bitch. You brought this on yourself!” She looked at him in pure contempt. “And for the love of God, not everything is about you!” He scoffed. “So you’re doing this to spite your face?” he asked her sarcastically. “Cutting off your friends now too, just to hurt them and you?” “Fuck you,” she seethed angrily. “You made your bed, Jaime, now you lie on it. You wanted to leave me. You wanted to be in a relationship with that slut of yours.” He hissed at her, but she continued. “You hurt me. So if it is going to hurt the people you love in return, then you only have yourself to blame, because you cannot have it both ways. I don’t want you or your sympathy. I am not sticking around and wait for you to introduce her to our family and to your friends either, and be all welcoming when you do! When you ended our marriage, you ended all the relationships we have shared in that too. That means cutting off everything. So don’t call me a bitch. And don’t come in walking in here, just so you can call me one!” She stomped her foot and balled her fists. “And you can shove your Sister thing up your ass too, because I do not want it.” She had tears streaming down her face when she finished, and her chest was heaving with the effort it took to calm herself  
down. “I gave you my all in that marriage that you have so carelessly thrown away, Jaime,” she continued. “Everything! But you are not walking away from this marriage getting that peaceful and calm way you want. Separation is hard and messy and troubling and heartbreaking. No one is going to walk away from it unscathed!” He lowered his eyes as his lips formed a thin line. “I never meant to hurt you, Cersei.” She scoffed at him. “But I’m hurt. Am I supposed to thank you because the intention wasn’t there?” she asked sarcastically. “Is it supposed to be fine because you didn’t want to hurt me and it just so happened that you did? Am I supposed to be grateful that you had been an honorable man when you have told me about your affair rather than letting me fool myself and still go on behind my back?” “Did you want to stay in a marriage where your husband was in love with someone else?” he asked her then, firing back at her. “Did you want that kind of marriage?” She gasped audibly, the force of his words sending her spiraling back. She felt winded as if someone punched her on her stomach and she was finding it hard to breathe. “Why didn’t you tell me that something was wrong?” she asked him, her voice soft, but her sobs loud. The need for air was overwhelming, but the need for answers even more overwhelming. “Why couldn’t you have told me that you were getting restless?” “I didn’t know that I was,” he confessed. “It just happened, Cersei.” She shook her head. Maybe, it was best left alone. Maybe, she didn’t even want to hear answers anymore because it might just hurt even worse. “What do you want, Jaime?” she asked again, softly this time, as she tried to regulate her breathing and get her tears back to where it was hidden until she was at the safety of her bed. “They are worried,” he told her. “I said I would check up on you.” “I’m fine,” she said. “You can tell them I’m fine.” “So you’re really not going to even talk to them?” he asked her incredulously. “I told you Jaime,” she said, calmly. “Everything that had been acquired in that marriage is almost as good as over when you chose to end our marriage.” She gave him one last look, staring at his flabbergasted expression, before she walked away from him.  
*  
Cersei was cleaning her bedroom, clearing up the last traces of Jaime in it when she heard the doorbell ring. She walked out of the bedroom and then went to the front door. She was surprised when she found her Little brother in her front steps,

time. “Tyrion ?” she asked, surprised etching her voice. She didn’t even know Tyrion was in town. Then again, she wasn’t talking to him either, so she really wouldn’t know. “sweet sister,” Tyrion said, smiling at her . Cersei looked drawn and pale, and a lot thinner since the last time he had seen her. But she was beautiful regardless. Cersei stood dumbfounded before she jolted, and stepped aside. “Come in,” she said. “Come on in.” I was surprise you’d visit me. They walked to the den, the sound of their feet padding across the rooms the only sound heard. The sound echoed, bouncing from the bare walls of the house. “Is there anything I can get you?” Cersei asked, as led him to the couch. “Water, soda, tea?” “No, I’m fine,” Tyrion said, looking straight into her eyes I just wanna talk “Come sit with me.” Cersei hesitated, before nodding, she already know wheres this conversation’s going. How long have you been here?” Cersei asked. “About two days,” Tyrion said. “Father asked me to work on something here for the company i have to get back to Casterly as soon as possible tho , I didn’t know whether I should come visit you, but can you believe it? I missed you.” Cersei smirked a little and raise her eyebrow, She thought about bringing up the topic of her cutting her ties to Jaime’s friends maybe Tyrion can give her some advice. She knew it was easier said than done and she also knew how that was not likely to happen. She could not cut all of her ties with them and stay away from her own family too for a while, like she had told Jaime, it just wasn’t possible. And when they were there, calling her, probably decides to visit her, she wouldn’t turn them away, of course. But she would be resolute on her will that there were no more visits to their houses, no more parties with her own family she would attend, birthdays to be celebrated together. Even in her own family she’s conflicted, she would not walk in their household only to be greeted by her ex-husband cozying up to his mistress. “You know you could always visit me,” Cersei said. “I’m always going to let you in, Tyrion. You know that.” “It’s just that...” he paused for a moment and sighed. “It’s just that, Jaime had told us what happened. I really do not have a clue what in the devil happened. You were perfect for each other.” “Maybe, somewhere, we went wrong,” Cersei responded, realizing how she just quoted the current theme song of her life. “Maybe, we just got to a point where we didn’t know what we were  
anymore. “He said that you wouldn’t take him back,” Tyrion said softly, gauging Cersei’s reaction, “When I asked him if there was a chance that you both could work it out.” Cersei peered up at him in slight surprise. So that was what Jaime had been telling them. He’d spun it out like she had kicked him out, and she didn’t want him anymore. Why did she have to take the fall? She was the one who got kicked out at the curb, and now she’s also shouldering the blame. Chalk it up to bruised ego or degraded pride, but she was not about to let him get away with  
it. “It isn’t like I wouldn’t take him back,” she began, feeling disdainful but drained. “But under the circumstances, I don’t think that is going to be easy. He’s not asking me to take him back, Tyrion He doesn’t want or need me to.” Tyrion looked at her, feeling confused. Did she mean that Jaime wronged him in this situation? If so, in what way? “Cersei...” Tyrion trailed off, not knowing what to say. “We have to work it out between us, Tyrion, she pleaded. “I know you mean well, and I am grateful for your support and your desire for us to be together again but this one we have to work between the two of us. It isn’t a light situation.” Tyrion nodded understandingly. She knew she shouldn’t meddle with their relationship—marriage or not. It was not his business. Although, if he was being honest, it killed him to see Cersei so drawn out and exhausted. he hated how his siblings has been going through and dealing with the situation either. Not that he knew much on either parties, anyway Jaime’s often talking to him but Cersei is really not sharing much about it and not answering his calls she prefers to be alone . “alright, he said. “I understand. You need to work it out on your own. I only wish that everything would turn out for the better. It kills me to see you apart.” Cersei nodded and smiled. Though he knew, deep inside, that the sad part to that was maybe, Jaime and Cersei were now meant to be apart.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I know apologies everyone are kinda looking for Jaime’s POV and im also kinda pain in the ass for not giving you that but im trying it to be more realistic and maybe its part of the twist of this story. I promise you there’s a lot more interesting chapters to come and I hope you all keep on reading and will be worth it in the end.

It turned out that aside from business commitments that Tyrion have to do in there, he also had visited her to invite her to a family dinner that coming Saturday. 

The whole Lannister clan was in KingsLanding that week and they were going to have a bit of a family reunion. His family is based in Casterly Rock except for Jaime and Cersei, but went back to Casterly every couple of months. But as he was already there, he decided they should have dinner together—so the family would at least be complete. Cersei would have politely declined the invite but Tyrion had almost begged her to come and she hated that feeling in the pit of her stomach that came every time she denied the wish of someone in her Family. So she had agreed to come to the family birthday dinner, no matter how much she had wanted not to. What surprised her more though was the fact that Jaime had called her up the day after and asked her if he could drive her.  
She had reluctantly said yes. But she did, mainly due to the fact that Jaime would have never stopped bothering her about it and she didn’t want to make a big fuss about it. When Saturday came, she was as tense as a rubber band stretched to its very limit. She was a case of walking nerves and she could feel the butterflies on her stomachs. Very much like a first date, but the thing was, she was not going on a date with someone. She was a woman who was separated from her husband who was ironically also the man picking her up that night and making her a basket case. She had called Margaery, one of her best friend, to come help her get ready and also to help calm her down. So far, nothing had been a lot of help—she was still nervous as all hell, but at least she liked the way she looked. She had worn a red dress that was short enough to tease but long enough that it was still elegant. Her shoulders showed and shined against the light, and her hair had been done in soft curls. She didn’t do much with her make-up because she wore a deep red lipstick that complimented her clingy red dress very well. Had she not known better, she’d say she was trying to get a reaction from Jaime. But she knew she wouldn’t get any reaction and any hopes that he would was just another delusion. The doorbell rang at exactly six o’clock, right just as she slipped on her shoes. Her stomachs did somersaults but she held herself back a bit. He could wait for her. Besides, she didn’t want to appear like she was too excited to see him. She didn’t want to let him know that she was indeed excited to see him. And despite the number of times she had told herself that he didn’t care, she wanted him to care. She walked slowly to the door and opened it just as slowly. Her shaking hands grasped the doorknob but her eyes looked at her estranged husband full on. The smell of his cologne wafted through the small space and sent a shock through her.Has he always smelled this good?  
“Hi,” she said, smiling a small smile at him. She could see that he had gone for his staple white button down shirt—five top buttons of the shirt unbuttoned, of course—and his black trousers. She fought off a grin threatening to break through. “Hi,” he said, smiling at her.He looked tired and stressed, but that hadn’t been so far from what she had seen from the last time. He was probably wondering how to break through his brother Tyrion that it was him who didn’t want her and not the other way around. “Are you ready to leave?” he asked when she was silent and unable to say anything to him. She nodded slowly. “Yes,” she said. “I just need to go get my purse.” She stepped aside, all her nerves forgotten, and opened the door wide. “Come on in.” He stepped inside and followed her to the den. His eyes were roaming around the house like he had seen it for the first time. And perhaps it was the first time he had seen it. For along with her spare time that came from only doing her job, she had redecorated their house to her taste. She didn’t want any reminder of the life she once had with him that he had now taken away. “Everything seems new,” he commented. He wasn’t able to hide the slight chagrin to his voice, but his face remained expressionless. It was as if he was only canvassing a work of art. “I had a lot of time,” she explained. “I relinquished my classes for a bit of time, so I could focus on my new job, but even that didn’t take too much of my time. I still had spare so I thought I’d redo the house.” She shrugged slightly. “I wanted to move out of the house, but then I thought that would be too much work, so I just had it redone.” “A new job?” he asked, raising his eyebrows at her. “And why did you want to move?” “Yes,” she answered without missing a beat. She started walking towards the door once she grabbed her purse, and Jaime followed suit. “You remember Oberyn Martell from Catelyn’s party?” Jaime nodded agitatedly. “He offered me a job. A choreography job and I accepted.” Once she was sure that all her security alarms were on, they walked toward his car which was parked on the expansive driveway. He was silent, but there was a slight force when he had shut her car door for her. “I should let you know then that I bought a new house myself,” he said, surprising her. “Big, a mansion, but it’s not grand…rather a bit on the bland side, to be honest.” “I see….,” she said, willing herself not to be hurt by the fact that he was moving on. It should not even surprise her. He had long gone and moved on from her. “Is she living with you?” “No,” he said stiffly. “We’re waiting until…” he paused briefly and scratched the back of his head. “We at least get divorced, right?” she asked, not really needing an answer. Not that he would give her any. “You didn’t answer my question,” he said, instead. “Why are you moving? It’s impractical. I know you’re rich, with your companies and trust fund and all, but you shouldn’t throw money away…you told me that.” He was already on the freeway when she found the courage to speak again. “It isn’t about the money,” she told him, making him look at her in confusion. “I wanted to move because the house was too big for one person. I wanted to move in a smaller house that would suit me,” she said, continuing from their earlier conversation. “Suit you?” he asked slowly. “Doesn’t the house suit you? Weren’t you the one who decorated that house? You love that house. You done it all in your taste. I hardly think that it wouldn’t suit you.” “So?” she asked. “I loved that house. But well, it’s just another big, empty house to me. A lot like where we grew up from. Big, beautiful house but our mother is gone, and f lives on another place for work. No one was ever home. Big, beautiful but empty.” She sighed, swallowing all the acidic comment she had at the tip of her tongue. “Besides it wasn’t done in my taste. It was done in your taste.”  
“My taste?” he asked, fairly ignoring her remarks about their parents. He knew how touchy their mother’s death for her. He didn’t want to comment on it and turn this into a big argument. “Surely it was done in our taste…yours and mine equally.”

She turned to him just as he reached their destination. “Sure,” she said. “It was done in our taste. But there is no more us, you made sure of that, so it doesn’t seem so intelligent to live in a house where it only reminded you of the life you had but can never get back, right?” 

She opened her car door then and climbed down the car, slamming her door on her way. She didn’t need an answer. He wasn’t going to give her any, anyway.

Jaime sat inside his Car for a few minutes, flabbergasted. Well, he wasn’t really that surprised, if he was being honest but her response had held him back and winded him. He wasn’t sure if it was so much as what he had said rather than how she had said it, but it had been totally something else. He didn’t know what to make out of it.

He followed her, half running towards her, and tried to grasp her arm. She gave him a dirty look but didn’t pull away just for the sake of not making a scene right in front of the restaurant’s entryway.

“I don’t want to argue anymore,” Cersei hissed softly. “Not when we’re about to face Tyrion and the kids too, no.”

Jaime looked at her and saw the smile plastered on her face. He looked at where she was looking and saw their nieces , coming towards them, running full speed with a small grin on her face. Having no children of their own, he knew how much Cersei was attached to their nieces and nephews but especially Tania. Tania was their goddaughter and Cersei absolutely adored her, just the same way that Tania adored her auntie Cersei very much.

“Auntie Cersei! Auntie Cersei,” Tania squealed. “Uncle Jaime!”

Cersei crouched down a bit and opened her arms, preparing herself for the time Tania would jump in her arms and give her big hugs. The other kids were playing at the kids mini-playground. Tania must have spotted them and ran towards them in excitement. Or she must have been waiting for them which was just very much like her.

“Hello little love,” Jaime said, ruffling her hair a bit. “Uncle Jaime missed you.”

Tania smiled shyly and burrowed her face into her Auntie Cersei’s neck. Jaime laughed and gave her a kiss.

“You have grown a lot since I last saw you,” Cersei commented as she stroked the child’s back gently. “You seem to be a big girl now.”

Tania nodded excitedly. “I’m a big girl now,” she said proudly. She held up four fingers and gave her godparents a toothy grin. “I’m this many.”

Cersei laughed and kissed the child’s cheek.

Jaime pinched Tania’s cheeks and pretended to be surprised. “You’re only four?” he asked. “I thought you were at least forty!”

Tania giggled. “No,” she laughed. “I’m only four.”

Jaime smiled and reached for her. Tania really had grown a lot in the months that he hadn’t seen her. The child came towards him willingly and gave him a tight hug and a sloppy kiss. 

“Hmm,” Jaime said. “But you’re a big girl now, aren’t you,?” Tania nodded excitedly.  
“Uncle Jaime!” a young boy yelled exuberantly, interrupting Them. 

He grinned and watched as little boy came bounding towards him and Cersei excitedly. He put Tania down for a bit, letting her snuggle back to her favourite aunt before crouching down and opening his arms for the little boy—very much like the way Cersei had done with Tania.

“Uncle Jaime!” little boy said happily when he was in Jaime’s arms. He was grinning from ear to ear and was holding Jaime’s face between his two hands, squishing them a bit  
Jaime laughed. “How’s my big boy?” he asked, chuckling when the two-year old toddler only grinned and said his name again. “Uncle Jaime,” Tania said, calling his attention. “He turned two last month!”

Jaime smiled at his niece. “He did?” he asked, pretending not to know. “He’s a big boy now, isn’t he?” He turned to the young boy in his arms and tickled him. “Aren’t you?”

The boy squealed. Cersei looked at Tania who had her arms wrapped around her auntie’s waist. She knew she would have made a great family with Jaime. She knew Jaime would have been an amazing father. And if she was being honest with herself, she knew she didn’t want anyone else to be her children’s father. Maybe, she would never get the chance now.

“Uncle Jaime, you aren’t wearing your ring!” Tania squealed suddenly, pointing at Jaime’s left hand ring finger which was bare of any trace of his marriage with Cersei. “You said you never take it off!”

Cersei looked at Jaime’s direction and tried to hide the disappointment she felt. It should not have been news for her that she would get rid of anything that was a remnant of their marriage. They were separating, after all. It should not surprise her. Maybe, Brienne even wanted and asked him to. Or maybe, he did it himself so Brienne wouldn’t feel bad.

Either way, he already took it off. 

Tania picked her Auntie Cersei’s hand and showed it to Jaime. “Auntie Cersei hadn’t taken hers off!” she pointed out, embarrassing Cersei.

She hadn’t taken it off. Maybe because she still hoped. Maybe because she was foolish and she just kept dreaming he would change his mind. But he wouldn’t. And him taking off his ring shouldn’t mean anything anymore to her. 

But the truth was, it did. It meant a lot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like i owe you all another update this week since i didn’t update last week 🤔 what do you all think? :) leave a review btw love them


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the reviews! :) Ias promise new chapter this week and I know the story is getting annoying now, and dragging too, but please, please bear with me no wounds ever heal without time,and angst and pain is a major part of this fic, so please just hold on a little more while longer. :) Thank you.

As the night wore on, Cersei realized that she could easily make herself believe that nothing changed. It didn’t feel like she and Jaime were separating. It was how it had always been with them. His arms remained at the back of her chair like it always did, he poured her a glass of sparkling wine like he always did, he would lean closer to her when she would whisper something to him that she would remember from the past and they would laugh uncontrollably together, and the slight innuendos that they would remember. She almost forgot that he was leaving and they were supposed to be estranged.  
But the truth was, he is leaving. He was leaving and no amount of begging would make him stay. She didn’t think she could and would actually beg anyway. She only had her pride left. She lost her love, her world, her life. But she wasn’t going to lose her pride. And as the magic of the night wore off as the time ticked away, she realized that it was all she was ever going to have, because the crux of the matter was, no matter how comfortable they might be with each other, he was now in love with another woman. Nothing was ever the same.  
“You about ready to leave, Cersei?” he asked her when their uncle and his family left.   
There were a few more of their family that had stayed, but most of them had gone home. Cersei was feeling tired, herself, and wished to get home and slide in the middle of her sheets and sleep the night away. Maybe, in her dreams, Jaime would still be in love with her.  
“Yes, sure,” she said, nodding, and standing up from her chair. “Did you say goodbye already?”  
Jaime helped her with her coat before putting on his own. “Yes,” he replied. “Should we go then?”  
“Yes,” she answered, letting him lead her to the car and shut her car door for her. Deep inside, she wondered if his girlfriend was waiting for him in his new mansion but she bit her tongue and refrained from asking. She didn’t want to know. She wouldn’t handle it if she did.  
The headlights caught her eyes, waking her up from her reverie. She had been daydreaming again. She looked at him but he wasn’t looking at her. Shaking her head, she looked forward as he pulled out of the parking lot.   
It was a silent ride home. The activities of the night had exhausted her and made her subdued. And he probably didn’t know what to say anymore. After all, there were no words left to be said. So, she let herself drown with the music coming out from the car stereo. She knew the song, heard it a lot on the radio. She would have laughed at the irony that the very song that almost like an official soundtrack of her life was now playing while she was with the person who made that song become one. But the pain was too raw, and she couldn’t find it in herself to laugh.  
I know one day eventually, yeah I know One day I’ll have to let it go  
But I keep it just in case  
Yeah, I keep it just in case

She hummed along with the music, willing herself not let the tears slip as it always did when she listened to the song. Right now, everything just seemed so poignant.  
“It’s a good song,” Jaime commented, pulling her away from her thoughts and just look at him a little   
“It is,” she replied, nodding. She wouldn’t mention how this song had been her current theme song. “It’s a great song.”  
He nodded to this and the silence filled them again. The small talk was nothing short of discomfited and now the eerie awkwardness that had never been there enveloped them. Cersei concentrated all her attention on the lyrics rather than the man sitting just right beside her. It wouldn’t do her any good to just sit there and ponder about what could have been or pine away for the man who didn’t love her the same way she did, the same way he did before.   
But maybe, in case.

In case you don’t find what you’re looking for In case, you’re missing what you had beforeIn case you change your mind, I’ll be waiting here  
In case, you just want to come home  
In case you’re looking in the mirror one day  
And miss my arms, have them wrapped around your waist,   
I’d say that you can love me again, even if it isn’t the case  
…In case you don’t find what you’re looking for  
In case you’re missing my love  
…In case you change your mind, I’ll be waiting here,   
In case, you just want to come home.

“We’re here,” Jaime said, as he pulled over, tapping her on her shoulders. “You’re home, Cersei.”  
She looked at him, startled. She had been too immersed in the song that she had didn’t realize that they had arrived in front of her house.  
“Thank you, Jaime, I had a good time. And thank you for driving me home,” she said, unbuckling her seatbelt and opening her door. Just as she climbed down the car, Jaime did the same, making her pause for a bit.  
He didn’t acknowledge her stare and just kept on walking straight to her side. He helped her down, and together, they walked to her front door.  
“It’s okay,” she said. “I can handle myself, Jaime.” She was getting annoyed at his pampering. It would have been awfully sweet. But it was just the worst timing.  
“I know,” he replied dismissively.   
When they walked to the gate, they noticed right away that one of the bars was bent out of shape—a sure sign that someone had been forcing it apart. Cersei gasped, and Jaime—out of pure instinct—grabbed her arm and hid her behind him. Her hands were trembling in pure anxiety.  
“What the hell is going on?” she asked, her voice in fear. What if someone had broken in?  
“Someone tried to break in, but I think they fled when they couldn’t rip the bars apart and the alarm rung,” Jaime concluded. “Check your phone, won’t you ? The alarm people might have called.”  
“My battery is dead,” she said. “I’d have to recharge it. I’ll call the security company before I head to bed.” She knew full well that she would be not sleeping that night. Not when there was a threat to her safety like that.  
“Are you kidding, Cersei?” he asked her incredulously. “You’re not sleeping in that house until the bars are changed and the alarm systems are doubled up.”  
She looked at him wide-eyed. She didn’t want to sleep in a hotel tonight. And it was too late to drive down.   
“I’m really exhausted, Jaime,” she complained. “I don’t plan to stay in a hotel room tonight.”   
Jaime scoffed. “You’re not sleeping in a hotel room, Cersei,” he said. “We’ll drive down to my house and you can sleep there until tomorrow, or whenever this gate is fixed. I’ll call the security with my phone now while you get your necessities.”  
The idea would have been sweet and gallant had it not been the circumstance. But it was the circumstance and what he was proposing appalled her.   
“No,” she said. “Once we call the security company, I’m sure it’ll be safe for me to stay here. I don’t need to go sleep in your house.”  
He looked at her steely. “Get the things you need, Cersei,” he said in a voice that sealed finality. He wasn’t going to take no for an answer.  
And Cersei was just too tired to fight anymore.It took about two hours before they found themselves on their way to Jaime’s new mansion. It had taken longer than necessary for the security company to double up the alarm. And it was too late to get the bars done so they would have to wait until tomorrow morning. If Cersei was being honest, she would much rather stay there than sleep over at Jaime’s. But Jaime insisted and there was no way she was going to argue with him when she was this exhausted. She simply didn’t have the energy. “Are you okay?” Jaime asked as they were on the freeway. His hand touched her bare arm and she looked at him.  
“Yes,” she answered. “I’m fine, really. Just a bit shaken up. It’s the first time it ever happened since we lived on that house. Maybe it’s fate telling me to go find another house.”  
Jaime frowned a little before his expression turned blank. “There’s no rush,” he said. “You just doubled up the security and besides, I would like for my lawyer to look at the legal angles first would you ever decide to move.”  
“You do know that you should give your conscience a rest, right?” she asked him. “It’s okay, Jaime. I’m a full grown woman. I can handle myself. I have work, I have my own company—two to be exact. I can fend for myself. I don’t need your money or your help or anything. I can fend for myself.”  
An unreadable expression flashed across his face. “Don’t you think that was the problem?” he asked, suddenly, catching her off-guard. “That you were too independent, that you never needed me, that I knew even if I was gone, nothing would change?”  
“What are you talking about?” she asked, aghast and surprised at the words coming out from his mouth. What the hell was he talking about?  
“I knew then, and I know now that you never really needed me. You had your own money. Besides the money you had saved up from work, from your new job, besides your two companies, you also had a trust fund…you were never going to go poor,” he explained. “You never needed me simply because there was nothing I could give you that you couldn’t get for yourself. And to top it all off you’re a gorgeous, intelligent woman…everyone loves you…everyone wants you…you don’t need me. You can easily replace me. We both know this is true.”  
She rolled her eyes at him. “Yet, I’m the one being replaced,” she said flatly. “You know I don’t need your money or the all the luxury of being with you. There isn’t one damn thing you could buy for me that I could not buy for myself. But you had what I wanted and needed. Only you had it.” She looked at him then. “You were the only one I wanted to love me the same manner I did. I’ve been with other relationship, Jaime. Once, I was so close to being married but I didn’t and I never looked back. I walked away from those with less scars than I was supposed to. Why? Because I never needed those men the same way I need you. I never loved those men the way I love you. And more importantly, I never wanted or needed those men to love me the way I want and need you to.”  
Damn those tears that kept falling.  
She could see through her peripheral vision, how his arms stretched to wipe away her tears but she slapped it away. She didn’t want his touch.   
“Don’t touch me, Jaime,” she hissed. “Just don’t.”  
He sighed but acquiesced. After all, the least thing he could do for her was not make it hard for her. He had done enough.  
“I’m sorry, Cersei,” he whispered.  
But he was met with silence.  
Because honestly, what would his apologies do to ease the pain? Nothing. Not a thing.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys just want to let you know this probably my last update for this month since Im gonna have a vacation on following weeks Im Sorry but i hope you guys enjoy this one ! If you like it, then take time to leave reviews and let me know. Thank you! 
> 
> PS i said PROBABLY so i might update next week but i can't promise

“Jaime, do you have a spare toothbrush?” she asked, her head poking at the door of his bathroom. Her face held no more trace of makeup, and her hair had been pulled back into an effortless ponytail. “I seem to have forgotten to grab mine as I was rushing earlier.”  
Jaime, t-shirt half way down his body, appeared in the threshold and pointed at the counter. “Just use mine,” he said. “I have barely really settled down, I haven’t had time to fill in the supplies.”  
Cersei looked at the ground, unsure. In the past, they would share a toothbrush on the very rare occasions that one of them would forget their own. She didn’t mind then, as it wasn’t really that often, and as they had shared various fluids really. But right now, she wasn’t so sure.  
“If it’s alright with you,” he added when he noticed the reluctant expression on her face. “But if it isn’t, I’d go for a drive to the drugstore to get you one.”  
She looked up at him again and shook her head. “Don’t be ridiculous,” she said glibly. “I’d go use yours.” She didn’t want him to have to leave in the middle of the night just for a silly toothbrush. She was already bothering him by staying there for that night.  
“Alright then, Love, I’ll go make some tea. Do you want some?” he asked her.  
She didn’t let the sensations run through her as he called her love. She couldn’t, because it hurts so much more when he calls her love, knowing it was now just a habit and he didn’t really mean it, not anymore anyway. “Can I have some coffee instead?” she asked. She never really fancied tea as much as he did.  
He sighed and pursed his lips. “You won’t be able to sleep if you drink coffee,” he told her. “We’ll make hot chocolates instead, okay, love?”  
She nodded and walked inside the bathroom. If she heard one more endearment from him or hear him sweet talk her one more time, she would start screaming at him. She couldn’t handle it. And she had thought that after all their embittered sparring and their long arguments about their separation, he’d have known that she didn’t want anything to do with his sweetness.  
She brushed her teeth with a little more force than necessary while she was mulling things over. Why couldn’t over be just that—over. He was so intent on them separating, going to the extent of making her feel like their marriage had meant nothing to him, but now he seemed to be making backwards progress with this whole separation thing. He hasn’t filed divorce and he hadn’t stopped ruining her life for good. He could have just easily made her sign the divorce papers and have it done in a blink of an eye but he hadn’t. She couldn’t tell if he was waiting for her to do it herself.  
She walked down the stairs to the kitchen, clad in a dressing gown that covered her very skimpy negligee. It was the first thing she had grabbed as they were in the front of her dresser. She was planning to throw those away as she didn’t see the need for them, or stash them away if she felt like she couldn’t depart with them yet. She’d put them on the front so she wouldn’t forget to clean them up. But that one had backfired. She was now left to wear those skimpy night clothes. Good thing she was sleeping on a different bed that night. Jaime’s house was big enough that they would probably not see each other. Not that what she was wearing mattered to him. She couldn’t excite him anymore. She was not tall and model figure like Brienne.  
“Jaime,” she called out hesitantly, feeling lost in his huge new mansion. She looked at the house with wander. Everything was white, as it would have been with their old house had she not been the one to decorate it. But it was clean. It hadn’t been fully furnished, as he probably just moved there, but it looked good. “Jaime?”  
“Through here,” he said, yelling out from the kitchen.  
She followed his voice and found him in front of the kitchen counter, two cups of hot cocoa sitting in front of him. She walked in tentatively as he waved her in. He raised his eyebrows with her chosen attire but she only shrugged at him. She didn’t care what he thought.  
“Here, have a cup,” he said. “It should help you fall asleep faster. Also, the weather’s a bit colder…as it is raining uncharacteristically hard right now.”  
He pointed outside and Cersei followed his finger, spying the rain hitting the ground through the large French doors.  
“Thank you,” she said, taking a seat on the stool and wrapping her hands on the mug. She took a sip and tried to avoid eye contact with him. “This is good.”  
“It has rum in it,” he said. “Just a bit though.”  
“Hmm,” she hummed, taking another sip of her drink.  
They spent the next few minutes in silence. She didn’t know whether she was comfortable with it or not. But Jaime seemed to be, so she kept her mouth shut. She wasn’t sure if they were not going to end up screaming at each other in the end anyway. When she finished, she looked up at him to find him staring at her.  
“What?” she asked self-consciously. She knew she had fine lines on her face now, and she probably looked old compared to Brienne.  
“Nothing,” he said. “I like your new hair. It suits you.” He tilted his head to the side and smiled.” You look beautiful.”  
Her hair was a little bit shorter. She liked it, although it had grown a bit longer than it used to be the first time it was cut. She didn’t think he noticed though, and it took her aback.  
“Urm,” she stuttered, blushing, and wishing the hole swallowed her then as she noticed the amused look on Jaime’s face. “Thank you. I didn’t think you noticed.”  
He looked surprised, but he shook his head. “I noticed when you cut it two months ago. It was much shorter. It grew longer now, but still a bit shorter than before you cut it.” He touched the ends of her hair.  
His ability to notice all of this astounded her and surprised her. But she thought that maybe it was just because her hair stood out as one big change.  
“I have,” she said. “I plan to cut it again, but I’m so scared to have it cut so short.”  
“I like your hair longer. Although you will probably look good with that short hair do as well.” He raised his arms just below his ear to demonstrate how short he meant.  
“Oh,” she said. “Well, uh, I’ll just have to see.”  
He nodded. “Are you done?” he asked, pointing at the cup she was still holding.  
“Uh, yeah,” she said, nodding. “Yes, thanks. Where should I sleep?”  
Jaime looked at her, a certain look flashing across his face. It quickly disappeared though and he pointed up the stairs. “You can pick any room you want. But the room next to mine is the cleanest and most furnished out of all of them.”  
She nodded. She would have slept in his bed and actually get some sleep for a change but she didn’t want to sleep on a bed here Jaime and his mistress had undoubtedly made love in. She would not be able to handle the thought of sleeping in a bed where someone else had given him pleasure  
“Alright,” she said. “Goodnight, Jaime.”  
“Goodnight, Cersei,” he said, giving her a smile.  
A smile she could not find in herself to give back.  
She laid on bed, with her eyes wide open and her fists grasping the covers tightly. She could not, for the life of her, sleep. She knew it was because it was a different house, but mostly it was because of the thunderstorm that seemed to be the background music for her terrible night.  
She hated thunderstorms.  
It always reminded her of the nights she had to sleep in her bed, all alone in the house, or the nights she had to stay inside her room, while the thunder clapped but her parents had been too busy to comfort her. It had gotten better through the years as she used ear muffs every time there was a storm and Jaime was always by her side since they’re kid. She also was able to deal with it when she had her past partners be in bed with her. There was still that fear, but she knew she wasn’t alone. She would admit however, that the only time she ever felt secured enough was when she was with Jaime. Jaime knew how to comfort her and calm her down at times like these. She wondered now, with suddenness, how she would be able to live by.  
She willed herself not to scream in fright when the thunder clapped loudly, and the lightning illuminated the room for a brief second. A shiver passed through her and she jumped. she kinda whimpered now. Her heart was also beating faster and her grip on the covers was so tight, her knuckles were almost white.  
Another thunderclap and she was just a few more minutes away to breaking down completely.  
But the door opened, and Jaime barged in. He walked to the bed without a word and pried her shaking body away from the covers. He cradled her in his arms and smoothed away the hairs on her face while wiping away the sweat that accumulated on her forehead.  
“Cersei,” he said. “You okay?., I’m here.” He dropped kisses on her forehead.  
She could feel herself going limp in his arms in sheer relief. She clung to him like he was air. And she found comfort as his hand rubbed her back soothingly, back and forth. She buried her face in his chest and started to cry suddenly not sure why , she was crying because of the thunder or other deep reason that’s more painful than that, it was the first time that she actually hugged jaime again after the separation ‘she thought and it made her more emotional  
“it’s okay,” he said as he now fully realized that Cersei was wearing a very skimpy, very little lingerie. It left little to be imagined. “Up with you now, love, come on. You’re sleeping in bed with me.”  
She muttered no protests until he directed her in his bed. She looked at him and shook her head. “No,” she said. “I’ll go sleep on a couch here somewhere or on the floor.” She stood up from his bed,  
Jaime sighed. “The couch is right there, beside the window and the floor is hard and cold and your back will not agree with that. Just sleep on the bed, I will not do any harm to your integrity.”  
She shook her head. “I’ll take the duvet and sleep on the floor then.”  
“Oh God Jesus Cersei,” he said. “I will not shower you with unwanted attention. I promise not to touch you in any wrong way. And it’s not like I haven’t slept with you in bed before! You’re my wife! One more night in bed together shouldn’t hurt!”  
It was not like he would touch her at all, she thought bitterly. But it wasn’t really that. It shouldn’t hurt, but it did. However, that wasn’t the crook of the matter.  
“I don’t want to sleep in the bed where you and--,” she paused there, sucking in deep breaths. “I can’t. I’m sorry.”  
He looked at her sharply, trying to understand and then he shook his head. “It doesn’t matter, Cersei. Either way.”  
She wanted to kick him in his balls, but refrained. She mentally berated herself for believing that they would at least contain it on the bed instead. They never really contained their sex life in bed either, why should his and Brienne’s be contained?  
“I would still take the floor,” she said. “I can’t deal with…I don’t want to sleep on the bed, on the same side she sleeps in.”  
“Oh for God’s sake,” he said, suddenly. “She hasn’t been here, Cersei. I haven’t brought anyone else here but you.”  
She looked at him in surprise. She didn’t see that one coming. “Oh,” she said softly.  
He smiled a little and held out his hand. “Come on, in bed with you now,” he said.

She gave her hand to him and let him pull her under the covers. She didn’t make a squeak when he pulled it over them and snuggled right behind her. It seemed natural when he pulled her to his chest, his nose finding its way to the nook of her neck and shoulders. It seemed right when he held her in his arms. She knew he was doing it to keep her from being afraid of the thunderstorm. But it brought so many memories of him holding her, because for so many years, he had held her in her sleep. And then suddenly he wasn’t going to anymore.  
Jaime kissed her neck, waking her from her thoughts and bringing her back to the present. It brought shivers to her body and she felt that sensation from her neck down to her toes. She snuggled closer to him and he dropped another kiss on her neck, giving her the same feeling that went straight to her groin. She turned around in his arms and kissed him. His eyes snapped open and he seemed surprised but when her hands went to rest on his chest, he seemed to lose all control and started to kiss her back. She licked his bottom lip and his mouth opened underneath hers. She suckled on his tongue, drawing it to her mouth. They were panting, when he pulled away.  
“Cersei,” he said as she placed kisses on his jaw. “I don’t think---”

She placed her finger atop his lips. “Please don’t think anymore,” she said, fiddling with his pajama bottoms. “Please, just for this one night, love me again.”


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the reviews, I had been reading theml! They have been giving me the feels.

The first touch of his lips on her made her feel like floating. at that very moment she didn't care if she seems desperate all she know is he was hers then and this very moment she's owning him It was surreal. He was kissing her again, after three long months. There was hunger in his kisses and then tenderness when a moan escaped her lips. Her hand came up to encircle his neck, and he lifted his body to rest atop hers. His hands were everywhere, and his tongue begged entrance to her mouth, which she gave without any hesitation.  
“Cersei,” he moaned deep in his throat as her hand came to stroke his hardening member. His hands tore at her flimsy night gown, and it wasn’t even ten seconds when his hand found the warmth of her breasts. His fingers pinched the pouting rosy tips of her breasts.   
She arched her back toward his seeking hand, while her own travelled down from his neck to the drawstrings of his pajama bottoms. She gave it a fierce tug and pushed it down his hips with her toes until he was able to kick it away. Her hand then slid in from the waistband of his boxers and she stroked him once, earning a loud moan.  
“Jaime,” she moaned, her warm hand closing around his member. “You feel so good, ”  
He moaned at the incredible feeling of her hand on him while his mouth made a trail of kisses from her jaws down her neck down to her breasts. His tongue fanned against its rosy peaks and she couldn’t help herself from arching her back more and tugging at his thick hair. His other hand came down to cup her bottom just as she wrapped her legs around his waist. She felt his erect member against her wetness and she moaned loudly, the sound of her moans making him suck on the tips of her breasts harder.  
She hadn’t had this much pleasure in months. And she only now realized how bad she missed it.  
Jaime let go of her long enough to take her panties and his boxers off. She wrapped her legs around his waist, locking her ankles, as he let his member rest just right outside her entrance. So close, yet still just a little bit out of reach. She whimpered, begging him to stop his teasing. He smirked slightly at her, but acquiesced, and with a soft kiss on her forehead, he entered her fully—letting her feel, once again, how full he could make her feel.   
At the back of her head, she knew that no one would ever make her feel the same way he did. And a part of her was sure that he already knew that.  
“Feels so good, love,” he moaned, grunting as he moved inside her.   
Her hand reached up to wipe away the sweat in his brows as the other came to grasp his shoulder for support. She moaned his name, as well, followed by a string of profanities and mutterings of God’s and don’t stop’s. She was in heaven, feeling her husband make love to her again after a long time.

And then, without a word, he flipped them over, putting her on top. She grinned at him naughtily and began moving above him. She leaned down to capture his mouth in a heated kiss as his hand moved to her bottom. They stayed like that, moving in slow, gentle rhythm, until she pulled him up to a sitting position and wrapped her arms around his neck. His hands, in turn, wrapped around her waist and she leaned towards him to give him a soft kiss.   
“Jaime,” she whispered against his mouth as she continued to move above him.  
They were dancing together, in the beat of their hearts, in every pant, through the whimsical silence of that stormy night. They were alone in the bedroom, alone in the world. There could have been a tornado outside the house and they wouldn’t know.  
He pushed her hair back, letting himself view her breasts unobstructed as he gave her another searing kiss that took her breath away and pushed her right to the very edge. They made love for a long time, until neither could take it anymore and they started moving frantically against each other. Cersei laid her head against his shoulder and clung to him as she recognized her end. He was moving against her in a varied pace, alternating between fast and slow—prolonging their pleasure. When he kissed her forehead before he laid his own against hers, and pulled her down against him one more time, she reached the pinnacle of pleasure, screaming his name in a voice that she hardly recognized as hers. A few more thrusts, and he followed suit, bellowing her name.  
Exhausted and sore, she collapsed right down to bed, and Jaime did the same, spooning right behind her. He kissed her neck and then her shoulder and then her ear before he finally drifted to sleep. Smiling to herself, she pulled his hand and gave his knuckles a quick, soft kiss.  
She woke up a bit later on, but it was still pitch black and dark outside. It was a bit cold, but the rain had stopped. She snuggled closer to Jaime’s warmth, still, however, when a chill ran through her body. She let herself bask in his embrace, having missed it for so long, but soon enough, the need to see his face overwhelmed her, and she turned in his arms, letting his arm fall away from her waist. She propped herself on her elbow and stared at his as he slept. He looked so peaceful, that gaunt look in his face disappearing in his deep slumber. His lips though still formed a small adorable pout—much like when he would want her attention or for her to give him a kiss. She longed to press her lips against his, and with a little hesitation, she finally did. The love they had made the previous night was paramount in her head. A part of her said that she was happy about it—that part still hoping he would realize he still loved her and would want to come back to her. But another part, a bigger part, told her that if he really did love Brienne the way he said he did, then he was going to regret what happened between them. And the thought was back-lashing on her—hard.  
She brought her hand down to smooth the slight crease on his forehead. He was still the most striking man she had ever seen, and every time, it felt like her heart would burst with her love for him. For a while she played with his hair, sliding her fingers through its thickness the way she knew he loved, and she briefly wondered if Brienne knew that it was the most relaxing thing for him besides having chest and back rubs. She also wondered if Brienne did it to him, or how often, but she pushed those thoughts away. She was only torturing herself. And it did no good.  
It fleeted her thought that she ought to leave now, while he was still asleep and while she still could. She could still check herself in a hotel, and she would and could call him to thank him when she gathered the courage to.  
“Cersei,” Jaime murmured in his sleep, the sound of his voice slightly muffled by his pillow. He probably thought it was Brienne. “Go back to sleep.”  
Her hand stopped and she let her head fall back to the pillows. At the back of her mind, she knew wasn’t thinking of her, but of Brienne who knew nothing of what transpired between him and her. Guilt gripped her suddenly, leaving her blood cold. She knew how it felt to be cheated on. And although it was the same woman who had done the same to her—she still believed that no one deserved to be cheated on.  
But this was her husband, and she had the right to sleep with him without having to feel guilty about it.  
“Sleep,” Jaime murmured, pulling her closer to him and to his chest, effectively putting a stop to the internal war happening in her brain. He dropped a kiss on her forehead and for the moment, she let it go. She let herself enjoy the warmth of his embrace. Even for just tonight.  
When she woke up again later, the sun had risen and was shining so brightly. The rays streamed through the windows of the expansive room. The skies looked so clear, leaving no trace of the havoc it wreaked just the night before. She reached for the warm body beside her but her hand fell into the dented, empty space on his side of the bed. She sighed, knowing that his thoughts were of regrets with what they had done the night before.  
Maybe like the skies were clear of any signs of rain, there was supposed to be no more trace of their lovemaking the night before.  
She knew she should have left last night, when she didn’t have to face him, when she wouldn’t have to force herself to be civil with him, when she didn’t have to and couldn’t see the regret in his eyes for having sex with his wife.  
Timidly, she pushed the covers off her body. She made her way to the bathroom and took a quick shower. She wanted to get out of there as quick as possible. When she finished, she gathered her bag and walked out of the room and into the kitchen, where she was sure he would be. She stepped in hesitantly, but he didn’t look up at her. He had his nose buried on his daily paper as he sat on the counter island, his cup of coffee before him.  
“I need to get going,” she said softly, afraid to tip over the already volatile calmness. “If the company haven’t changed or fixed the gate by now, I need to be there when they would.”  
He turned to look at her. She could feel his gaze burning holes in her. He probably felt disgusted, or something—she didn’t know, she couldn’t read his expression. She wavered at the intensity of his gaze and she looked down self-consciously. She eyed her shoes for a while, until she was almost sure that the black satin of her pumps would be imprinted in her head.  
“Have breakfast first,” he said quietly. It almost sounded like a growl. He stood up from where he was seating and walked over to the oven. He took the plates out and placed them on the kitchen counter. He got her a cup of coffee, thereafter, before taking his seat. “Then I’ll drive you home.”  
She followed his actions, feeling startled. She was almost sure that he would kick her out. But here he was insisting she stayed and have breakfast with him.  
“It’s okay, Jaime,” she said. “I can take a cab, or I can call My Driver .”  
He looked at her sharply and clicked his tongue—in frustration, she was sure. She’d been used to that reaction, having come across it for almost all her life. He had been doing that long before they got married“Eat,” he grunted, and she could not do anything but follow. Denying him of whatever he asked of her had never been her strongest suit. And even now, now that he had hurt her, was discarding her like all those years meant nothing to him, she still couldn’t do it.  
She dared not to meet his eyes as she sat on the stool. It wasn’t like he wanted to anyway. It almost felt like it actually hurt him to look at her.   
“Are you going to tell Brienne?” she asked, her eyes raising a bit to look at him.  
He didn’t meet her eyes but answered her in a low voice. “I don’t know,” he said.  
“Suppose I do?” are you expecting me to tell her? she asked him, in an attempt to get a reaction from him. Although, she would admit that a part of her wanted to tell Brienne.  
His eyes widened but he still refused to meet her eye. “You’re not going to do that,” he said thoughtfully. “That’s way too vindictive, even for you.”  
She sighed and with sarcastic chuckle. He Might be right. But right now, as he refused to even look at her, she was tempted. She knew they had sex last night and that it was wrong because he was with someone now, but he didn’t seem to think it was when he cheated on her! who the hell does he think he is  
Her fist clenched around the knife’s handle as anger built up inside her. How was it fair that he could not even look her in the eye after sleeping with her but he could go on having an affair? How dare he look her in the eye as he was telling her that he was in love with another woman, had an affair with another woman behind her back, but not be able to even so much as look at her after sleeping with her—his own bloody wife.  
She tried not to, but the words were spilling out of her mouth before she could stop them.  
“You know, I can’t stand the fact that you’re so fucking asshole , that you have to be such a chivalrous man,” she started, her words hissed through her teeth, “that you cannot stand cheating on your mistress with your own wife.” She laughed acidly a bit, before shaking her head. She just could see how insane she seemed, how insane the situation was. “You can tell me straight up without blinking that you’re fucking some whore behind my back but you can’t even look me in the eye the day after you fuck me?”

Jaime looked up at her with shocked eyes. He probably didn’t expect that sudden outburst. “What?” he asked. “Cersei?”  
“Oh shut the fuck up and stop playing the fucking fool,” she complained, her voice rising with every inflection. “Don’t you dare ask me what, now. You know what I’m talking about. You know I’m not stupid and try as you might to erase it, I have been married to you for long years, been with you since we’re child before that. I know you like the back of my hand!”  
She clenched her fists to keep herself from clearing the counter off its content in absolute rage. She watched him lower his eyes again.  
It was driving her mad.  
“I know you’re so guilty right now. And even though that makes no sense to me at all, I am trying to understand you, Jaime,” she said, her voice strained—in an attempt to be at least calm. “But the least you can do is to look at me. Look at me and stop making me feel like I’m so disgusting! you fucking asshole!  
He looked up at her and she gasped in surprise. She saw anger, which was really not surprising, but she also saw passion and that shocked her. She didn’t think she would see that at all.  
“You want me to look at you?” he asked as he stared her right in the eyes. “There. And do you like what you see Cersei? Do you like the fact that I am in this state when I shouldn’t be? Does it please you to know that it kills me right now to have made love to my own wife last night and be eaten up with guilt? But at the same time I feel, I feel so alive, it’s ridiculous!”  
She bit her bottom lip. “Why does it matter Jaime?” she asked. “You shouldn’t be guilty to have made love with me—your wife! What you should guilty about is the fact that you’re fucking…” she paused and stood up from the stool. “We’re married. It’s not a mortal sin.”  
“Our marriage is over, Cersei,” he said, deadpan. He looked as though there was something else he wanted to say, but he only shook his head. “It’s over.”  
Something caught her throat and she turned back sharply she's really trying her hardest not to cry she's not weak atleast that what she keps telling to herself. “It didn’t seem over when you had your hands on me last night!”  
“It’s called reflex, Cersei!” he yelled at her. “You and I may be married in paper, but you and I both know that this marriage is dead.”  
She felt her world crumble down, shattering into million pieces. Dead. Their marriage was dead to him. At that moment, she understood what it meant to see red. In a bout of fury and with unbridled rage, she threw off everything on the counter table in one swipe of her arms.  
“Well it shouldn’t be fucking dead, Jaime,” she yelled. “It shouldn’t be dead. You promised to love me, to cherish me, and to be with me for the rest of your life, till death do we part. Are those just words to you? Is that why our marriage is dead? For all those years that we’ve been married what else did you keep from me? What else? Why did this marriage die?”   
She was so furious , to the point that she wanted to throw everything that she could reach. Jaime took hold of her but she fought him off, hitting his chest with every word. She was tired. And like her marriage, she wanted to kill him.  
“I didn’t want it to be this way, Cersei,” he said. “But I can’t help it if I find myself in love with someone new.”  
Maybe, there really were words better left unsaid.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi Guys! Thank u for your reviews, I understand and Appreciate them. first of all im sorry if this story isn’t something you expected it to be, I agree this Cersei is different. I can’t give a very detailed explanation maybe Im writing this very differently, maybe you’re right, maybe I have a diff pov when it comes to Cersei, as for my explanation I just think Cersei is soft when it comes to her children and in this case she doesn’t have one, She only have Jaime in her life since she’s away from her family and she’s devoted to him Only. also this is not even the half of the story yet,I know the story is getting annoying now and dragging too, im just trying to stick to reality, as much as i can and no wounds ever heal without time, angst and pain is a major part of this fic :D, I don’t know if I can satisfy you in the next chapters I also don’t know if you’re still interested, it’s okay if you all don’t want it anymore, I will continue it anyway 
> 
> Also this going to be the first time that im gonna write an actual POV for this plot let me know what you think

The motions of living were lost to Cersei. After that incident in Jaime’s new house almost a month and a half ago, she just lost interest in trying anymore. She went home that day, running—away from him, his house and the pain. When she got home, she suffered enough, she vowed to move on. She was not going to fight anymore. Why fight when you’re the only one left in the battle.  
Until now she’s trying to be more civil with Jaime, at the end of the day they’re still a family. She can’t completely just get rid of him.  
She’s just focusing more in her Job and dedicating her time at work.

Cersei just got back home from work and checked her phone just then she saw tons of messages from Tyrion so she decided to give him a call since he mentioned that they're going to have a kick-off party for his company.

Cersei’s POV

"Hello Tyrion"

"Hi Cersei, what's up  
“So have you received the invitation to the kick-off party yet?”

“Uh...pft...yeah.”

“I take it you're less than thrilled.”

“Yeah about that...I don't think I'm going to go this year.”

“What!...You have to. Im not going to take a NO for an answer ”

“Come on Tyrion you know why.”

“Well... tell me why?”

I hesitate at first but then spill it. “You know what happened Jaime and I……. do I really have to tell you that? Im sure Jaime is gonna be there as well, probably with his Girlfriend, speaking of that I also don't exactly have a date this year.”

“Oh come on this is not for both of you we’ve been doing this for years! .First of all we’re family it's about the company ignore him if thats what bothers you just please be there like both of you have always been please’’

“uhhhh but..” 

“You're going.”

“You're probably going to be disappointed...but....”

“No I'm not, Cause you're going regardless even if I have to tie you up and drag you there myself.”

“Tyrion...I don't have a date and I'm not going alone.”

“You won't...You'll have a date. It’s time”

“Oh yeah...Who?”

“It will be a surprise...Trust me, you'll like him.”

“I don't like blind dates. I don’t have any time for that right now”

“Don't worry...He won't be blind.”

“You're so funny ...” I say in the most sarcastic tone I can muster up.

“I am aren't I...It'll be fine...you’ll be fine Trust me.”

Tyrion's POV

As I flipped the phone shut after ending the call with Cersei a smile creeps across my lips. I've missed her voice last couple of weeks. We haven’t really talked about what happened and what’s happening to her and Jaime, I just think they just need a break and more time but I won’t just wait for that to happen maybe I just need to do something.

I can't believe that she thought she could get away with not showing up to this party. Last year was great, we all had such a smashing time. It’s been the tradition of us, I’m always inviting them to the kick-off party of my company since both of them have been a very great help for me to have a successful company and that’s the only time that I could really have a great time with my siblings. I won’t let go of that tradition easily we’re still a family.

I'm visiting with Oberyn one of my closest colleague, at least he became one since I met him in some business deals that father force me to do a few months ago.

She knows my sister first so it became easy for us to became friends and have something to talk about, although Cersei didn’t know yet that we know each other . 

I walk into the kitchen taking in the wonderful aroma of the stew that was simmering on the stove and  
Greeted by Oberyn

“Good afternoon”

“Hello Tyrion...You seem to be in a great mood.”

“Yeah I guess maybe I am.”

“What's the occasion?”

I laugh at him.... “No reason really...I just got off the phone with Cersei and...” he cuts me off there before I can even finish.

“Cersei...” he says with a bright smile that seems to light the room even more than it already is. “How is she?”

I smile at Oberyn's mood. “She's...Cersei.” cocking his eyebrows at Oberyn and smirk at him

“Tyrion whatever is that supposed to mean?”

“Well I know you know my sister in fact you told me you gave her a choreography Job, Im actually still figuring out how you made her agree to that. I mean, she have a lot of things going on right now, you know? and that’s why she doesn’t want to go to kick off party. She was being difficult.”

“Oh yes? I actually I don’t know her that much. not yet anyway”

“Interesting? Anyway, she thought she could skip out on the kick-off party for My Company.”

“Why would she skip out?” he looks puzzled but then realization hits him, “Jaime?”

“Well yeah and...She doesn't have a date and since everyone has one probably even Jaime she feels...”

I try to find the right word but he finishes my thought. “Lonely?”

“Yes...Lonely.”

“and because Jaime won’t take her? Arent they…..

I cut him off ‘’If you’re going to ask if they’re still together or at least working things out, I don’t know how to answer that because I don’t even know”

“Well Cersei told me She’s separating with her husband the first time I talked to her. But didn’t asked her further about it”

I just shrugged as a response 

“Yes and as I said Jaime will probably bring Brienne with him.”

“Brienne?”

“Brienne is his girlfriend...Not with Cersei anymore”

I can see Oberyn raising his eyebrow and I know he wants to say something else

but I beat him to it “Yes I know it’s going to be a hell of a party”

“I bet” he doesn’t say anymore he simply turns around and left and walks out of the room to have a glass of water.

I just came over to asked Oberyn if he knows someone single available on dates. This is definitely going to be a challenge I thought. Then all of the sudden it hit me like a ton of bricks...I knew exactly what I have to do...I know exactly who would be the perfect person to escort her to the party.”

Cersei's POV

I feel like I’m having a panic attack I don’t know if I can handle seeing Jaime with her new girl for the first time, it’s been 4 months since we’re separated but still I was thinking how dare he brings his mistress to that party but also thinking maybe he just want to shove her on my face so I can move on quickly.

I haven't talked to Jaime for a long time. But we talked a little just a casual conversation about company and stuff we never really opened the topics about what happened in his house maybe it’s better this way, pretending that nothing happened. Life goes on. It’s been a month and half since I've been home from his house and four days since Tyrion has told me that I have no choice but to go to this stupid kick-off party. I've been trying to get him to give me clues on who is going to be my date but I'm having no luck. When he wants to be stubborn he's the most stubborn person in this world, scratch that...I mean universe. I doubt I'll get anything out of him today when he calls.

I head upstairs to my closet searching for something to wear to this thing on Friday. I'm having no luck everything is either too dressy...Not dressy enough...Too boring...Too flashy...Too sexy... I pull out a short black dress, looking it over, not really feeling it but really having no other choice. I could go out to look for one but for some reason I really could careless and I'm not in the mood. Just then I hear someone at the door. I'm not expecting anyone so I'm wondering who this could be.

I look out the window before answering it just in case it's someone I don't want to entertain for the afternoon and see a FedEx truck parked in my driveway. I can't remember ordering anything but then again who knows, I just may have. I open the door to a somewhat stunned younger FedEx delivery boy.

“Hello.” I say trying to get some kind of response from him.

“You're Cersei Lannister...” He says holding on to my package and his jaw slightly open in surprise.

“Yes...I am...” He still doesn't do anything. “Is that my package?” I ask hoping he'll come out of his trance.

He shakes his head a bit and comes back to earth. “Y...Yes...Sorry...I Uh...”

I rescue him from embarrassment. “It's OK...Here come in while I grab you a tip.”

He doesn't say anything he just follows me into my Kitchen where I reach into my purse and pull out a generous tip. “Here ya go.”

“Thanks...Uh...I need your autograph...I mean I need you to sign this.”  
Sometimes I forget I was an actress and things like this reminds me of good old days 

“Would you like both?”

“Yes please.” 

I can see he's turning redder by the second, I sign for the package and for him and pretty soon he's off. I walk back upstairs looking at the package. It's definitely Jaime's sloppy hand writing. I just knew it is from Jaime he’s used to buying me a dress for this occasion but I never really thought that he’d still buy me this time. I’m so confuse but I open the box anyway to find another box this one is wrapped in shiny gold paper with a black velvet bow. It's really pretty and I don't want to ruin it but I'm dying to see what it is. I get the paper off and pull at the lid, underneath the tissue paper I see a gold-like color fabric...It's a dress! How did he know I needed one? Tyrion probably told him I’m going to attend. I think back to see if maybe I mentioned it but I honestly don't think I did. I pull it out of the box the whole way. It's a gorgeous long slinky gown with a neckline that doesn't stop. In the box it looked gold but now that I see it more in the light it looks more like a nude color. It's beautiful...Everything I would have pick out. It's sexy yet sophisticated at the same time...It's...Perfect! 

Instead of calling Jaime to thank him I called Tyrion 

“Hello?”

“Tyrion?...”

“No..Jaime. I’m here in Tyrion’s house”

“Is Tyrion around?...I want to talk to him.”

He just ignored my Question and go on with his own question

“You got the dress?”

“Why Jaime? Why are you still doing that?” im sure he can hear the confusion in my voice for him to tell me honestly why, because right now I’m so confuse by his actions I thought we’re clear about keeping it casual from now on but how? if he’s still doing stuff like what he’s doing when we’re still together it’s not helping at all.

“When Tyrion told me you’re going I remember seeing that Dress it is really beautiful I saw that and all I could think is it’ll really looks good on you,” I can’t help it” he mumbles 

Awkward silence from both of us 

“Thanks,…… but I just want you to know that Im going to wear it not because it came from you but because I don’t have any time to buy a new dress right now. Now I want to talk to Tyrion please”

“he's around here somewhere...You'll just have to talk to me while I find him for you. “

“What else do you want me to say?”

“You’re gonna be okay?”

“Really Jaime you’re asking me that? You’re really asking me that?” I can’t help but just sarcastically laugh at his question I can’t believe he just asked me that.

“Cersei Please just for the occasion, for Tyrion”

“Then let me talk to Tyrion”

“Okay he is here....”

“Tyrion why did you tell Jaime I’m going?

“He’ll find out anyway, don’t worry I did not tell him you’re going to have a date” he whisper

“Why?”

“He won’t come’’

“He won’t come? and before all this you’re expecting me to come knowing that he’s with her girlfriend, his own date”

“I just know it. I know you and I know him. you can handle it, you’ll be fine”

“And he can’t? How are you certain of that? 

“I told you, because I know him”

“Whatever I just want to know who’s my date ?”

“No way you'll find out on Friday.”

“Tyrion please… Is he handsome?”

“I suppose...”

“Bye Cersei I really have something to do. it’s a surprise.”

“okay bye.”


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a Quick update :)

Cersei's POV

It's Friday, I'm not sure what I'm feeling. On one hand I can’t help it but i’m a little bit excited since soon I'll be seeing Jaime again for the first time in months but then on the other hand I'm a bit nervous for tonight to come since I'll be on this blind date thing.

I step out of the shower and lather my skin with this cream that I suddenly remember this drives Jaime crazy. every time I wear it he told me he could just eat me up. I always act annoyed and disgusted but the truth is I find it sexy.

I walk over to the box my dress was sent in and lift the top off, pulling out one of the most beautiful dresses I've ever seen. I’m really conflicted if I’m going to wear it but like what I’ve said to Jaime I don’t really have the time to buy and choose a new one with all the work. I hold it up to my figure and gaze into the mirror. I can't help but smile. I look at the time and panic because I'm going to be late. I don't even have my make up on let alone anything else. I hurry and pull out a pair of lacy panties that are just as sexy as the dress and slide them up my legs Then dash into the bathroom to do my hair and make up. Once everything is complete I give myself a once over look in the mirror and slip on my dress. I look in the mirror again and I can't believe what I see. It fits me like a glove, complimenting me in all the right places.

I think about calling Jaime to at least thank him but as soon as I open the phone I shut it again. I stare at my phone for what seems like an eternity until I'm struck out of my day dream by the sound of my door bell ringing. 

“Oh god... My date is here.”

I throw on my stilettos and yell downstairs hoping that he'll hear me through the door.

“I'm coming...Just a minute.”

I descend the stairs as quickly as I possibly can in hills and take in a deep breath before I open up the door. I know a shocked look must have been stuck on my face because the familiar voice before me started to laugh.

“I bet you weren't expecting me?”

I still stand there in shock at who is actually standing in my doorway.

“Oberyn?...”

“I take that as you didn't...Did I disappoint you?”

“No...Not at all...I just wasn't expecting it would be you.”

We still stand in the doorway not moving...I can't help but stare. And I know he's looking too. I shake my head a bit, cursing myself silently for being caught up in a trance. That was probably what the FedEx boy felt like the other day.

“I'm sorry, Oberyn...Come in.”

He hands me a beautiful bouquet of flowers.

“Some lovely flowers for a lovely lady.”

“Thank you...” I smell them before I walk into the kitchen to find a vase for them. He follows me in and sits down on one of the bar stools...Still staring at me.

“You look...” He stops his thought, his head shaking back and forth, his eyes moving up and down my body. I can feel his look burning right through me. “...Stunning.”

I smile at him. “Thank you....” I spin in a circle so he can see all of it.

“Remind me to thank Tyrion later.”

“Thank him for what?”

“For giving me the pleasure to look at you all night.”

Familiar chills run up my spine. The same chills that run up my spine every time Jaime whispers something in my ear. 

I bite my lower lip, trying to hold back the mega watt smile that is threating to come out. “Oberyn...”

“I'm serious Cersei...You're beautiful.”

God help me, he’s hot. I've met Oberyn many times before at work but this time it seems different, like I'm meeting him for the first time. I've never seen him this way before. He's got on a pair of black dress pants and a white button down dress shirt and just as Jaime he has the first three buttons opened.  
“Are you Ok?”

“Yeah why wouldn’t I be?”

“Well for starters you’re going to ware out the floor by pacing the way you are….” He paused looking at her more intensely

‘You’re nervous”

“No I’m not”

“Yes you are”

“No I’m not… that’s silly why would I be nervous?”

“Because …. You are”

“I don’t know … I just”

“Oh…. I get it”

“Oh you get it ?”

“Yea Jaime will be there”  
…………

Cersei didn’t comment on that instead she just stopped squeezed her eye shut and rubbed her temples  
And quickly change the subject

“Anyway how did Tyrion know about you?”

“We’ve met in a business meeting.”

“Oh I see, he never told me about that”

“I Just did” Oberyn came closer and held her hand “let’s just have fun tonight okay? You look so beautiful ”

“Thank you...You're not half bad yourself.”

“Half bad?” He cracks a smile

“OK...You want the truth?...You're very handsome.”

“That's better.” We both laugh.

“So what does your wife think about you flying half way around the world to take me to some lame party?” I remembered him telling me he’s separated but I just want to make sure 

He hold up his hand and I notice that his wedding band is gone.

“Didn't Tyrion tell you?”

“No he never told me anything about you...What happened?”

“Lets just say things didn't work out between us...”

“I'm so sorry. The feeling is pretty mutual”

“No, don't be...sorry.”

“Oh...I.”

He looks at his watch and I know that's a sign to change the subject...I know, I've been there.

“Well, Miss Lannister are you ready to knock people dead with your looks?”

“Yeah, but can I ask you a favor first?”

“Sure can.”

“I have this necklace but the clasp is so hard to do by myself, Do you think...”

“Sure.” 

“I'll be right back.”

I go back upstairs to my bedroom to grab the necklace and as soon as I get out of his view I stop finally catching my breath. He has really blown me away. I get the necklace and go back downstairs handing it to him. I pull my hair to the side and can feel him approach me from behind. His scent fills my nose and I find myself closing my eyes picturing Jaime. His breath hot against the back of my neck. I look at my arms to find goosebumps rising. His touch is soft and he's taking his time. Finally he's done but I want him to stay right where he's at. But he backs away.

“Are you cold?...I see goosebumps.”

“A little.” I lie

I have to say something, anything to break this feeling I'm having.

“Are you ready?”

“Yep lets go.”

We walk to the door and as we are about to walk out, my house phone rings. I think about answering it but decide against it. “I'll just let the machine get it.”


	19. Chapter 19

Oberyn’s POV

I was sitting in the living room flipping through the tv when Tyrion enters the room, grabbing the remote out of my hands and turning the TV off.“What’s that all about”“Sorry but I need a favor from you.”“A favor?”“Yes...A really big one.”“What is it?”“Before you say no, I just want to tell you that you are my only option left, You're the only one I will trust to do this and do it right.”He's going on and on...This got to be important.“OK OK what is it?”“I need you to leave work for a while”“I can't just leave work.”“Yes you can you do it all the time...You are your own boss...You can do anything you want.”I know I can leave work when I want to but I'm just holding out in case he comes up with something crazy that I have no desire doing.“OK fine I can but why?”I need you to escort Cersei to the kick off party this Friday.”“Oh why?” “Just because...She needs a date. And I can tell you’re interested anyway”  
  
“What makes you think I wanted her?”  
“Oberyn …. Don’t kid yourself…. Let’s not be simple minded now”  
I can't believe what I'm hearing...but Cersei Lannister can't get a date?“You mean to tell me that Cersei...as in Cersei Lannister, your insanely hot sister...Can't find a date?”“It's not that she can't find a date...trust me there is a line to date this woman...It's just that she doesn't want to find a date.”I totally believe the waiting in line to date her bit...She's extremely attractive...Any man would be crazy to pass up a date with her.  
“But I don’t have business being there”  
  
“I’m asking you a favor and I’m inviting you and being that...You kind of does have all the business being there.”“Does she know that you're asking me” “No...That will be a secret...I don't want her to get all crazy by telling her...You're just going to show up at her doorstep.”“What? Unannounced?”I look at Tyrion like he's lost his mind.“No...She'll know someone is escorting her but just not who...Will ya do it...Please?”“Are you begging me?” teasing him a little bit but I really want to do it and I can't help but smile at him.“Will you or not?”“Yes...Fine...I'll do it and Jaime will be there?.. I have to asked him again  
“Yes, Jaime have to take Brienne.”I raise my eyebrow, not believing a word that is coming out of his mouth. This going to be awkward. I wonder why is he doing this to them?, I mean inviting or probably forcing both of them to come knowing they just got separated and now Jaime with his new woman? We’re going to be in the same fucking party, it’s just not very normal, but also I think this family is far from normal anyway.“I see...So you're OK with me...You know getting close to her?”I want to test Tyrion to see if he really cares about me intervening on Jaime and Cersei’s possible reconciliation and judging by the look on his face after I asked the big question, I'd say he does.“What do you mean by that?”“You know what I mean.”“Oberyn don't make me knock you out.”Yep, he has definitely confirmed it...I still think he want’s things to work out between Jaime and Cersei.“Hey now...What's the problem... if you’re still worrying about Jaime as you said he’s with Brienne...you think he still cares?”“I just don't want to see her getting more hurt that's all.”“But if she was willing?”I know I'm pushing it...But if things actually do go well and it does come to this than I want to know if I will be okay with him.“Yeah whatever...I'm done with talking about this...Just please do it. I don’t want to see Cersei alone in the party whilst Jaime is with Brienne.”He really cares about his siblings and I felt a little sting thinking that he’s probably just using me for Cersei to get into Jaime’s nerves. But I’ll see~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Finally Friday is here. I'm getting ready for tonight, hoping everything will run smooth. For some reason I keep getting nervous about this date. I'm never one to get nervous either. It doesn't take me long to get ready. I'm heading out and just as I'm pulling out of the driveway I remember that I forgot my cologne. I don't feel like running back into the house so I search for a bottle that Tyrion Gifted me the other week I know it’s somewhere in this car... I look in one of the front compartments and Jackpot...I found it. I spray some on and continue to the address that Tyrion gave me on to Cersei's. On the way there I pull over at a flower shop and decide to add to the Martell charm and buy her flowers.All to soon I'm standing at her door step, nerves taking over my body. I take in a deep breath and ring the bell. Nothing. I ring again and her voice fills my ears.“I'm coming...just a minute.”Soon I hear her on the other side opening up the door. She has a surprised look on her face but all I notice is how beautiful she looks standing there. I flash a big smile her way waiting for her to say something but she doesn't.“I bet you weren't expecting me?” I say and watch as her face turns soft and her lips form a smile.“Oberyn?” She finally speaks and to me it's music to my ears.She finally invites me in and I hand her the bouquet of flowers. I'm awe struck at the way she looks...She is really quite the beauty. Jaime must be out of his mind for leaving her. After chatting with her for a few minutes I find out that she still thinks I'm working things out with my ex wife. I don't know if this was wishful thinking or what but as soon as tell her I'm not I can't help but notice that she looks relieved and maybe a bit happy. I know I caught her staring at me a few times and I know I'm staring right back at her. Right before we are about to leave she asks me to help her with her necklace and I help her but soon someone will have to help me when I'm falling all over her later. With every second I'm with her I find myself becoming more and more attracted to her. We begin to walk out the door but the phone stops her, she looks at me then shakes it off.“I'll let the machine get it.”  


Jaime's POV As I search through the medicine drawer all I can hear in the background is Brienne’s voice, it's starting to get annoying...I'm not even sure she's still yelling at this point or I'm just still imagining it. God that voice...It's never bothered me this much before. I ignore her and continue on with my search for some kind of pain killer. Finally, Yes there it is. I find the bottle of aspirin and with my luck the lid is stuck causing my head to pound even more. I need her...I need her right now more than anything...She knows exactly what to do every time. I don't know what it is but as soon as I feel a headache coming on she usually can tell straight away. I remember this one time at meeting. I started one of these spells and she stopped the Meeting and took me back to her room where she gave me my pill and turned out all the lights, laying my head in her lap. She rubbed my head and stroked my hair, never stopping once in the 20 minutes we were laying in the dark. I couldn't even see her, it was so dark but I could sure feel her. That's all it took. She had taken away one of the most throbbing headaches I've ever had. I put the bottle down on the counter and grab my phone. Maybe hearing her voice will do it. Maybe she can talk me through it. I go to dial her number and... . It's ringing...Once...Twice...Three times...Four times...And machine...Hello I can't come to the phone at this time but if you leave a message I'll get back to you.” The machine beeps and I hang up. I sit there not moving an inch for at least five minutes, just thinking about her. Then I realize that the pounding is gone...I no longer have a headache...Could it be that just hearing her voice stopped it...Or was it just the pills starting to work. In my heart I believe it's the first one.


	20. Chapter 20

Cersei's POV

I shut my front door and lock up. Oberyn lets me lead the way and I can feel his hand lightly pressed up against my back as he walks me to the car.

“Nice Car”

“Just for you”

He opens the passenger door for me and I climb in, sinking into the leather seats. I watch from the window as Oberyn walks over to his side and climbs in himself. Before he turns on the car he looks at me with a smile. I smile back and off we go. As we are sitting at a red light he flips through the CD collection searching for some music to listen to. 

“I must say I've learned a few things from Tyrion this week.”

“And what's that?”

“Well for one...Jaime has fine taste in women...” And he looks me right in the eyes as he says it then down my body. “... 

I don't say anything to that I just look out my window. I can feel myself turning red. Soon the voice of Sinatra fills the car and I find myself relaxing even more than I was before. I'm now fixed on Oberyn. I watch him unnoticed as he drives the streets. I can't believe how much he reminds me of Jaime. Their both striking man, good looks and charm and even the way they drive, one hand on the wheel the other on the gear shifter, lightly drumming his thumb to the beat. I bet if I close my eyes it wouldn't be hard to imagine it was Jaime behind the wheel. Finally Oberyn feels my eyes on him and he looks over at me.

“Is there something wrong?”

“No...” And I smile giving myself away.

“Yes there is...What is it?”

“Nothing really.”

“It must be something...With that smile and all.”

“I was just thinking, that's all.”

“Care to share?”

“Just that you remind me so much of Jaime.”  
I can see he was surprised that I mentioned Jaime

“Oh boy...Is that a good thing or a bad thing?”

“It's good.” And I lightly push him.

“So how do I remind you of him?”

“You’re both good looking.”

“But...I'm way more handsome.”

I laugh as he's telling me this.

“...And your both a little bit cocky too I see.”

“Sweetheart you haven't seen anything yet...You want to see cocky...I'll show it to you later.” He tries to be serious but he bursts into laughter and so do I. “...So what else? Are we really talking about your ex husband?”

“Im Sorry.” I look down at my hands and feel nervous as we get closer to the venue.

“Are you really okay?”

“Yea Im fine” I tried to cover up my nervousness with a giggle. Do I look…. I don’t know…”

“Distracted maybe ?”

“Yeah …. Maybe”

“Well you do seem a little out of sorts ….. Don’t wory I’ll make you forget about whatever it is”. He gave her a playful wink and a smile.”

I smiled back

“I think it’s because Jaime is gonna be there yeah?”

“Huh uhhh Jaime….. Yes he’s gonna be there he’s a family so he has to be.” Not really answering his question I just told him he’ll be there. I turned my head towards the window crossing my eyes in frustration at how I reacted to Jaime’s name, “So what about Jaime?”

“Oh Nothing ….. really I’ve never had a the pleasure to meet him. how are you and him now?”

“What?.. I was a bit confused about why Oberyn was so interested on how my relationship with Jaime’s going”

“Oh I mean, we talked about it before but are you on speaking terms?”

“Not really but sometimes yeah just casual conversation”

He moves his hand from the gear shift and places it over my hand that is on my lap and lightly caresses it.

“We are going to have a fabulous time tonight. I wan’t to dance with you tonight”

I look down at his hand and he must have noticed because he pulled it back.

I can't help but agree that we are going to have a wonderful time with each other. The rest of the ride is spent mostly in a comfortable silence just enjoying the sound of Frank Sinatra. I find myself stealing glances at Oberyn every once in a while and catch him as well.

All to soon we are pulling up to the hotel where the party is taking place. There are some photographer around outside waiting for everyone to arrive.I know there will be photographs of Oberyn and I and questions will arise from most of the people in Casterly about the two of us arriving together. At least they won't poke fun at me for coming alone.

We pull up to the circle and the valet is waiting. I look at Oberyn and he looks at me. I'm sure we are both thinking the same thing. Do we let the valet park the car?

“Well Miss Lannister...Maybe I should let you off here and I'll park.”

“I was thinking the same...Except I'll just park with you.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

Oberyn rolls down his window and tells the valet he'll park himself and the valet points him in the right direction.

We park the car and before I know it Oberyn is around to my side helping me out. I take his hand and start to venture towards the front of the hotel. I look over at the other cars that are parked near ours and notice that Jaime has already arrived and I can't help but get butterflies in my stomach at the thought of seeing him in a few short moments, but also I keep on repeating in my head

“Just keep it Casual, Just Keep it Casual , Just tonight”

We start to walk and I'm not sure if he wants to link arms with me or not but I make the first move and slither my arm into his. On the way to the front doors we stop and pose for a few photographs before entering. 

We walk into the big ball room where the party is being held and I can’t help but look for Jaime like automation...Finally I spot him standing over by a bunch of the People, Ned and Catelyn standing next to him and his Mistress beside him I watch him for a few seconds, his hands placed gently on her hips, rubbing small circles on the fabric of her dress, something that he always did to me. I felt my heart slowly crashing inside of me and just at that moment he looked up with a smile and met my gaze like he heard my heart breaking. Within seconds he realized I had seen him really close with Brienne and seeing me with the man he never met before his expression became almost sad and shock. It’s not an Imagination right? I saw his expression. The only thing that I could do to make it look like I didn’t care was a smile. Oberyn and I made our way through the crowd until two really familiar faces came into view.

“Tyrion! Shae!”

“Over here…. You guys are sitting at our table.”

Shae was a little more than excited to see Cersei.

“How are you?”

“Im fine you?”

“Good now that you’re here …. I don’t know anyone. Tyrion keeps disappearing on me to talk to some big fish here”

“Shae… baby I have to …. I don’t want to be rude”

“I know sweetie.”

“Hey Tyrion… so it’s Oberyn huh” I leaned over to the table giving Tyrion a Hug.

“Aren’t you surprise?” Tyrion now looking at Oberyn with smirk on his face.

“I am , I really am”

“Ready for the night Oberyn?” Tyrion extended his hand to Oberyn and gave it a firm shake

“I am, Thank you for the Opportunity you gave to have a wonderful night with this beautiful woman”

They all shared a good laugh

At this point I find myself once again lost. My head on constant swivel in search of Jaime and his Mistress, I’m still going to call her that I’m not even sorry because she really is a mistress still.t they were nowhere to be found. A hand on my shoulder brought me back to reality , it was Oberyn.

“Okay now?”

“Yeah im good”

Oberyn’s POV

As Cersei locks up her home and I walk her to the car I can help but reach out and touch her back, guiding her to the car. She kind of stops abruptly as she notices that I have the Bentley.

“You have a Nice Car?”

I didn’t sad it out loud but I really did bring the best car I have just for her maybe im falling and Im falling hard.

I open the passenger door for her and watch as she climbs in. As she sits down her dress rides up her leg a little showing me some extra skin. I have a hard time tearing my eyes away but I do...I have to.  
I walk over to the other side and get in as well and as I do I can't help but look at her and smile.

We get to the first red light and I look for something for us to listen to. I stop once I get to Sinatra. You can't go wrong with Sinatra. I pop it in the Cd player and his words begins to fill the car.

I tell her that I've learned a few things from Tyrion while I was talking to him this week he shared a lot about Cersei and Jaime’s relationship probably to warm me up for this date and she asks me what. I can't believe I'm about to tell her this but I do anyway.

“Well for one...Jaime has fine taste in women...!”

When I tell her that he has fine taste in women I look at her up and down so she knows I'm talking about her. She knows she is the one I'm referring to since I notice she turns her head to look out the window, purposely trying to ignore me. I know she feels awkward but I just want her to know that I’m okay and open talking about her ex-husband if that’s what makes her comfortable she can share what she’s thinking.

The more we drive in silence the more I notice that she is staring at me. Look over to her and ask her if there was something wrong. At first she tells me no but she smiles and I know she's not telling the truth. I call her on it and she tells me I remind her of Jaime. I ask her how and she starts off by telling me that we’re kind of the same and just to lighten the mood I decide to joke around with her and tell her that I'm the way more handsome and she laughs. Her laugh is contagious and I laugh right along with her. She then tells me that I'm a little bit cocky too and with the most straight face I can come up with I tell her that She hasn't seen anything yet and I would show it to her later. As soon as I finish this statement I can't help it, I burst in a hearty laugh causing her to do the same. From this point on I know that I can joke with her and we’ll be fine around Jaime.

Also blurted out “...So what else? Are we really talking about your ex husband?” just stating the facts but it’s really fine with me, but I felt like she felt awkward after I said that

“Im Sorry”

I noticed that she really look so nervous as we go and I tried to asked her once again if she’s okay, this time I called her out for it and told her probably it’s because Jaime’s going to be there. I mean, who wouldn’t be nervous to meet your ex-husband now with the other woman. It’s totally understandable.

I place my hand on her hand and begin to rub it. I told her that we are going to have a great time together tonight and I want to dance with her and to my relief she agrees.

After that we sit in silence listening to Frank. I keep looking over at her and I most definitely feel her eyes on me as we continue to ride through our way to the party. It's not much longer until we arrive at the hotel and I see up ahead a valet waiting for us and I'm not sure what to do. Im going to park this car myself soI look at Cersei and ask her if she would like me to let her out here so she didn't have to walk far but she wants to stay. I pull into the parking garage

I help her out of the car and we begin to walk into the building. Before we even get out of the garage she intertwines her arm with mine and before we get to the front door we are posing for pictures.

The first person I see when we walk into the ballroom is Jaime. He looks up from a group of people and he looks so unhappy to see us...Or should I say me. I've never seen him before. But I know him from Tyrion. I look down at her even tho Jaime really looks like he’s not pleased on what he’s seeing, Cersei offered him a small smile but I can feel how nervous she is and how she looks at him, it's then I feel like I will never stand a chance with the woman linked in my arm.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys thank you for all the reviews I really appreciate it :) anyway if you guys wanna read another Cersei and Jaime fic please read I Need You by kweencersei :) and leave a review

Jaime's POV

I come out of my office finally ready to get to this party. Well if I must say I don’t know but I’m excited to see Cersei again. I make my way downstairs and I find Brienne sitting on the couch looking at me. I was not about to invite him but she keeps on complaining won’t stop nagging about it. Maybe im kind off regretting my decision right now it’s a family thing anyway.

“Are you ready?” I ask her

“I've been ready...Just waiting for you.”

I open the closet door grabbing my over coat and keys to the Car. Brienne follows me as we walk to the garage. I walk over to the Jag and open my door, not even bothering to open her side. She looks at me a little puzzled.

“you okay ? problem?”

She shakes her head in a pissed off way and climbs into her side. I start the car up and we're off. As I'm driving I can feel Brienne's eyes on me. I try to ignore it cause I know there is just more nagging to made but soon give in.

“Brienne, I can't help but think you want to say something.”

“No...It's just Cersei’s gonna be there?.”

“Of course she’s gonna be there. ”

“You never mentioned.”

“I don’t have to she’s a family. Are you okay with that?” 

“Yes...you’re done with her right?.” She says in a very annoyed tone.

“We’ll be there for Tyrion”  
“You did not answer my Question”  
“Yes , …. there happy?”

I roll my eyes and continue driving hoping we get there soon so I can disappear in the crowd and get away from all the nagging the day has brought me.

Finally silence and I'm enjoying the drive until she starts again. 

“Oh and that your brother Tyrion he’s not talking to me. Maybe he doesn’t care about me?”

“ask him and talk to him later maybe he doesn’t really care about you?” As soon as I say it I regret it because I know there will be a fight about it.

“And what is that supposed to mean?”

“Just as it sounded...Maybe he doesn't care.”

“Has he said anything to you that he doesn't like me?”

“No...I'm just saying....”

“That's just it...he seemed really annoyed when Im with you.”

I sighed  
...Look...I want this to be a nice night so can you please just stop.”

“Fine......”

I don't even hear her anymore...I turn on the radio to drown her out. And it works for the time being. I fill my thoughts with the image of Cersei and how she is going to look in that dress I bought for her. As soon as I walked in that store the first thing that caught my attention was that mannequin and how it resembled Cersei with that hair. I knew she'd look amazing in it. She'd look amazing in anything though but this dress......I can't wait.

All the sudden I don't hear the music anymore and I look over at Brienne who's looking at me annoyed again.

“Now what?”

“You passed the turn...Where are you...Outer space?”

“Oh...I just forgot where I was going...”

I turn around in somebody's driveway and we are on our way again. I go to turn the music back on but is stopped by her hand.

“Did Cersei gonna have a date?”

“Are you still on about that topic?”

“Just curious.”

“I don’t know I just know she’ll be there. And I don’t care if she’ll bring any date” I lied.

“Maybe she’s going to have one”

Brienne’s statement pisses me off.... I suddenly feel sick. I should have thought more into this. We're now pulling into the hotel parking lot and I let the valet park our car. I look around to see if I can find Cersei’s car but no such luck. She must not be here yet. I'm starting to wonder what's taking her so long to get here... I can't help but think the worst...I have these horrible images of her playing in my head. All I can picture is she found a date the same night...Just for spite. We get out and make our way into the party. as we were walking close together I find Ned and Catelyn at the bar.

We are into a conversation and something makes me look up and all I see is the most beautiful woman ever standing at the entrance. She's breathtakingly beautiful and I can't help but feel a pang of jealously and envy towards the Man beside her who the fuck is he?.

Cersei's POV

Another look I spot Jaime from a far he’s looking on us I can feel goosebumps all over my body I feel like he’s burning holes in me his stare is so intense I don’t even know what it means, I don’t want to assume that he’s sad since he doesn’t know that I’m going to show up with a date. I just gave him a little smile. I saw Brienne beside her, as much as I want to drag her and pull her hair out of that party I want to stay calm and classy I keep on repeating into my head “just keep calm, keep it casual even just tonight, Keep Calm, Keep Calm” ,to tell you the truth I’m about to explode right in that moment. I let Oberyn help me with my coat and he checks it for me. I lean up against the wall waiting for him to come back and when he does his shirt collar is messed up. I reach my hands up and fix it for him. It's the first time I'm this close to him and the warmth radiating off of his body only invites me to come closer. As I'm finished I lock eyes with his and for a second and I think we have a moment...But as soon as it came it was gone as I remembered Jaime. I turn to look in the direction of where I first saw Jaime and he's still looking in my general direction but this time with a look of jealousy. I shake it off as just my imagination and tug at Oberyn to follow me over to find Jaime. But he refused he just waved me away and said look for me later

As I approach the group I saw Brienne goes to the group of girls just right timing, I pull Jaime aside, away from everyone and smile up at him. Again repeating the mantra into my head “Keep calm, Keep it casual”

“Thank you for the dress Jaime...”

I hugged him lightly. I don't ever want to let go. But I do. I have to

“Your welcome...” He looks to the ground then back up at me “he seems like a good man...hope he'll take good care of you tonight.”

I'm hoping that he'll tell me that he wished it were him with me instead of Oberyn but he doesn't. The way he said how Oberyn seemed to be a good man. But something in his eyes was fighting with his heart and I salvage some hope that I have left in me..

“I know...”

“Why is that?”

“He’s one of the best guy I’ve ever met in a long while...”

I watch as my words actually hit Jaime hard. Something inside of him goes off, I can tell...I just know it. After those words left my lips his mood towards Oberyn immediately takes a turn for the worse. He looks past me, straight to Oberyn and stares for a few seconds. His fists are clenched into a ball and I can almost see fire in his eyes. He's now looking back to me and I notice how his face softens to mine.

“I swear if he hurts you...I'll kill him.”

And I don't doubt his words from his actions.  
“No one’s going to hurt me as much as you did. no worries”  
I smile trying to lighten the mood a bit.  
I try to read his face after that. But it's cloudy and I can't decide which way to go...So I change what I said

“Well I mean, I don't think you'll have to worry about that...He's been more than wonderful to me tonight... I added 

I can't believe I'm telling him this 

Silence….

I saw Catelyn looking on us maybe she can feel the tension building between Jaime and me.  
“Cersei …. Im having a little dress malfunctioning over here, would you help me in the bathroom?”  
Once in the bathroom I looked at Catelyn’s dress searching for the problem.  
“What’s the problem?”  
“Never mind the dress Cersei….. What’s up with that you and Jaime?”  
“What?”  
“Are you okay with all this ? the set up I mean”  
“I'm good really” I tried to laugh it off  
“Jealous towards each other ?”  
“Oh please we’re done with each other”  
“Then what do you call what just went on back at the table ?..it seemed like you guys having some kind of competition.”  
“Catelyn I wish I knew myself … I don’t know what to think”  
“Wanna know what I think?’  
“Anything might help”  
“I think you guys are both jealous of each other …. I think you both need to dump your… whatever you call them and get back with each other.  
“Easier said than done, and as I said we’re done with each other”  
“Think about it .. Now lets get ready to eat then work it off by dancing”  
“That sounds like a plan, lets go”

Oberyn’s POV

I watch as Cersei walk away to the group of people she’s tugging me to go to Jaime but im not up to a fight right now by the looks that Jaime is giving me I don’t think it will end well. I just watch her walk away God that dress, that body, Those lips...My thought's get interrupted by Tyrion.

“Quite a sight huh?”

“Yes...” I say as I'm probably smiling like a fool.

What did I just say...Did I really admit that to Tyrion?

“...I...a...I mean yeah, she a very beautiful woman.”

“Yeah...I know.”  
“Of course”

Tyrions Pov  
As I watch Oberyn watching Cersei while she’s walking on her way to Jaime I can see desire in his eyes.I called him out for it and he admitted that she’s really a beautiful woman which I don’t really doubt that so I just ignore Oberyn’s comment and move on to see if he's being a gentleman to Cersei or not.

“So...You're treating her well?”

“Like she's actually mine...”

I think to myself more and more that this is all a big mistake. How did I ever think Oberyn would be the perfect guy to do this. I can see that this could easily backfire in my face. Maybe I should have left her stay home...and not force her to go here, dateless, that way I would know for a fact that she would be sleeping in her own bed...Alone, now I have these god awful images of her sharing her bed with...Him...  
But I just can’t let Jaime go on with this bullshit bringing her own girlfriend while Cersei’s dateless that man’s really a fool I have no words.  
But now ...I can see Yes, this was a mistake...If I would have left her stay home, I know she'd be depressed and sad but can avoid to make things even more complicated. Tyrion who are you kidding...Even if you did leave her stay at home , it would have never played out the way it always does in your brain I want them to realise something but this looks like it’s not gonna end the way I wanted it to end

“I'm sorry Oberyn what did you say?”

“I said I'm treating her like she was mine.”

I don't let him see me cringe as he says it.

“So have you offered her a drink?”

“Well I didn't exactly have a chance to...She came straight to Jaime as soon as we got here...Why don't Jaime worry more about Brienne and less about Cersei...She'll be fine...She's in good hands.” 

“That's what he was afraid of.”

There I said it...I can't believe I said it but I did and I don't regret it. Oberyn's looks change now. His eyes are narrowing down on mine. I can tell by the look in his eyes that he's going to challenge me or probably Jaime. He has every right to. Cersei doesn't belong to Jaime anymore...She is a single woman. Entitled to anyone she pleases....

“And what exactly do you mean of that?”

“Nothing...Just forget it.”

“No...I won't...Do you have some problem with me?...Or should I say a problem with me...being here with Cersei?”

I hate what might happen at the end of this night ...but I calm down trying to reason with him.

“No...I'm just looking out for her...She's my SIster.”

“You asked me to date her for other reason I can see.”

“I said she’s my sister I want her to be in good hands and I mean it.”

“Your lying...Your lying to me, your lying to Cersei...Your lying to yourself......She's fair game...I'm the one here with her tonight, not Jaime. I'm the one going home with her tonight, not him.”

I walk closer to Oberyn He's so right...Every word coming out of his mouth is true, but I can't find it in me to tell him so..

“I'm not lying to anyone...And if you're just in this to shag her then you can forget it...I'll blow the whistle on your little plan Oberyn.”

“I'm not here to shag her...You're just jealous for your brother...Right now you want him to be me...You want to him be me in the worst way, Tyrion you asked me to do this im doing you a favor.” He smiles at me to ease the tension

I don't say another word because out of the corner of my eye I see Neds approaching fast.

“Tyrion... and you must be ??”  
“Oberyn”

“Hello... ” We both greet him at the same time. ”Tyrion told me about you”

“So Oberyn...How are you and Cersei getting on?”

“We're getting on very well. She's just so easy to talk to, so much fun to be around.”

“That's great Oberyn...She looks beautiful tonight too.”

“She absolutely does.”

“Any chance for a romance?”

I look directly at Oberyn waiting for a response... 

“Uh...” He smirks and shrugs his shoulder's. “I don't know...Maybe...It would definitely be something to think about.”

He smiles right at me as he says it I smile back at him secretly thinking this really not gonna end very well  
“...And there's the beauty now...Excuse me.” He says.

I watch as he walks towards her, stopping at the walk-around waiter to grab drinks then handing her a glass of wine. She takes it from him with a smile and links her hand through his and they walk away out of sight.


	22. Chapter 22

Tyrion's POV

All through dinner our table, who consists of Jaime, Brienne, Ned, Catelyn, Shae, Oberyn, Cersei and myself all engage in meaningless conversations. I half dragged Cersei to be in the same table she agreed although she sits so far away from Jaime .Half of the time I have no idea what anyone is talking about. I'm sure Jaime is the same way...His mind looks to be off someplace else. I think about what I said to Oberyn earlier by this time I know Oberyn’s know what im doing and I should feel sorry or guilty about Jaime but I don't...If he's too stupid to not see that he still in love with the woman sitting to the right of Oberyn, then I don't feel sorry for him at all. 

I'm wondering if anyone else can see right through him, Is he as transparent to everyone else as he is to me?...I feel like Brienne’s can feel it too, How does Brienne put up with it? How does she go on everyday knowing that her boyfriend's heart doesn't belong fully to her and when they make love his thoughts are someplace else? I know he's Jaime Lannister but come on...  
I see Cersei shift her glance over to Jaime who is staring at them. I come to this conclusion that maybe...just maybe we're all playing the same game. I have no doubt that Cersei is trying to get a rise out of Jaime and I'm loving every minute of it. The funny thing is she doesn't think that I have any idea.  
As I was watching Cersei and Oberyn they both stand up when the fast paced music stops and started with a new slow music if im not mistaken they’re about to dance, this is going so well, Oberyn and Cersei are swaying and as Cersei’s lay her head against Oberyn I look across the room to where Jaime was but he's no longer there. I scan the room only to find that he has joined them on the dance floor just a few meters away from them. Its odd to say the least because I’ve never seen Jaime dance I mean, Never.  
He bends down and kisses her on her neck. I know what he's doing...He's trying to make Cersei jealous and he's trying to convince everyone that Brienne is the one for him and not Cersei. But you have to be a complete fool to believe that. Brienne laughs and for the first time all night. I see her smile a true smile. Maybe she is that complete fool that I was just talking about.  
If only she really knew what was going on. Who know maybe she does.  
Oberyn’s POV

I'm knocked out of my thoughts about the awkwardness of the situation by a light rub on my arm. I look down to see Cersei smiling brightly up at me.

“Are you having a god time love?”

“Better than I thought I ever could.”

I can see she’s always glancing at Jaime’s direction who is also staring at us. I feel like Cersei’s doing something in here but I play along with her and just for a second I flirt with the idea that maybe she really isn’t doing it to gain Jaime’s attention but doing it to gain mine. Doubtful but just a though

After we eat I hear the dinner music being switched to regular dancing music. The party goers seem to be getting lost in the booze and everyone seems to be relaxing...including Cersei who now has her hand spread out and resting on my thigh. I think I can read her mind so I ask...

“Do you remember what I told you in the car?”

She looks like she's trying to remember and starts to giggle, Jaime once again looking over in our direction.

“What?...That you were going to show me something?” She says it in a naughty tone and continues her fit of giggles.

I laugh too as I recall my humors comment about my...“Cock”...“My my Cersei...You're moving way to fast.” She laughs some more, almost to the point of tears. “I was referring to the dance...Would you care to join me on the dance floor?”

“Yes,...I would love to.”

The fast paced music stops just in time for a new song to be played and this time it's slow. She grabs a hold of my hand and places hers through mine. With the other hand I feel it skim up my other arm and with the tips of her fingers she plays around with my collar. I fit perfectly against her warm body placing my hands just a little above her waist inching down further as we go... I'm a Martell...We're not scared to touch our women. 

We sway back and forth to the slow paced music, She feels so tiny in my arms, so delicate. And as her body presses harder and closer to mine I start to feel a familiar hardening of my own. I try to think of something else...anything to stop myself from hardening the whole way. I catch a look from Jaime again.... I twirl Cersei around so I'm not facing him anymore and I'm wondering what is going on in her mind.

As the song plays on she gets bolder and looks up at me. “I just love this song.” She then lays her head against my chest and I hope she doesn't hear the loud thumping of my heart as it beats.

I saw Jaime just a few meters away with Brienne draped all over him.   
Brienne looks up and catches my stare and flashes a big smile my way along with a wink. Her eyes shift between Cersei and myself and I know exactly what she is trying to say. 

I let Brienne’s constant ohh's and aww's, and Jaime's Constant annoyed glares wipe from my mind and soon there is nobody left in the room beside her and I.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys how are you all ? If you all noticed i'm not updating that much sorry i'm honestly demotivated right now plus i don’t know if this story is still interesting for all of you since i only got fewer and fewer reviews every chapter. please let me know how many are you all still reading this story . anyway here’s the new chapter :)

Cersei's POV

The alcohol must be taking effect since I look down and I notice that my hand is resting on Oberyn's lap. I have no idea how it got there. Maybe that's how natural it is to be around him. I don't think it bothers him so I let it there, testing how far I can go.

After he notices my hand he asks me if I remember that talk we had in the car. The first thing that comes to mind is The “Cocky” joke and I burst into laughter. When I look up I notice that Jaime is staring at us...well pretty much the whole table is.I don't let anyone in on our private joke and I can only imagine what everyone thought when I answered his question with...

“What?...That you were going to show me something?”

I look at Jaime and he looks furious but I'm not sure at who. Me for flirting with Oberyn or for Oberyn’s flirting.He laughs with me and then asks me to dance and of course I say yes. He puts his napkin on the table and reaches out for my hand and I follow him to the dance floor not even looking back at Jaime as I do so.

I take the lead and wrap myself into his embrace and I feel his hands shimmy down to my waist. I inhale a deep breath from him and close my eyes. He feels so strong so muscular in my tiny hands. I feel so at home with him and we seem to fit perfectly into one another.

I'm pretty much wrapped up into our dance when he twirls me around and the first person I see is Jaime. He's on the dance floor with Brienne in his arms. I find myself getting a little jealous wishing that I was her in his arms. To tell you the truth this may possibly be the first time I ever saw him dance.

I have this idea in my head that maybe I can turn him just as jealous as I am at this very moment by getting closer to Oberyn. I look up to Oberyn and smile.

“I just love this song.” 

I say as I rest my head against his chest. I'm secretly hoping that Oberyn doesn't take note on the fact that I'm shaking like a leaf as I do this. I can feel him pulling me closer and something inside of me is getting hotter by the second almost to the point where I just want to take him aside and kiss him but I know that can't happen...ever. 

Once again Oberyn twirls me to face Jaime again and I can't help but notice the look on Jaime's face. It doesn't seem like he's looking at anything in particular...Just into space with a sad look displayed across his face. 

He doesn't seem to enjoy being on the dance floor at all. I know if I was the one in his arms he's have an enormous mood change. For some reason or another I can always get him to smile.

All too soon the slow song is over and is replaced with a fast one. I watch as Jaime leaves the floor...I know this is the one kind of music I'll never see him dance to and if I do the world is probably about to end.I look up at Oberyn begging him with my eyes to stay.

“Do you dance to this stuff too?”“

I told you...I love to dance...I'm not like any Kill joy guy in this department.”

“Good.”

Pretty soon were moving to the beat and I feel him turn me around and we're grinding, his front up against my back...really close. His hands placed firmly on my hips. I'm loving every second of this...Every second of Jaime's expression. He's trying to hide it but I know it's hard. I look back to Oberyn and give him a wink. 

“You're a pretty good dancer.”

“I take that as a major compliment coming from you.”“

And a sexy one I might add.”

“Ahh...I think you're the sexy one out here...All eyes are on you.”

“Yes...but there are a lot of female eyes staring at you as well.”

After the song is over we both make our way to the open bar with Tyrion and order a few drinks. I notice that Oberyn is still on his first on as I'm finishing off number three.

"You trying to stay sober and take advantage of me while I drink myself silly?”

“No...why do you say that?”

“Cause you're still on your first and I'm about to order my fourth.”

“Well someone has to drive at the end of the night...That being me...I guess I'll just have to wait until I land someplace for the night before I start that.”

Just then Jaime comes in and throws his arms around Tyrion’s shoulder's beside us.he’s looking at us too

“So...I was thinking we get out of here.”

I turn my attention to Jaime and decided to say something smart.

“What makes you think that we... “ and I stress the we as in me and Oberyn.

“...Want to leave?”

“Because I know you'll have a better time at my house.”

“You're having an after party?” Tyrion butt in

“If everyone will come. Cersei?”I look at Oberyn and he lets it up to me.

I really feel like im really drunk right now to take this all in the awkwardness, Jaime and Oberyn looking at each other, Tyrion looking at them and me just looking at Jaime in complete silence for a few seconds

“Sure...I'm sure it will be much better than this...” I look back at Oberyn and direct my comment to him and him only.

“That way we can get you drunk...And get you more relaxed.”


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all those still reading this I hope you guys also leave a review thanks! here’s another chapter let me know what you think

As the party comes close to an end, I begin to realize that I haven't spent any time with Cersei. My brother seems to be taking up most of her time and this guy Oberyn. It seems like every time I turn around they are some how touching each other. It's either her hand somewhere on his arm or leg or him caressing her bare shoulder's or stealing my move by playing with her hair.

I have finally had my limit of their playfulness and decide to have an after party to stop them from going back to her place where I can't observe them from a corner. If it were any other woman I wouldn't be cock-blocking like this..But we're talking about Cersei here and I'm not about to let someone take my place...Not that I still had a place to begin with but still...I can’t stand anyone who can make her happy other than me, if there’s anyone going to pleasure that woman it's very well going to be me.

I make my way back over to our table where the rest of the gang sits and talks.

“Well how does taking this party back to my house sound?”

Ned's the first to respond in a yes and soon the rest of them follow. Brienne gives me a confusing look and I go to sit by her to see what the problem is now.

“What's wrong?”

“Nothing...I was just under the impression that you didn't want anyone over tonight but if you do...Fine by me.”

“No...I do now...I just had a terrible headache before we left and took it out on anyone who was in sight...I'm sorry.”

“It's OK...Mind if I invite a few of the girls over?”

“Fine by me...I'm going to go tell Cersei and Tyrion.”

I get up to find them and they're still perched on the same bar stools as they were about an hour ago. I walk up behind them unnoticed and place my arms around Tyrion.  
“So I was thinking we get out of here.”

Cersei looks at me and I can see it in her actions that she's gonna bring on the diva-like attitude. And she does...Quite well.

“What makes you think that we want to leave?”

I come back with a remark just as quick.

“Because I know you'll have a better time at my house...You always do.”  
I’m really not up to inviting Oberyn but I know Cersei won’t go without him

I see her look over at Oberyn’s to see if he's into the idea and he must be since she accepts but what she say to him after irritates the hell out of me.  
“That way we can get you drunk...And get you more relaxed.”

Ahh...relaxed for what? My blood begins to boil and I can't take another minute of it.

“I'll see you there then.”

And I walk away...To Brienne, the woman I should be happy with.

We leave almost immediately after and soon Brienne and I are back in the car, silence surrounding us.

“So How cute is Cersei and Oberyn?...Did you see then dancing?..They looked so hot together.”

I didn’t said a word and I continue to drive down the streets.For being the beginning of January the weather outside is very warm. It almost hit 75 degrees today and tonight a light warm breeze fills the air. I rolled down the window and let the breeze fly through my hair.

“Jaime...Did you hear me?”

“Yes...”

“Then why aren't you say anything?”

“Cause I don't want to get in the middle of their business...And you shouldn't either.”

“Why not?...Don't you think it's about time that Cersei deserves a little happiness?”

“Sure but maybe he isn't the right person for her.”

“Why?”

“I don't know Brienne...”

“You know Jaime ever since they showed up at dinner and all through the party I noticed that you haven't been yourself. Thought you’re done with her. Are you hiding something from me?”

“Don't be ridiculous. I'm just kind of looking out for my sister’s wellbeing.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well,...we just got out of a marriage 3 months ago and she's been through a lot.”

“I guess you’re right but you and her both through that and here I am, we are in a relationship. what am I to you? It's like nobody will ever be good enough for her...

“Well maybe nobody is.” Did I just say that out loud?

“Nobody except you right?”

Yes, to answer my own question...I said it out loud.

“Brienne..Don't start...I'm not in the mood to argue.”

The rest of the car ride is spent in silence. Not one of us dares to speak to the other. Every time we have a discussion about Cersei we end up in the same fight. A fight that I don't care to get into much at the moment.

Cersei’s POV

Oberyn and I stayed for another half hour, giving Jaime and Brienne enough time to get home and get settled. Oberyn had asked me if I was ready shortly after Jaime told us about the party but knowing that showing up late would drive Jaime absolutely mad with jealously, I opted to make him wait.

Oberyn’s pulled up Jaime's driveway and straight into the garage And we both get out of the car and start to walk up the walkway. Oberyn stops and crinkles his forehead, looking at me with a worried look on his face.

he asked me “Is there something wrong?”

“Well...Not really...I uh...Well ever since the stress of the separation I picked up the nasty habit of smoking...I know I know...I shouldn't but I don't do it that often...Stress ya know.”

“That's perfectly fine...I understand...The stress can kill you.”

“Im just gonna stay here for a while .”

“OK I'll stay with you...It's actually a nice night.”

We stand along the side of the garage as I takes a drag off of my cigarette. He also takes his and we’re both smoking now I watch him as the smoke exhales from his mouth slowly. It's such a sexy sight watching him, reminds me once again of Jaime. 

Suddenly he decides to ask something I never thought he will asked that night  
“So...Just tell me to shut up if you think this is none of my business but may I ask about your ex husband?”

I looked at him for a second a little stunned that he asked.

“Okay.”

“Well what happened?”

“Ah...well he admitted that he’s in love with another woman and as you can see that is Brienne and he has no problem of bringing her there as if nothing happened so I have to act the same sometimes I guess? Uhhh it’s fuck up really, shaking my head as I exhale the smoke from my mouth, I don’t really know what’s going on in his mind lately we never really talked about it that much, maybe soon... maybe never...Im sorry honestly I don’t want to deep dive into specific on what happened in our relationship because im really trying may hardest to move on

“Well that’s okay....” his smiles after saying that’s really charming

“Thank you”

“...You couldn't work things out?”

“We’re not trying maybe that was the right thing to do.”

“ it's so...sad.”

“Yeah maybe a little...But...It's for the best, i suppose.”

“Well on a lighter note...If it makes you feel better I can't believe he would turn you down.”

“And I can’t believe your ex-wife turned you down aswell

“Would you ever turn me down Miss Cersei Lannister?”

As soon as he finishes his last word we hear a door being open and in the doorway stands Jaime. I'm half relived that he saved me from answering that question and half upset for him interrupting since I now wonder where that question would have lead me...lead us if I would have answered it honestly.

Shaking, hoping that he didn't hear what we were talking about. I don't think he does since he have a little smile

“I didn't think you were going to show up.”

“We've been out here for a little...with my newfound smoking habit and all.” I added

“You know you can smoke in the house...

“Yeah but it's such a nice night...” 

“Hey Cersei I might just have one more Cigarette.” Oberyn turns to me and tells me to go a head in with Jaime so I do.

I walk in the door with Jaime and he takes my coat for me, I can smell his cologne and I'm glad I followed him in, but Oberyn is my date and I felt bad leaving him outside by himself.

“You know Jaime, Maybe I should go back out there and wait for Oberyn.”

“He's a big boy Cersei...I need to talk to you.I quickly change the subject to Brienne.

“where is she?”

“I don’t know I'm so tired of listening to her it been a little bit too much earlier.”

“But you want to listen to me instead?”

“Your voice calms me.”

“Who are you?”

“What do you mean?”

“You're being way too nice, all these compliments...This dress...and you’re just… I don’t know?”

“I've missed you...

We share a long silence and I know I can only speak for myself but in that brief moment I wonder what he’s really thinking or is he still thinking about me ?

Just In time comes Oberyn from outside and it looks like his face falls at the scene that was being displayed before him.


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year Guys !!!

Oberyn’s POV

As I sit on a little bench outside of the garage smoking my well needed cigarette and listening to Cersei about her relationship with Jaime , I can't help but think about my ex wife. About the happy times we had together. I miss her but I know she has moved on. The papers that I received last month proved that.

I think about Brienne’s and Jaime's relationship and I don't understand how they got together. Yes Brienne is a beauty herself but something just doesn't fit with them. He doesn't look at her the way he should...or atleast the way he’s looking at Cersei I noticed. 

If you threw Jaime, Brienne and Cersei in a room together and let some random stranger who didn't know them from Adam or Eve pick out the couple, I'm sure that they would pick Cersei and Jaime.still

After she shared to me a little about their separation she tells me on a lighter note that she can't believe my exwife turns me down as well and I take that opportunity to play devils advocate and I ask if she would.

“Would you turn me down...Miss Cersei Lannister?”

I'm waiting for her response but I hear a door open and out pops Jaime's head asking where we have been. I'm somewhat disappointed that I don't know her answer. 

I'll probably never know either.  
I tell her to go in a head of me and I would be in soon after I have yet another one. My nerves around her does something to me. She goes with him and I feel a little pang of jealousy hit me that she still chose him over me.

I didn't notice but soon after they go inside I hear some movement coming from the Jag that's parked in the driveway a few meters away. I look over and see Brienne closing the door.

“Hey Oberyn right?...”

“Oh hey Brienne...I didn't see you come out.”

Honestly this is the most awkward situation for me and probably for her too, Jaime and Cersei inside the house and me and Brienne outside.

“That's because I was already out when you two pulled up but I didn't want to interrupt anything.”

“Oh I see...Well you didn't.”

“Disappointed?”

“Ahh...”

I look down at my shoes and she sits down next to me.”

“I take that as a yes. By the way I don’t think I introduce myself properly but yeah. Im Brienne Jaime’s girlfriend”

“Yeah I know you of course, I can see that. Im Oberyn Martell”

“I hope you don’t mind me asking, How long have you known Cersei?”

“Not that long”

“Long enough to date her?”

“You know Brienne...She's..Beautiful...There's just something about her.”

“I know...I know all about it.”

“You do?”

“Yes...I've known that there was something about her from the first day I met her.I’ve met her at the party she was with Jaime”

Silence...I'm really not sure what to say to that. I don’t want to say yeah that time that you’re cheating on her.. also I'm not sure what shemeans.

“Anyway...Oberyn Let's talk about you and Cersei.”

“What about us?”

“Well...I know I should have let you two know that I was there by the car a few minutes ago but like I said I didn't want to interrupt...I kind of heard you ask that question...”

“Oh that...Yes...Well I'll never know the answer to that now will I?”

“Maybe...Maybe not...But I see her look at you differently than she does with other men. There's something there.”

“Brienne I don't want to sound like an ass but I think maybe there is a reason for that.”

“What?...That you remind her of Jaime?”

“Yes...But Brienne I...”

“No...I think that too...I think she still feels something for Jaime but she doesn't want to act on it.”

I look away as I think I understand what Brienne is saying. This is getting awkward so I just put out my cigarette and offer an invitation to brienne to follow me inside. We walk through the front door and both watch as Cersei and Jaime looking at each other in silence.


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys its been a while i hope some people are still reading this :) heres the new chapter let me know what you think

Cersei's POV

We all continue right where we left off at the dinner party, drinking ourselves silly. We make our way to the lower level of Jaime's house where he has a room off to the side that holds a very inviting hot tub. This room is amazing...Just the perfect get away in your own home. It has everything you would ever want in a entertainment room. I gaze at the hot tub just wanting to submerge my tired little body into it and it looks like Jaime must have been reading my mind.

“Go ahead get in...Relax.” I heard Jaime’s voice at the back

“I didn't bring a swimsuit...I don't think anyone did?”

“It's OK...Go in with your bra and panties...You can get away with that...Oh that's right I almost forgot...” as if I haven’t seen any of that

I can just feel myself blushing...My face is becoming really hot.  
My jaw drops...Probably to the floor. I can't believe he has enough balls to say that to me. But...As each word that falls from his lips, I can feel the hot rush between my legs growing hotter by the second.

I look at him with a naughty looking face. “Seriously Jaime...I can't go in.”

“Sure you can.. just strip your dress off I'll cover ya until you get in...I promise I won't even look.”

“Sure Jaime...”

“I won't look I swear.”

I can't believe it when I hear Brienne’s voice coming from behind us. I'm hoping she didn't hear much of our conversation.

“Jaime what are you doing?”

“Excuse me im gonna go to the bathroom im not going to strip here.”  
I walk past Jaime and straight towards Oberyn who's leaning against the wall. I lean into him pressing my body to his. My right hand grabbing his chin. “I'll be back...Grab me a beer will ya?” I didn't mean for it to come out as sexy as it actually did...but it did and by the way he looked back at me and placed his free hand around my waist to keep me pressed to him longer, made me melt. I stayed right where I was for a brief second before I wiggled out of his grasp. As I turned to walk away I gave him a wink. That time it was on purpose.

God what am I doing?...I'm bouncing back and forth between Jaime and Oberyn but each time I'm with the other I feel comfortable...Like they are one.

When Shae and I returned in our swimsuits The boys were already in. Shae climbed in first and took a seat next to Tyrion. Then it was my turn. I look at both Jaime and Oberyn who are sitting close to each other staring at me. I can’t believe what im seeing honestly this night is just so wild and twisted. I playfully push them apart and snuggle in right next to Oberyn. Oberyn hands me my beer and each one of my legs we're touching each one of theirs. To break the tension I looked over at Ned, Catelyn and Shae and motioned for them to come in.

“C'mon...Join us.”

Ned and Catelyn both tell me that they would be in later and Brienne says she doesn't care much for hot tubs. Just then Tyrion comes up with an idea.

“I got it...Since I really don't know everyone that well yet and Brienne and Oberyn I hear is pretty new here...Why don't we play a little get to know you game.”

I speak up first. “Oh...Yeah I like that...Lets Play.” I look at Jaime who has a mischievous grin and I know I'm in for it. And wow I think im drunk to play this dangerous game.

Jaime calls Ned and Catelyn over and they join us pulling chairs up around the hot tub.

“OK...Lets see what dirty little secrets everyone has hiding.” I hear Tyrion say.

And with that Tyrion goes first... He scans the room and his eyes land on Catelyn. “Have you ever gone skinny dipping before?”

Catelyn face reddens but quickly answers. “Yes...I have once or twice.” And Ned quickly adds “yes I remember that.” 

Jaime laughs. “Please Ned, Spare us the details if you went with her.”

“Awww...Where's the love.”

“OK next question...” I say, saving Ned.

“Alright...” Catelyn starts again... “Who here has slept with someone that they didn't know the other's name the next morning?” 

We all look at Jaime at the same time and he responds with a surprised look on his face.

“Why is everyone looking at me?”

everyone’s laugh but I did for some reason he was a playboy when we were young, he puts his hands up surrendering to the question. “OK OK...Yes I have...Happy everyone?”

I shake my head along with Catelyn and Shae.

It's Jaime's turn and I'm nervous but he doesn't direct his attention to me so a part of me can breath again.

“Ladies...Who here is guilty of giving road head?”

Somehow I knew something dirty was coming and I was right. All of us are pretty much guilty but Shae in particular puts her face in her hands. 

“Shae?...” Jaime says in a teasing way. “Do you have something to share with us?” 

I see Tyrion start to laugh and Shae looks at him. “Tyrion!...Did you say something?”

Jaime chuckles. “No...He didn't...but you just did.”

“Oh my god...” She says, turning red. And I hear all the guys congratulating Tyrion. 

It's Oberyn's turn. He looks right at me but makes the question out to everyone. “Has anyone here ever had sex in a hot tub?”

I can feel his hand resting on my thigh and my heart starts to beat rather fast. I'm not even sure what made me say this out loud but I did.

I look straight at Oberyn. “I haven't...But I'd like to try it sometime.” I see his eyes move from my eyes to my lips. The corner of his mouth curves up to a half smile and he says...

“I'll have to keep that in mind.”

I notice his eyes quickly leave mine and rise up, looking past me...Straight to Jaime's. I can't help but follow his stare and see that Jaime's happy mood was disturbed. Jaime slowly recovers and for a second my heart hurts...There was something in his eyes just then...I'm not sure what but something.

It’s becoming more awkward than it already is, I really want to get out of this right now so I do the next best thing and grab a towel and excuse myself telling everyone that I need another drink...And fast!


	27. Chapter 27

Cersei's POV

As flustered as I am, I get out of the hot tub and make my way to the kitchen, A beer won't do and I rummage through Jaime's liquor that is set out on the counter, searching for something strong. I spot a bottle of Jack hiding behind some scotch. I stare at the bottle and pick it up and my hands begin to shake.

“What am I doing?...Why are they getting to me like this?...Why do I feel this way?”

I grab a whiskey glass and throw some ice in it and pour a generous amount of the liquid into it. The ice cubes melting as I pour.

Its strong alcohol but I need this. I swirl the glass in a circle. Then as I'm about to put it up to my lips and take a well needed swig I hear somebody step into the kitchen by the creek of the floor. I pray that it's not one of them and by them I'm talking about Jaime or Oberyn.

I'm not sure they know what exactly what they did to me. How much want they bring out of me. I didn't think that it was possible to want another human being as much as I want Jaime, but now that Oberyn has walked into my life for this one night and charmed me the way Jaime does everyday I think differently. Not as strong but still the desire is there. I know it's because im lonely and depressed about everything that’s going on with my life and probably alcohol.

I look up from my glass to see that my fears are confirmed...It's Oberyn...And he looks so...so...desirable standing there watching me. He's only wrapped in a towel, hanging low on his waist. The muscles that rippled down his arms, his flat stomach and strong legs made me want to down the drink in one sip but I don't. I quickly look back into my glass as I slowly gulp the liquid. I wince as it burns my throat.

“I thought you might need some help.”

Help...Yes I need help...I need help out of this mess that I so often find myself in. A mess so dirty that I don't think will ever be cleaned up. This messy feeling will never go away. And I'm not sure I ever want it to.

“Help?”

He's walking towards me and I down the rest of the glass in one last gulp. I grab the bottle of Jack again and continue to pour myself another one.

“Easy there...You'll be drunk in no time.”

“Isn't that the point.”

“Depends on what you're planning...”

He places his hand over mine and grabs the bottle from me.

“Here...Allow me...If you want to do it right...You gotta try something in here.”

He searches the counter for something and when he doesn't find it he looks in another place.

“Ahh... here it is.”

“what's that?”

“It's called Absinthe. I have it at my bar too.”

“Isn't that stuff illegal or something?”

“Not really...Well sort of, kind of.”

“How can it be not really?...It either is or isn't.”

“Well in the States it's illegal to sell it in pubs but you can buy it.”

“I heard such crazy things about that stuff.”

“It's probably all true.”

He sets the bottle down and opens the fridge and pulls out some lemon juice and then heads over to the sugar bowl. I watch as he throws more ice into my glass and pours the Absinthe into the glass then proceeds with adding some sugar and lemon. He stirs it and hands me the cocktail. 

“Here ya go ...Try this.”

“What's this called?”

He looks straight into my eyes as he names the drink. “Desire.”

How appropriate...Desire...The same feeling I have towards him...And mostly Jaime. I look into the glass and back up at him giving him a worried look.

“Go a head...”

I take a sip and to my surprise it goes down better than I expected. A little sour...A little sweet but the strong taste of licorice is evident. 

“Mmm...Tastes...sour...sweet.” I trail off as Oberyn gets closer eying my lips. Oh my god is he going to kiss me?...What do I do?...Do I kiss him back...No I can't that would leading him on...Do I tell him about I still feel something for Jaime?...No, I don't want to hurt his feelings. I want to kiss him...I do...I want to find out what he tastes like.... He's coming closer...He's leaning in still eying my lips and just as I think he's moving in to kiss me he reaches for a towel that was hanging on the wall behind me. Finally I can breath again. He pulls back to where he stood a few seconds ago, cleaning off his hands.

“My hands where sticky.”

“Oh.” Is the only thing I can say and I smile up at him, maybe just a little disappointed? I turn to walk away, maybe over by the breakfast nook but he grabs my wrist to stop me. I turn back around this time were real close again...I think almost closer than before.

“Cersei...When I said that thing in the hot tub...About having sex in it...”

“Yes.”

“I was looking at you when I said it...but I don't want you to think that it was my way of asking you or anything.”

“I know...When I said I wanted to try it sometime I didn't mean anything by that either...Just playing around.”

“OK good...I'm glad we got that cleared up.”

“Me too.”

I'm still dangerously close to him, he's still holding on to my wrist, staring at my lips as he tells me this. I think this time he's going to kiss me...I can just feel it. I tell myself to just let it happen and think about it later. I move in closer and closer ready to taste him and just when I don't think I can get myself any deeper in trouble, the kitchen door flies open, startling both of us and making us jump and quickly move apart. Jaime stood in the door way looking at both of us. He had seen us move away so quickly from each other, I can only imagine what he thought we were doing.


	28. Chapter 28

Oberyn’s POV

I notice that things were getting pretty intense in the hot tub between Jaime and my date. It was almost as if everyone in the room disappeared besides the two of them the looks that they’re giving to each other. It was probably a good thing that Brienne was over on the couch entertaining a few of her girlfriends. I wonder what's going on in Cersei's head right now. She's sitting in between Jaime and I, was flirting dangerously with her. I know she must be getting flustered her face is becoming flushed. It can't be the heat of the tub everyone else looks fine and besides we weren't even in that long. I watch her stand up and grab a towel, excusing herself. I sit still for a few moments before looking at Jaime.

I give Cersei a few minutes head start and just as she did, I excuse myself telling everyone that I too need another drink. I get looks from Jaime and Tyrion looking intensely but I don't care. I get out anyway and head towards the kitchen where I know Cersei was going.

I make it to the door and she doesn't notice me yet. She's looking for something to drink. I finally have a chance to get a good look at her. Her towel she was wrapped up in is draped on the back of one of the bar stools. She stands bent over in only that small piece of cloth that she calls a bikini. Her perfectly round breasts are displayed quite nicely. Suddenly the floor creeks and I know she's aware that someone is watching her. She can't see me so I know she doesn't know it's me yet. 

I begin to walk over to her. She looks up from her glass and her eyes roam my body. She turns back to her drink and sips it. I can tell this is not something she's use to since I see her make a face as the Jack rolls down her throat. 

“I thought you might need some help” I say to her to break the silence. And she questions me.

She finishes her drink and goes to pour another one and I tell her to take it easy that she'll be drunk in no time.

“Well isn't that the point?”

I place my hand over hers and grab the bottle from her.

“Here...Allow me...If you want to do it right...You gotta try this.”

I search for what I need to make her the perfect drink. I keep catching her looking at me. I know she had a few more drinks than I had and probably by now I'm sure she's got a really decent buzz going on. These looks may just be “I want it and I want it now...and I don't care who you are looks” Whatever they are it's getting me stirred up. I'm craving her...I want her...I want her right now...right on top of this counter...But I calm myself a little and make her a drink that will make her forget all about this invisible, nonexistent love triangle we have going on. 

I finish making her drink and pass it to her.

“Here ya go sweetheart...Try this.”

“What's this called?”

I look straight into her eyes as I tell her. “Desire.”

I can tell she's thinking something...I just wish I knew what. I go to put the alcohol back and find that I'm all sticky. I look for a towel and ironically the only one I spot is right behind her. I move closer to her. I'm watching her lips as I get closer and closer. I want to kiss her...Feel her...make her melt in my arms. I have this chance...She's mere inches away...'Come on Oberyn all you have to do is meet her lips' I think to myself. As I get closer I feel like this is wrong im taking advantage of the situation it breaks my thought...I can't...Not now...Not like this. I go to reach for what I actually had set out to reach...a towel. I can hear her let out a rather huge breath. I'm not sure if she's relieved or disappointed.

“My hands were sticky.”

“Oh.” Is the only thing she says.

I feel that I need to address the hot tub issue so as she starts to walk off to another part of the kitchen I grab her wrist and I tell her I didn't mean anything by it...But I can't say that it didn't cross my mind a few times. She tells me that her comment was pretty much a joke as well. Then I realize that we're really close again maybe even closer than before. I tell myself that if fate didn't want you to be this close you wouldn't be and to hell with everything......It's my turn. This time I'm going to kiss her...I need her. I go to grab her waist to pull her to me Her eyes close and I know she wants me to kiss her but just as I do so, fate bursts through the door and Cersei and I jump back. It probably doesn't look good but...any later and he would have witnessed something that I know he probably doesn't want to ever see.

Fate is definitely a bitch!


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys ! I hear you i know its becoming boring and too slow now, Im trying my best to update more often. Im sorry about the very slow update I had a lot of things going on right now and kind of hard to find time to continue this but I promise Im trying I want this to have an ending. Anyway I hope you all still reading lol

As soon as Cersei got out of the hot tub to grab another drink I knew Oberyn wouldn't be far behind. The moment I saw her turn the corner was when I should have taken action, instead I let him go after her. Actually I should have fished him out of the tub and took him in a corner someplace and had a talk with him...No stupid me lets him walk out right after her.

I know I shouldn't be spying...But it's Cersei and right now something is going on inside of me...Feelings that I have never felt before is wrapping around my gut and squeezing it. I've tried to get her out of my head so many times but it never works. It seems like the harder I try the more fate fucks with me.

I go over to Brienne and ask if she needs another drink and she asks me to surprise her by bringing her back a cocktail of my choice. There...I have an excuse. When I reach the top of the stairs I see Oberyn walking into the kitchen. I walk over to the swinging door. I can see them, I just can't hear them well.

I see her turn his way looking at him up and down...Studying every feature on his body before she sips her drink. It looks like he's saying something to her and she downs the rest of the drink in one shot. I see her reaching to pour herself some more. 

“Jack?...She's drinking Jack?...She never does that unless...” I gasp. “...Unless she feels out of control, confused, scared. Something is wrong.”

I try to think back to see if I had anything to do with upsetting her in the hot tub. I don't think I do. God the last time she got wasted on Jack was the night her and Robert split. I received a phone call at 2:30 in the morning...It was a Thursday night...Well early Friday morning. I was sleeping and was woken up by the phone. I answered the phone and was met by sobs that belonged to Cersei. The words that came from her mouth that night, I'll never forget. “Jaime...I need you.” I still hear those words in my dreams lately but usually she's on top of me and I'm giving her the ride of her life, shagging her senseless...Like I said it's just a dream now.

When I got to her house I found her curled up in a ball on her couch, a bottle of Jack still clutched in her hand. She was so far gone she had to be carried to bed. Once I got her settled I kissed her forehead and asked if she needed anything else. Once again those words were spoken. “Jaime...I need you.” I walk back over to her, asking her what she needed. She closes her eyes, tears spilling out of the corners. “Just fuck me Jaime...Take it all away...Make me feel wanted.” she didn't want me to just fuck her, she wanted me to make love to her.

I look back into the kitchen and see Oberyn stopping her. “Good.”

I see him searching for something...He looks in just about every storage space until he pulls out what I was afraid he was going to pull out.

Absinthe.

Dear god...It's going to be a wild night. 

He mixes her up a drink and from the ingredients, I'd say he's about to hand her desire. She takes it and sips it. She's looking at him intently. I can't see his face just hers. I see Oberyn’s getting closer...Closer. He looks like he's going to kiss her. She looks downright terrified. I want to go in...Stop them but then I see him moving past her and I stay right where I'm at. He grabs a towel to wipe his hands. I laugh to myself...I can't believe I thought they were going to...Oh...What is this?...

He grabs her by the wrist. He says something to her...She says something back. She's biting her bottom lip. There close again...Too close. I see him reach up to put his hand on her waist...Then she closes her eyes, she leaning into him...I have to stop this. I push open the door, hoping that they stop. The door crashes against the wall scaring the hell out of both of them. They jump so far apart and I'm so relieved that I stepped in when I did. 

“I didn't interrupt anything did I?”

Cersei speaks first...Shaky...But she quickly has something to say.

“No...No...Nothing...We we're just testing this Absinthe stuff out.”

I see Oberyn turn around and give me death glare.

“Be careful ...That stuff will make you do thing that you normally won't.”

“Is that so...Maybe I should drink some more.” She gives me a wink and heads towards the door. “I'll see you downstairs.” She stumbles a bit...The alcohol is definitely working on her...I'll give her a half hour before she can't hold herself up.

I look at Oberyn dead in the eyes.

Cersei's POV

I walk back out of the kitchen in a daze...I'm not really sure what just happened. “Was he going to kiss me or wasn't he. Was it just my imagination? Oh god what about Jaime...What did he see?...What does he think...” The more I think about it the more I just realize that, seriously Jaime could careless...He doesn't care about me as much as I hoped for. If that were true then he would not bring Brienne to this party. Still there is just something holding me back from Oberyn...As much as I wanted to kiss him, I didn't in the same sense. Every time I close my eyes the only man that comes to me is Jaime. The look on his face when he walked in and witnessed us was...scary. He looked angry...Hurt...Jealous all at once. 

I make it down to the bottom of the steps and meet Catelyn as I open the door.

“Hey you?” She says.

“Oh hey?”

“I was looking for you...I saw you get out of the hot tub and then a few minutes later Oberyn was behind you...Spill...”

“I just went to get a drink...He helped me out.”

“Helped you?...As in...”

“No...God no...” I'm still in a daze...I must sound like a zombie. Catelyn is picking up on my mood.

“Sweetie...Is there something wrong?”

“No...everything is fine.”

“No it's not...Did Oberyn do something to you...Say something to you that has got you all upset?...Come sit over here with me and tell me...We've been friends way to long for you to lie to me.”

“So...Sit.” She pats the spot next to her. I sit down sipping my cocktail. “So what's the mood?”

“I don't know Catelyn...I just wish I knew what he was thinking.” I say “he” and realize that I was actually referring to Jaime but she doesn't catch on and thinks that I'm talking about Oberyn. 

“I know what you mean I wish I had that power too with Ned...So did something happen?”

“Yes...No...I don't even know to tell you the truth...I walk into the kitchen to make myself a drink and in walks Oberyn. He makes me a drink and leans in close to me like he was going to kiss me but at the last minute he grabs a towel that's behind me and tells me his hands were sticky from the bottle.”

“Oh...Well...That didn't go very well...Maybe he was nervous.”

“Well he must have maybe gotten some courage cause I go to walk away and he grabs me again and this time I know this was for real...I could just feel it and then in walk Jaime.”

“Oh dear...I'm so sorry.”

“You know what Catelyn...Don't be, actually as weird as this may sound, I think he saved me.”

“Saved you?”

“Something inside of me wanted that kiss but there was also something that didn't...Like it wasn't right.”

Catelyn doesn't say anything for a few minutes and I'm not sure that I can read her either. She smiles at me and takes my hand. 

“Does he remind you of Jaime?” She's serious...She's actually serious and genuine as she asks.

My breath catches in my throat and I just about choke on my drink. She didn't just say that. Did she?

“What do you mean...Yeah in some ways but...”

Catelyn interrupts me. “Just try to work things out”

I go to question her but one of the girls she had invited over spills her drink and Catelyn excuses herself to go clean it up and leaves me alone on the couch absorbing everything she had just said. What did she just say?...I look back into my drink watching the ice cubes melt. Maybe I'm just getting to drunk...Maybe I just need to sit back and rest my head...Maybe I'm thinking about this way too much. Maybe I should just let fate step in...If I was meant to be back with Jaime then It would be...Other than that...Maybe Oberyn is all I need right now.


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a short update but maybe I’ll update again this week Im trying to update atleast 2x a week thanks you guys

Tyrion's POV

I left a few mins after Jaime left the tub, I was looking for him and I saw him going in to the bar before I could even see who the person on the other side of the door are I had this gut feeling that it was Cersei and Oberyn I saw Cersei and Oberyn jump back from each other, her hand placed on her heart, her breathing ridged. I can see her hands are shaking, she's clearly flustered. I can't blame her...Jaime just barge into that door without warning and me flowing him behind I turn around and see the large smile on Jaime's face looking at them

“...I didn't interrupt anything did I?”

He knows very well he did and Oberyn give him a glare to show his anger. Cersei quickly jumps in by telling him no and I see Oberyn look to the ground a little disappointed. 

I think she senses that things may get awkward and she said that she'll be downstairs. I look back up at my brother, he's still wearing that stupid smile and Oberyn followed her

“I think we need to have a little chat....” I told him

“About?” he ask knowing exactly what's it's about.

“I think you know.”

“Cersei?” 

I only receive a smile from him.

“What about her?” he said.

“yeah let’s talk about her.”

“So talk...” I'm already annoyed with this conversation and it didn't even start.

“Was something going on in here before you came in?”

“She said no, didn't she?”

“Yes...She said that...I want you to tell me though. You saw it”

“No...Nothing happened.”

“Yet...Right?”

We're staring at each other I saw jealously in his eyes. 

“Look Jaime...Before you turn green with jealously just remember that you...You were the one that ended your marriage.

....I have something to admit I set up Oberyn and Cersei to be on this party I asked him to escort her to this party... I didn’t know they’ll fit perfectly they look great right ?”

“I'm hardly green and why you wanna help him to shag her ?.”

“I'm not! I just want to hang out with both of my siblings like old times but also I don’t want Cersei to be alone in this party while you’re having fun with your girlfriend.”

“You set them up just for that party but what was that?...What did I walk into?”

“Well yes I did and everything that they’ll do after that is up to them it’s out of my control and of yours aswell”

I'm getting to him...I know it. He's falling apart inside, at the thought of her and Oberyn. All he would have to do is admit it to me to her ...to himself that this woman is everything to him until now and I’ll help him tell Oberyn to back down. Let me know that she is off limits...he said earlier he saw nothing but I feel that its something by the hurt in Jaime's eyes.

“I saw It was a kiss...Well almost anyway.”. Jaime said

“Uh-huh.” 

He says only that as he turns to grab two glasses. He fills one up with his normal scotch and the other, a sweet fruity mixture. It's never been this awkward between my brother and I can't stand the silence any longer.

“Do you still love her Jaime?...Is that what this is all about?”

Jaime whips around staring at me with those angry eyes again. He then looks away from my eyes as he tells me.

“Don't be ridiculous.”

He's lying...I can tell from the way he avoids my eyes.

“NO”

“...Maybe Oberyn love her and it's killing you that he have her.”

“Tyrion...I'm with Brienne.”

“Are you still using her as an excuse?”

“What are you talking about?”

“You’re with Brienne because you fucked up your Marriage with Cersei”

At this point he can hardly look my way. 

“C'mon...Just admit it...You still love her...Or you wouldn't be acting like this. Brienne is just there..In the background...just in case you need a convenient fuck.”

He finally looks at me...This time because he knows I'm right.

“You are out of your bloody mind...Listen little brother...Yes I care for Cersei, I still love her in a family sort of way. Her and I have a great time as a Marriage but it’s all done. It’s done. We’re done

I smile at him, at his stupidity...I can't believe his pride is running in first place right now. I can't believe that he threw this woman away...To me so to speak. What is he afraid of? When I first saw this Cersei in a different light tonight...I couldn't understand why he doesn’t wanted to be with her anymore. She's as close to perfection as you can get. Im sure Oberyn is really attracted to her, I think she could possibly be one of the most beautiful women, but I honestly can't say that Oberyn loves her as much as Jaime, deep down inside I know she belongs to him and tonight I'll just have to shine the light on that...I have to prove to my brother that this is his key to happiness. And he might actually have to learn the hard way.

“So you say...So you say...Well thank you for clearing that up Jaime I’m gonna have a word with Oberyn maybe I can tell him you gave your blessing and I will give mine”

He stops what he's doing and opens his mouth to say something...Maybe to confess...But then it shuts and he sighs. He's keeping it in still.

“Well Jaime...Since now we know where you stands and I know now that you're not in love with her I think I'm going to get back to her and told them to finish what they started...I think Cersei and Oberyn need to have a little talk.”

The look on his face...indescribable...He's not even there anymore...He's expressionless...I don't even know if he heard me. He knows he fucked up, but he just doesn't know how to say it. I pat him on the back, giving him one last shot before I walk out of this kitchen. He's still in thought, staring at something and he just waves me off. I head to the door and look back to him once more, almost wanting to tell him I don’t mean to do that...To give him some sort of relief or hope but instead I move through the door and down to find Cersei. I really want to prove that he is meant to be with her


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Promised I will upload another one this week :) even tho its just Jaime’s POV, I’ll try to make a long chapter for the next update I just hope more people review it kind of gives me motivation. I don’t know if this story still making any sense lol Im trying

Jaime's POV

Fuck...Fuck...Fuck...What have I done?...What is wrong with me? Why can't I just say it, tell him to back the fuck off. I know I'm not being fair to anyone. How can I possibly be angry with my brother for setting them up when I can't bring myself to tell him what I want. I know all I have to do is talk to her I but for some reason it just won't come out.

I walk out onto our side porch that's off of the kitchen. I need a smoke, I need a drink, I need something, anything to get my mind off of it...Off of her. She's driving me crazy, he's driving me crazy. I can hardly look at them when he's touching her. I've watched as he touched her all night...How his arms snaked around her tiny waist at dinner...The way his hands sat firmly above her hips on the dance floor...The way his fingers tickled her thigh in the hot tub...That should be me touching her. That should have been me dancing with her tonight...That should have been me teasing her in the hot tub. It should be me doing things to her that I know will bring her pleasure...It should have been me escorting her to that party.

I suddenly feel sick...I've never felt this way before. I feel as if I could vomit at any second. I stare off into the dark night concentrating my hardest not to be sick, thinking about her. How beautiful she is, How one of a kind she is, How she makes me feel like I'm whole when I'm with her and how I'm completely lost when I'm without her. Her smile...Just makes my day...Her voice... 

On the back of my head Im hoping maybe this is just for today, just for the party and they will never see each other again tomorrow 

I close my eyes hoping and praying that this is all just a dream that when I wake I'll be still in her Arms, feeling so stupid and selfish I don’t know what I’m feeling right now, this is all my fault she seemed already moved on I can’t simply take back everything I’ve said. I already hurt her and hurt her so bad. 

I hear a door opening, before I turn around I have this feeling it's Cersei...That Maybe Tyrion told her to come talk to me. This is it...I'm going to tell her everything.

“Cersei...I need to talk to you.”

“What ? I'm not Cersei,....”

I turn around, to Brienne's voice, Looking at her confused.

“Oh sorry...I just figured Tyrion would have sent her up for me to talk to her about something...that's all.”

“Well I think Oberyn pretty much took care of that himself...Looks like you're off the hook. I saw them”

“Took care of it?...huh?”

“Yeah...Seems Cersei was resting on the couch and he offered to take her upstairs and put her into bed...He's so sweet...I told him to just take her to one of the spare rooms instead of driving her home...Oberyn seemed a little drunk to be driving.”

“He took her upstairs?...” I must sound like an idiot, repeating her.

“Well...I think so why?”

That lump in my throat...It's getting bigger...I'm about to be sick. Just then I look up to see Cersei and Oberyn through the window, walking hand in hand toward the staircase. I walk back in, ignoring Brienne as I push by her roughly. I make eye contact with Oberyn, following his every move. Cersei then takes notice of his stare and looks over to me. Her eyes are filled with lust...She looks back to Oberyn and tells him something I can't really make out...My hearing is fuzzy at the moment. She walks over to me and grabs my hand.

“Jaime...Thank you for tonight...” 

Her eyes are heavy...I'm sure she's had just a little bit to much to drink...She isn't drunk but just enough to let herself let go...To let herself forget about everything until tomorrow and that's what worries me the most. I'm worried she is going to do something that she'll end up regretting tomorrow...I did this, it would be my fault...If I didn’t left her I’m the one with her right now. 

“Your welcome ...Would you rather me take you home?”

“Oh...Uh...No...I don't want you to get into a car either...I'll be fine here if it’s fine with you can we stay here just one night?.”

I can hear the voices in my head yelling at me to just tell her...Tell her everything that's has been building up inside of me...I feel like my whole world is going to fall apart. My chest feels tight and I wonder if this is what it feels like when you are about to have a heart attack.

She gave me a little hug I pull her close to me for a hug...If I don't let her go she can't possibly go with him. Finally I hear her whisper in my ear...

“Jaime...You need to let go...”

“Oh...I'm sorry...” I look at Oberyn then back at her. “Uh...If you need anything...anything at all just come find me.”

“Okay Oberyn will stay with me he’s a little bit drunk I can’t let him drive at this hour”  
I did not comment to that but what could I do? She gives me a smile and slowly slips away from me. I watch her walk up the staircase, her arm intertwined in Oberyn’s. Soon they are both out of view.

I hear Brienne walking behind me...She puts her hand around my waist.

“They are so lovely together...I just hope they don't keep us up all night when he's shagging her senseless.”

It's going to take so much for me not to knock down that door. I know I made a mistake...I made a huge mistake and right now there is nothing I can do to make it any better. 

“Yeah me too.”

I can't agree any more with her statement. Brienne leads me back downstairs, back to the party but right now I'm just not in any kind of party mood.


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s been hell of a week apologies for late updates and I just want you all to know I appreciate your reviews!, so here we go another chapter

Cersei's POV

I don't know how long I've been laying my head back against the couch but soon I feel the couch cushion spring me in the air a little and someone is sitting next to me. 

“Did ya miss me?”

I open my eyes and turn my head to the side, looking at him square in the face, our noses are just about touching. I flash him a smile that I manage to have given him all night long. I didn’t say anything. I keep staring at him, waiting for him to question my quietness.

“Well did ya?”

I raise an eyebrow and smirk, casually dropping my eyes to his lips then back up to his eyes.

“You tell me what that was all about in the kitchen and I'll tell you if I missed you or not.”

“Well as I recall, weren't you the one who told Jaime that it was nothing?”

“That I did, but...how was I to know what you were going to do...What was I supposed to tell him?”

“Would you like me to show you again what my intentions were exactly?”

I still stare into his eyes... and swallow hard...Time to get over Jaime.

“I want you to show me what your intentions were...I want to know what you were thinking.”

“Well...I realized how incredibly sexy your mouth looked sipping your cocktail. Something just came over me...I couldn't help but wonder what you tasted like...I had the sudden urge to feel your lips.”

Whoa...Chills...goosebumps, they ran up and down my body making me hot and positively wet with desire. I keep telling myself over and over that I need to get Jaime out of my head. I keep hearing the words “He'll never feel for you the way you feel for him.” Oberyn is sitting before me telling me he wants to taste me...He sounds so sincere, how can I possibly refuse him.

Again my eyes travel down to his lips waiting...wanting. 'This is Oberyn Cersei...Not Jaime...He will never be Jaime and you'll never have Jaime again...Kiss him.'

Our noses are touching now, he's sliding a hand up to my cheek and he pulls me the rest of the way to his lips. I close my eyes as soon as we make contact. I hear a deep throaty Moan coming from him which causes me to part my lips, inviting him in. He fully accepts the invitation and our tongues dance an erotic dance. Jaime is still in my head and mostly still in my heart. It hurts so much to do this. My heart is telling me no...There still may be some sort of chance with Jaime but my body isn't cooperating any more. All it wants right now is a warm body pressed up against it. And slowly I feel myself giving in. I place my free hand on his upper thigh squeezing him.

I feel him pull away first and I realize where I am...Jaime could have walked in at any moment and saw what was transpiring between his brother and I. I'm thankful the kiss is over but still I'm aching for more. We still continue to look at one another until I'm sure he couldn't take the silence anymore.

“So...Did ya miss me?”

“Yes Oberyn...I did...”

He's looking at me as if he wants more but a yawn escapes me...and he frowns.

“Was it that boring?”

“Just the opposite...I think this drink you made me is making me very useless though...I feel a little dizzy.”

“That was just the kiss making you dizzy...” He laughs causing me to giggle. This is why it doesn't feel as awkward as I thought it would have been. Like I said before I totally feel at home with him. “You tired?”

“Yeah...NO..I don't know...” I laugh, not really knowing what I'm feeling right now. “I feel drunk but...Not the normal drunk...My eyes are really heavy.”

“Would you like me to take you home?”

“Oh honey...You can't drive, you've had a few drinks yourself.”

“You're right...I'm sure you can just spend the night here and in the morning I'll take you home.”

Before I can even protest he calls housekeeper over and asks her what room to take me to. She looks at him and gives him a smirk thinking right away that he wants the room for a different purpose. He quickly corrects her and she tells him to take me to the room upstairs. She looks at me then and gives me a secret wink.

“Everything you'll need is up in the room, towels are in the closet in the hall if you want to shower later.”

“Thank you, but if it's at all a problem I can just call a cab, really.”

“No, sir Jaime would never have it...We have the room.”

Just then Shae come closer

‘’Are you good?”

“I guess I’m fine, Just a little tipsy”

“Ah it doesn’t look like a little to me”

she walks over to me grabbing my hand, helping me to stand on my two feet and whispers in my ear...

“You know Cersei, I don’t know If this is appropriate to say but have fun in the Bedroom”

She pulls away with a naughty smile. I'm so flustered

She goes for the kitchen a head of us with a drenched towel from the spill but before she's around the corner she yells back...

“Hey Cersei...We'll have to compare notes.” She giggles as she steps out of sight. Shae and Tyrion will also stay in Jaime’s house tonight.

Oberyn looks at me with questioning eyes. “What was that all about?”

“Nothing...Just nothing.”

“I doubt that but...I'll let ya off the hook...girly business I assume?”

“Yeah, something like that.”

He grabs my hand making sure I'm steady enough to walk up the stairs. We make it up the first flight just fine but when we get to the main floor and are about to make our way to the bedroom I notice Oberyn has a changed expression and I follow it. I turn my head to find Jaime Standing in the doorway to the kitchen, looking lost again. I tell Oberyn I would be right back and walk over to Jaime.

“Jaime, Thank you for tonight.”

He takes a while to answer but does eventually and offers to drive me home himself. I decline telling him that he shouldn't be driving either and ask the most awkward question of the night but fuck it we’re drunk, I ask his permission if we can stay I mean, me and Oberyn just for tonight because we can’t drive home. I look at him once more and give him a slight hug I feel his arms wrap around me tightly, Almost as he never wants to let me go. We stand in that position for a while until I have to tell him he has to let go. Actually as I say it I'm telling myself 'No Cersei...You have to let go...You have to let go of Jaime once and for all, he'll never return to you and the love you have for him.'

He finally lets me go and I keep my eyes locked to his until I can't turn my head any more and I'm out of his view and into the bedroom hand in hand with Oberyn

Tyrion's POV

I was in the Couch watching Jaime, Cersei and Oberyn from a far I don’t exactly know what they are talking about but it seems like Cersei and Oberyn will stay for a night and are now heading upstairs  
leaving Jaime in the kitchen and as soon as they do I feel guilt taking over me. I know he's hurting, I know that this is the last thing that he wanted when he first asked me if Cersei will attend I just told him yes but he never knew she’s going to have a date and it’s killing him right now, It’s not fair for Cersei so I had to do that. I know he wishes he was the one to take her to the party and they’re still together. The one thing I don't know is why he just doesn't say It, That he’s still madly in love with her maybe his pride? I don’t really know...What is stopping him? Why is he afraid? Could it possibly be that he really doesn't know how she feels for him anymore? All you have to do is look at them two together. Everything stops and everyone disappears when they are together. I guess that's why the saying Love is blind was coined.

Stupid, stupid people.

As much as I think Oberyn deserve a chance with her and as much as I believe he’s really going to take care her I still can’t fully trust Oberyn and push Oberyn to Cersei like I've said before I don’t know anyone who love her like Jaime does and I know her heart still belongs to Jaime.

Right now I'm on a mission and that mission is to prove to Jaime that yes, he still madly deeply inlove with Cersei, she is everything to him. I may have to do it the hard way since the night is over and Jaime still keeping it to himself I don’t even know what that is. And in the end I'll be thanked...Probably after all the drama fades.

Oberyn’s POV

Im thinking of going home now but I fel like I can’t really drive I had a few drinks and I feel a little bit dizzy now, But I honestly don’t feel like staying at the house of my date’s ex husband yeah it sounds really strange because it is fucking strange. As much as I want to be mad at Tyrion for dragging me into this situation I kind of want to thank him, I had wonderful time with the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen in a long while and the night is not over yet. Im going to let Cersei decide what are we up to, is she going to let me sleep with her or I’ll just drive her home

I push all my thoughts aside and go to find Cersei. When I get downstairs I find her with her head lying back against the couch and decided to plop down next to her.

She opens her eyes and turns her head towards mine. “Did ya miss me love?”

I don't get a response just stares, she's giving me the most sexy stares, smoldering stares.

She tells me that She'll tell me if she missed me if I tell her what just happened in the kitchen between us...So I ask her if I could show her. This time I'm really going to do it...I can’t help it. She tells me yes.

“Well I realized how incredibly sexy your mouth looked sipping your cocktail. Something just came over me...I couldn't help but wonder what you tasted like...I had the sudden urge to feel your lips.”

After that I place my hand on her cheek and it's all over... I find myself moaning into her. I didn't mean to do that but I just couldn't help it. She is that good. I know Jaime has kissed this woman before and I have no idea how he stopped himself. I can't even describe what she feels like.

I realize that I have to pull away, I can't get myself attached to her anymore than I already am. If I fall for her hard that fast Im in trouble.

We still stare at each other waiting for one of us to speak. Finally I have to...I can't take it anymore.

“So did you miss me?”

She laughs...good...That's a good sign.

She tells me she did and yawns. I pretend to be offended and ask her if it was really that boring. She tells me it was just the opposite and she feels drunk and dizzy. Knowing that I should probably offer her a ride home I do and she declines telling me that I shouldn't be behind the wheel...I hesitated she noticed it and she insisted saying “for me” I can’t say not to that. I Call the House Keeper over and ask her about sleeping arrangements and she tells me to take her up to the room upstairs. 

Shae is now helping Cersei up and whispers something in her ear...I have an idea it's something about the two of us and a bedroom but when I ask Cersei about it she tells me to never mind...Which pretty much means that's exactly what they were talking about.

A few minutes later we are on our way upstairs and as soon as we begin to climb the main staircase I see Jaime at the doorway. Cersei looks also and leaves me to probably say good night and Jaime embraces her in a hug, holding on for dear life...He doesn't look good, almost sick-like. Finally he lets her go and she's all mine...Well that's what I make it look like anyway. We climb the stairs stumbling and laughing at one another but still she manages to keep eye contact with him until she can't any more. Right before we step into the bedroom I look back to Jaime, not showing him a single emotion on my face. I know he's ready to die inside.


	33. Chapter 33

Cersei's POV

The feelings I'm having at this very second, I can't explain. It's a thousand different ones all mixed into one. I turn around to close the door and lean up against it just watching Oberyn. He's flipping the covers down for me. I pray to god I can handle this, so far no tears or confessions. OH God im really drunk I close my eyes fighting the tears...I don't want to do this, not now...When I get home in my own bed maybe but not here. Not when I have a chance to forget about Jaime.

Forget about Jaime?...How could I possibly...I don't know if I could ever forget about him. I swallow hard. 'Come on Cersei...get it together...This is as close to Jaime as you'll ever get.' My eyes are closed...tightly...Trying to block it all out. I assume that Oberyn was still messing with the covers but apparently he's now done and standing in front of me. Is he just really tucking me in or does he want more.

I feel his hand grab mine and is now leading me to the bed. He stops and looks at me...At the way I'm dressed. I look down to my half naked body, still in the damp swimsuit, him in a pair of sweats and a t-shirt.

“Well you can't possibly wear that to bed now can you?”

I feel my bikini top and it's wet. “No...It's still wet...I guess I really can't.”

“Hmm...” He thinks. “There is a closet full of clothes right over there...I'll go search for something for you to put on.”

He turns to go look for something for me to wear but as he passes me I stop him with my hand flat up against his chest. This is it...I'm going for it...This is what I have to do.

“Wait...” And he stops and waits for me to speak. I fight with my voice to get it working properly. “I don't want to wear any clothes from here for all I know that’s Brienne's clothes.”

I'm not sure he knows what to do...He's not moving...He's paralyzed.

“Well...What would you like to wear then?”

I keep looking at him with want in my eyes. “Nothing...or You perhaps.”

Yes I said it...I really said it...I know I said it out loud by the look on his face. I walk closer to him, lightly pushing him on to the bed. I'm standing over him and he's eye level with my breasts. I reach around and pull at the stings holding up my swimsuit top and it falls away. He stares at my breast for a second and then down to the piece of material resting in his lap. I climb on to his lap straddling him. I run my hand quickly through his hair and bend down the rest of the way to capture his lips. It takes him a second or two to respond but once he does he quickly gets into it, opening his mouth to me and grabbing a fist full of my hair from the back of my head. There is so much passion between us but it still doesn't feel quite right. 

He lets go of my hair and moves on to my breasts, pressing them together. I break the kiss breathlessly and arch my back as he moves his head to my cleavage dropping kisses on them. My swimsuit bottoms are positively soaked and it's not from the hot tub anymore.

“Oberyn...” I breathlessly whisper his name which only fuels more passion between us. 

He flips me over and climbs on top of me, kissing his way down my stomach...past my belly button. Everything is so rushed and full of passion. I place my hands on either side of his head encouraging him to go down further as I spread my legs wider. My fingers now reaching down to the strings on the sides of my bottoms and I begin to pull at them helping him along.

“Oh god Oberyn...” Is the only thing I can say. Then blurted out. “I want you so bad...I really do...But..............I can't.”

Passion..............Gone!

He gets off of me and walks over to the dresser, running his hands through his hair. I sit up, and becoming incredibly self conscious I cover my naked breasts up with my hands. I look up to the ceiling fighting back the tears that are ready to come at any second. I’m really sorry you have no Idea How sorry I’am

“What is wrong with me?... did I said something wrong?”

“No...It's nothing you said or did...Oberyn I need to tell you something.”

“Oh this is never good”

he can't imagine what went wrong. One minute we’re so into it, the next nothing. He’s still watching me...wondering and waiting for an explanation.

‘’I just want you to know that this night was really amazing I really had fun with you, you’re amazing,

I just…. Im still thinking of him when I’m with you” I blurted out

“Oh Cersei, believe me I know but I still hang on to maybe you’ll forget him even for tonight”

“Im sorry you’re really an amazing person I just can’t sleep with you thinking of another you don’t deserve that, you deserve so much better”

He gasp and he quickly turns towards me, walking over and kneeling right in front of me.

“I know, everything is still fresh between Jaime and you and Im really sorry for rushing you, but I just want you to know Cersei...I do want you...I've never imaged anyone as beautiful as you. Everything will be okay soon”

“I hope because right now I'm not sure how much more of this emotional roller coaster I can take.”

He just hugged me and proposed to take me home by calling his driver just to be safe instead of staying there because right now I can’t take to see more of Jaime’s face. He’s probably sleeping by now and we’re safe to leave.


	34. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You guys I think i owe you a long chapter after my last update:( its been a while and challenging for me sorry ... Keep safe everyone

After that incident in Tyrions after Party she felt like an automaton, a hollow puppet. She was living life on the outside, but inside she was empty a lot of realizations hit her she’s not completely moved on.

Oberyn’s kind enough to always phone her and ask her how she is, and he keeps on apologizing to her thinking she felt rushed because of what happened in the after party, but she keep on insisting that they should forget it and it’s nobody’s fault, they’re both drunk at the time and she’s kind of begging him to please forget it now so she can move on.

She never talked to Jaime after that night it’s been a week, never heard from him even from Tyrion. She just like to stay away for a while she feels like it’s going to help her move on.

One thing that at least made her feel alive was her Choreography Job. She was glad she had that going and it was keeping her busy. She had her choreography job, her Theatre school, and she also danced every time she felt like she was filled to the brim. It was in those times that she forgot pain even existed.

But there were nebulous moments when she would remember the times she had used her dancing to tease, lure, and seduce her now estranged husband, the time he had sneaked up on her while she was dancing and lectured her on cutting of his friends from her life, the time when he was supposed to have watched her latest production, which she still hadn’t validated out of the fear that it might not have been true but it was only a cruel trick her mind played against her.

She tried not to let it get through to her but she wondered. She wanted to ask him, but she knew she had to stay away. She was waiting for him to draft the divorce papers, actually. If he didn’t do it in the next few weeks, she would be the one to do it. She just wanted everything to be final. If he was leaving her, then he should. He should not keep her hanging on a line, wondering if he was going to want or woo her back.it was very clear from the last time they saw each other . That he doesn’t have a plan of getting back to her. He’s clearly still with Brienne, just then she realized she never really had a conversation with Brienne even looking into her eyes pains her and Brienne never really made an eye contact to her either only when they first saw each other maybe she’s ashame and yes she should.

Shaking her head, she let her thoughts go and focused on the present, letting her body move through the beat of the music. Her eyes were closed and she was letting the music flow through her. She finished her routine with a small smile on her face.

Suddenly, she heard a ring of applause, just as the music faded into nothingness, and her eyes popped open. She looked around for a moment, and then spotted Oberyn by the doors, a small smile gracing his face. It occurred to her how she had once found herself in the same predicament before, only with a different man. That man being her soon to be ex-husband.

“Hello,” he said politely, as he moved towards where she was standing. He picked up a water bottle on his way and handed it to her.

“Thanks,” she said, accepting the bottle gratefully. She wiped the beads of set on her forehead and gave him a small smile. “Hello to you too, as well. How are you”

He grinned now.

“I’m good, Still remembering your kisses”

“Oberyn” her voice pleading just to let him know she’s not up to talking about it

“Just Kidding I know I know, let’s just forget that, Uhh by the way I’m sorry to startle you, gorgeous,” he said. “But the interns said I could find you here. We’re done for the day you know?”

She nodded. “I know,” she replied. “Most of the dancers had gotten the routine by now. As it’s been a month but it’s only just us trying to get the choreography together. We’ve only extensively practiced the first half so far.”

Oberyn nodded. “So I heard,” he said. “But listen, I need to talk to you about something. Do you think I could treat you out to dinner or something?”

She gripped the bottle tighter as she thought it through. Should she? It had been somewhat clear to her that he had other intentions on her than just business. It should do no harm if she went. She was separated and he was, as far as she knew, single. Anyway, it didn’t matter if he was or was not. Thinking back at the kick-off party remembering everything specially Jaime she really had fun but also made her realize that she could never let herself be burned in relationships again. Not now, not again, not ever.

“Sure,” she said, smiling softly. “I’ll just go get changed and I’ll come and find you, okay?”

He nodded and began to walk out of the expansive studio. He turned for a brief moment and looked at her. “I’ll be at the other studio.” He pointed to the right side, indicating that was the room where he would be.

“Okay,” she said, nodding, before she walked back to the dressing room to change quickly.

It took her less than half an hour to get changed and do her makeup. Throwing on her skinny jeans and red blouse, then slipping on to her red high heels, she hastened to do the most basic, the most minimal makeup. She didn’t want to make too much effort, but she didn’t want to make him feel like she wasn’t making any either. So, only ever half-pleased with what she had and what she looked like, she strutted out of the dance room and walked to the music studio where he was laying on tracks with the sounds manager.

“Hey,” she said, poking her head through the glass door of the booth. “Ready?”

He looked at her, surprise and desire coloring his vibrant eyes, and then nodded. “When you are,” he said. She gave him a small nod, as he walked toward her and offered his arm. She took it, out of politeness, and together they walked out of the studio and the building. “You look insanely gorgeous.” He seemed to have caught himself and he paused. “I’m sorry. I meant to say that you look beautiful.”

She blushed but smiled. “Thank you,” she murmured, looking down to avoid his eyes she felt like she was ten years old as she blushed under his scrutiny and because of his compliments. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome,” he said, chuckling a bit.

A part of him really reminds her of Jaime. She guessed it was the charm. And another part of him told her that there were mysteries to him waiting to be discovered and unveiled. He seemed like a sweet man.

“Where are we eating?” she asked him when they were safely ensconced in his black Ferrari and were driving off to the freeway.

“Ivy’s okay for you?” he asked. He looked sideways at her before refocusing on the road before him. “I actually have a reservation ready.”

She wanted to tell him that it was where she and Jaime had their first date as a couple and she would much rather not go and eat there. In fact, she went all out and decided not to eat there at all ever since her fall out with Jaime but she bit her tongue. She didn’t want to fuss over it.

Instead, she smiled and nodded at him. “Sure,” she said. “Although, I wonder…you have a reservation ready?” She grinned at him. “Does this mean you planned it all along?”

“Damn,” he muttered. He blushed, making her giggle. “If I say yes, will you let me off the hook?” he asked, chuckling now himself.

She giggled some more and nodded.

“Sure,” she said. “I’ll let you off the hook. So, did you?”

“Well, I had wanted to take you out for real for quite some time now, Ms. Lannister,” he replied with a teasing smile. “Let’s just say that right now, I’m thanking God for small favors.

She laughed now, the sound of it bouncing against the small space, making him laugh as well. She didn’t think she had smiled or laughed as much since Jaime had told her that he was having an affair. She didn’t think she would, if she was being honest.

It had felt like Jaime had sucked the life right out from her. It was difficult and painful to know that your husband was having an affair, finding out about it right from his mouth and him admitting that he was in love with the other woman was just sheer hell.

“you know we already had a dinner together at the party” she said

‘’That was set up by Tyrion, no offense but that was not planned by me. This time it’s me, really me”

“alright what was that you wanted to talk about?” she asked Oberyn when they were already seated and had placed their orders in. She looked at him, as her hands clasped tightly together over the table and he set the wine glass back onto the table.

“Well, you see,” he began, “we are going to need you to fly out of the country around mid January…about a month and a half from now, if you agree of course.”

Her eyebrows furrowed as she contemplated what she had to say. She had to think about it of course, but she also wanted to know why. “Um, why?” she asked. “And for how long?”

“For two weeks, and then maybe a bit some, but that’s something left to be discussed yet,” he replied. “We need you there to supervise the whole choreography, of course. You said that you would send one of your co-choreographers but the producers would really rather you do it.”

She frowned a bit. “I’ll have to think about it,” she said. “Is it okay?”

He nodded at her. “Of course,” he said. “It’s not for another one and half month anyway.”You take your time thinking about it and tell me when you’ve decided.”

She smiled at him gratefully just as the waitress brought their dinners. They spent the next few minutes eating in companionable silence. When she was finished, she wiped the corners of her mouth with the napkin and looked at him with a smile.

“Thank you for dinner,” she said. “I didn’t know people get treated to dinner because of some business consultation.” She grinned at him.

He swallowed visibly as he laid his fork alongside his knife. He looked at her seriously, and she started to get nervous. He looked so nervous but so serious, it was unnerving her.

“It isn’t the only reason I brought you out to dinner, Cersei,” he admitted, his gaze burning holes through her.

“It isn’t?” she echoed, her voice shaking with her nervousness.

He shook his head and took her hand. She had to fight the urge to pull it away. “I know how it feels…to be divorced. I’m not a stranger to that. My wife left me, too, for a different reason…but she did and I can tell you that I know how bad it hurts.”

She nodded, she felt sorry for him. She squeezed his hand, for comfort.

“I just wanted to tell you that for right now, I know that you’re not looking it was pretty clear to me when we had a moment at the after party, by the way I’m sorry again for that, but…I just want my intentions to be clear…I like you,” he confessed. “I think you’re beautiful and a very great person. I want to know you better. I like you.” I don’t think I’ve already told you that then but it’s true I really do like you

She looked at him, surprise written all over her face. She couldn’t say she didn’t think its a possibility especially after the party where it’s pretty clear he’s interested with her, but it shocked her nonetheless. “I’m sorry,” she told him. “But as you’ve said, I’m not looking right now…I don’t think I could ever possibly look….”

“I know, I felt that” he said. “I know what I said. I know that you’re not looking but I want my intentions to be clear. I want to be in sight whenever you decide to look. I’m not rushing you…I mean no one can, for that matter. But I want you to know it, either way. I’m serious, I wanted to know you better and create new memories”

‘’Come on now, don’t make it look like we had a very bad memories in the party I really had a great time with you there, no matter what happened at the end of that night we can forget it but not everything, It was an experience really.”

She wanted to say more, to tell him that despite of that great experience with him she couldn’t possibly fall in love ever again after Jaime, but he silenced her. He was such a kind man too, it was hard for her to turn him down.

“You’re smart,” he continued, letting go of her hand now and leaning back on his chair. The smile on his face was genuine, and it put Cersei at ease—partially. If anything, he wasn’t going to force her. “When my ex wife and I separated, I threw myself away…I drank constantly, went to dates all the time, with most of them ending in one night stands, and I just tried to blur the nights and days so I wouldn’t have to think and feel and hurt.” He gave her a small smile when he noticed her sympathetic look. “I’m so much better now, you know. I moved on, she moved on, and now I’m throwing myself to my first love—the theater.”

She nodded, understanding him completely. When she and Jaime separated, she threw herself to work as well. “How did you…you know, recover? How did you do it? How did you just wake up from that nightmare?”

“It wasn’t easy,” he said. “Sometimes, I would go through day in and day out wondering why I was still alive. I sometimes didn’t even want to wake up anymore or get up or do anything because the heartache was so intense. It was as if someone was pulling you down, drowning you, and try as you might to get your head over water, you can’t. It feels like suffocating, like suddenly, the air you breathe in is either gone or that very air is poison and is just killing you slowly, torturing you. There was nothing in that life, or in any, to make you want to continue living. Losing that one person you promised to love and cherish for the rest of your life, the one who promised to do the same, was like losing a part of you…and it was so difficult to even function anymore. I didn’t think I would ever recover.” He paused, taking a deep breath. He might have had moved on from it, but it didn’t mean it hurt less. “I was spiraling out of control really fast and it felt so much like a train wreck. You can hear, feel and even know it’s going to be disastrous in the end but then there’s nothing there for you but to stay, unless you brave it and take a jump.” His hand flailed in an effort to make a point. “I had to take the jump. I had my kids to think about. I could not be selfish.”

She looked at him, astounded. “You have kids?” she asked, surprised that she didn’t know and that she never saw his kids.

“Yeah,” he said, smiling. “Two. Obara, who is ten, and Tyene, who is seven—they’re in Dorne right now with their mother. They live with her and only come over here with me on holidays or vacation. They have been wonderful all through it, you know? They were really young back Obara was just five and Tyene was just two years of age. But we did what we had to…they moved to Dorne so their mother could practice their profession. Their mother—Ellaria—is a lawyer.”

“Why did you…if it isn’t too much to ask…” she trailed off.

“We divorced because…well, I guess we just fell apart. I had big dreams about theater and the like, and she was disillusioned with my dreams. She was always pragmatic, and I guess she had dreams of her own to chase. Maybe it was a long time coming that we separate because along the way, we lost the spark we used to have together. Maybe we were never really meant to be. Maybe that relationship stretched to its very limit and it just had to end.”

She remained quiet, unable to make a decent reply. What could she say to that? Nothing. There was nothing to be said after that.

“My husband fell in love with another woman,” she admitted, lowering her head now so she wouldn’t see the pity in his eyes if he decided to give it to her. She definitely didn’t need it. “I guess I got so busy with chasing my own dreams that I was pushing him aside and the comfort and love he needed from me, he found from somebody else.”

“It’s not right,” he said. His voice was without anger, but it wasn’t passive as though he was just saying it to appease her. It felt like he meant it. And he did.

“It isn’t.” She shook her head. “He could have talked to me, he could have told me, I could have known…there could have been one million and one things we both could have done to prevent this from happening…but we didn’t and here we are.”

There was silence as neither of them knew what to say. He then, reached out again to touch her hand. But she remained looking down, to try and prevent the tears from spilling.  
“It may not feel like it,” he said gently, as he reached over to tilt her chin up and offered her a smile, “but it’s going to get better. Maybe not now, not tomorrow, maybe not even in the next year, but it will. It will.”

She gave him the same smile back and nodded. Maybe, it really would.


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who still reading this thank you so much :) please leave a review ❤️

“Are you okay?” Oberyn asked her, catching her staggering form as she tried to fight away the dizziness that seemed to suddenly appear. She didn’t even feel tired in the slightest a while ago.

“Yes,” she said, trying to regain her equilibrium and pushing herself forward and out of Oberyn’s comforting arms. She was only walking when her legs suddenly gave out on her. But it was in passing, as she felt one hundred percent okay now.

“Are you sure?” Oberyn asked doubtfully, looking at her through narrowed eyes. 

“I am,” she said, giggling slightly, to ease him.

The past two weeks had been more or less the same with her. She had a ray of hope, however, because of Oberyn’s words to her when they had dinner. But of course, it was the tiniest bit of hope and it could easily be removed by the doubt planted to her by something far bigger than her—despair.

“You’ve been like this for the past month,” he said, reminding her once again. “Even before we had that dinner two weeks ago…I know you told me then that you were just tired and I believed you, but you’re just not getting better sweetheart. Do you need me to bring you to the hospital?”

“Oh please,” she said light-heartedly. “Don’t make a fuss on my account. It’s just because of the rigorous exercise, it’s nothing. I’m not used to it…my body is adjusting with it. I’m not twenty-five anymore, you know…unfortunately.” She tried to make it light, tried to make a joke. She wouldn’t mention how she was getting sick at odd times now too.

“Hmm,” Oberyn hummed, obviously unconvinced. “Are we overworking you?” She shook her head and he sighed. “If it gets any worse, do you promise to go to the doctor? I just don’t want you to get sick.”

She smiled at him. He was such a sweet man. “I promise,” she said.

And he let it go, for now.

Hours later, rested, fed, and made a fuss over—Cersei found herself laughing off from Oberyn’s antics as he played a trick at one of the stage managers. It was hilarious, and all in good fun. And for once, she was grateful not to be sad.

“Mrs. Lannister?” one of the interns called for her attention. She seemed to not know that Cersei had reverted back to Ms now as a single woman. 

“Yes?” she asked, plastering a smile on her face. It jarred her that someone still called her Mrs. Lannister nowadays, and she knew she should correct them but there was time for that.

“Someone is here for you,” the intern said shyly, in awe that she was standing there face to face with her idol. She tried to keep her calm and not faint in front of the Cersei Lannister but it was taking superhuman strength to do that. She really wanted to squeal.

“Oh, Cersei, you may want to give Jomarie your autograph,” Oberyn teased, calling from the other side of the room. “She admires you. She loves you to death. I can assure you that she’s trying not to squeal right now…or faint.” Oberyn winked at the intern and grinned at her.

The intern, Jomarie, blushed and kept her head down while Cersei smiled and chuckled.

“I’ll give you your autograph later,” Cersei teased. “But you said there’s someone here for me? Who?”

Jomarie nodded. “Mr. Lannister is here for you, ma’am,” she said.

Cersei looked at her in surprise, a sharp gasp accentuating her shock. She looked at the intern’s face, then at the door where he was, his arms across his chest looking at her with a blank expression. She blinked, trying to make sense of what was happening and trying to make herself wake up, if this was a dream. She closed her eyes, squeezing them tight, and when she opened them, he was still there. He was standing there, now with an amused expression. Jaime was really there. She mumbled a soft thank you to the intern and crossed the threshold, still in disbelief. What was he doing here?

“Cersei,” he said gruffly, making it sound more like a growl.

“Jaime?” she asked, confusion coloring her voice. “What are you doing here?”

He sighed. “Tyrion and Uncle and I have all been calling you since eight this morning, Cersei.”

Cersei looked at her watch. It was already one in the afternoon. She hadn’t been able to check her phone all day since seven that morning. She couldn’t possibly guess why her whole family, including Jaime, was calling her.

“Um, why?” she asked.

“We have been trying to reach you and it was only on my twentieth call did I get frustrated and decided to come over to your school, only to be told that you’re some studio doing some choreography for something or the other,” he ranted angrily at her.

She couldn’t imagine why he was so mad. Did he want a day to day list of what she had to do? 

“Yes,” she said evenly, still trying to gauge why he was so mad and what he was doing there. She lowered her voice to a whisper, trying to cue him that they weren’t exactly alone. “Why?”

“Tyrion called me earlier this morning Cersei telling me that father suffered a heart attack. He is in the hospital right now, and the doctors are yet to tell them if he is going to be transferred to another hospital,” Jaime said with gentleness, knowing that it would not go over well with Cersei. She admires their father a lot. And although Cersei adored her mother to death, Cersei had always wanted to make her father proud of her and he’ll always be the one person she really look up .

“Father is what now?” she asked, not comprehending everything. Things seemed fine early this morning, now they were all falling apart. “Is he—is he alright?” A sob caught in her throat at the thought that their father might not be okay.

Jaime reached out to hold her He pulled her close enough to be able to support her without repulsing her. “Tyrion said he is alright so far, but his doctors want to make sure before they make any decisions.”

“I need to go there,” she whispered.“I need to go and check Father.”

Jaime nodded, he figured as much. “Yes, I know,” he said, pulling her real close now and rubbing her back in an effort to calm her down. “Look, you go get changed, I’ll go get your things and we’ll drive down to the Hospital today okay?”

Cersei looked at him and shook her head. “No I can go by myself,” she said. “You can go by yourself aswell.”

Jaime shook his head as well, clearly disagreeing with this idea. “No of course not are you fucking out of your mind he’s my father aswell there’s no time for that right now,” he said. “And besides you are not in the proper state of mind to drive that far. Just do as I say and I’ll meet you in the car okay?”

“What will Brienne say?” she asked bluntly. She’d rather not ask, but can’t help thinking she might be going with them, she wouldn’t be too happy with it. “She wouldn’t be too pleased with the idea of them together in the car. Jaime’s lip pursed and he cocked his head to the side before looking at her dead in the eyes. “I don’t have to tell Brienne Everything, or do anything and everything she asks, for that matter,” he replied. “Now go. Go change into something comfortable and I’ll see you in the car. We’d have to drop by our house first, okay?”

It surprised Cersei when he said our instead of your, but she was far too worried with their father to actually think about it. She nodded, instead. “I’ll have to say goodbye to them first.” She pointed at the cluster of people from the other side of the room who were looking at them with barely-hidden interest. “I don’t know if we should. We won’t have time anyway…I’ll need to pack but I rather want to be with father earlier if possible.”

Jaime nodded at her. “I took care of that actually,” he informed her. “I informed your Helper and had her pack a week’s worth of clothes for you, if that’s okay?”

She half smiled at him gratefully, nodding now.

“Then we’ll also drop off my own house so we can get the clothes that she had packed for me.”

She started to protest, but Jaime held up his hand and dismissed her. Defeated, but grateful deep inside, she walked back to the other side of the room to bid her farewell and to give her apologies before she went to her dressing room to change.

She purposefully avoided Oberyn’s burning gaze.

*

“Tyrion!” Cersei exclaimed as she arrived at the hospital. She ran towards her brother and to her surprise (Tysha Tyrions first wife is there) with open arms . It was already nine in the evening as it had taken them a long time to get there. There was a traffic jam and the fact that they had two stop-overs added to the time.

“Shhh” Tysha soothed as she rubbed Cersei’s back. kissed Cersei’s forehead and held her tight.

Cersei pulled back, a few minutes later, just in time to see Jaime hugging Tyrion who looked as ill-wrought as her., “Where's Shae ?” Cersei asked, looking for Shae,” She went home,” Tysha said. “she looked so tired. she needed to rest and need to look for the kids aswell so Tyrion and I stay here…she’s been here since early this morning with Tyrion …when it happened.” She looked at Cersei’s conflicted expression and she touched her cheek. “Tyrion Called me and told me what happened I was so worried and I work closer here anyway so i dropped by to visit aswell

Tyrion had remarried, after Tysha and his relationship didn't work out but they kept a good relationship with each other. Cersei liked Tysha well enough, as she felt like Tysha made her Brother happy. And although she was so sad when they were separated she's glad that they're still friends and in good terms, Seeing her there . Now, she felt like the same future awaited her. Would she be like what Tysha was now, With Jaime whenever there's time to be together , while Brienne was away, resting? Or would they lose everything, considering they didn’t have children to put into consideration?

Would she be able to stick up a weird, often awkward, kind of friendship with Brienne when he married Brienne? Or would she still be bitter? The questions plagues her amidst her worry her for her father. It didn’t help her any when Jaime, who was now sidling in next to her, placed his arm around her shoulder and pulled her close. Tyrion threw Cersei a questioning look, which Cersei dutifully ignored. She, instead, snuggled closer to Jaime—ignoring all thoughts and rationalities—but tried to restrain herself from totally throwing herself at him.

“I’m sorr,” Cersei murmured, feeling embarrassed that she had been so busy that she wasn’t able to look at her phone. “It’s crazy around this time of the year…and I’m choreographing a stage play.”

Tysha beamed. “Well, then that’s good, isn’t it?” She asked, trying to steer her concern away from her father for a bit so she wouldn’t go crazy.

“Yeah,” Cersei said with a small smile. “It’s been nice. And the director and everyone else had been nice.”

Jaime growled lowly, it was almost inaudible, but she heard it. And it seemed that Tyrion heard it too, as he threw Cersei another questioning look. Cersei shook her head slightly at her Brother, letting her know that she didn’t want to talk about it.

“How’s Father?” Cersei asked now. “He’s okay now,” Tyrion said carefully. “They moved him to a regular room for now. They’re still debating whether or not he needs to be transferred, but they did agree to keep him here for a week, or maybe even longer…”

“He’s okay now though?” Cersei asked again. “Why are they debating over it Tyrion?”

“They’re afraid he’d code,” Tyrion said, pausing a bit as he tried to get the words out. “Again.”

“Again?” Cersei asked, surprised, shocked, and disbelieving.

“He coded twice,” Tyrion said as gently as he could. But really, there was no gentle way in which the news could be delivered.

Cersei felt her knees weaken and give in, just as Jaime’s hand slid down to her waist. He pulled her up, supporting her and letting her rest her weight on him. It dawned on Cersei how close she was to actually losing her Father. the only parent they got right now and Family means a lot to her.

“oh my god,” she whispered, teary . She reached up to wipe them away but Jaime beat her to it and he brushed her tears away.

“Why don’t we all sit down for a minute, hmm, ?” he asked her, already half dragging her to the plastic chair. 

She only nodded at him and let him sit her down. She was still reeling from everything. “Has he been awake at all?” Cersei asked Tyrion.

“Yes,” She replied. “He asked for Jaime and you.”

Cersei sighed. She wasn’t there and that gutted her, but she was here now and as selfish as it sounded—she wanted her father to wake up now. She placed her head on her hands and closed her eyes, just then she heard her Tyrion yawn. She whipped her head to Tyrion general direction.

“You should go home,” Cersei said. “It’s late and you’re tired. I can stay here with him and I’ll give you a call.” She looked at Tysha too. “That goes for you too.” 

Tyrion shook his head.

“No,” Tyrion said. “I could stay, and you and Jaime could go home …you guys travelled.”

“We could stay,” Jaime piped up. He knew that Cersei would want to stay and nothing would dissuade her from doing as such. “Cersei and I can stay and we’ll call you when something happens or if we want to go home and rest…or anything.”

Tyrion looked at Cersei, and then Jaime , before nodding. “Alright then,” he acquiesced. “I’ll bring your things with me then, and you both can stay in my house. 

Both Cersei and Jaime nodded. After a few more minutes of hugs, kisses, and goodbyes, Tyrion And Tysha finally left the hospital. Before leaving however, . Tyrion had managed to weasel out a promise from Cersei first. Some time that week they were going to talk about Jaime

With a sigh, Cersei plopped down on a chair. Jaime followed suit and pulled her closer to him again, letting her bury her nose to the downy soft fabric of his shirt. She felt him drop a kiss on her head.

“Thank you, ba—Jaime,” she murmured. She was about to say baby but she caught herself. The sound of her voice was muffled by the shirt, so she pulled away slightly. “Thanks.”

Jaime nodded, pulling her back. “Don’t worry about it,” he said.

A few minutes later, a young doctor walked out of Tywin’s room and approached them. “Are you here for Tywin Lannister?” Mrs. Lannister right? he asked, looking at Jaime and Cersei.

Cersei nodded. “Yes,” she answered. “I’m his daughter, Cersei Lannister. MS. Cersei Lannister And this is Jaime Lannister.”

If Jaime noticed she emphasis the "MS.", he didn’t let on. He didn’t even flinch.

“Alright, Ms.Lannister, Mr. Lannister,” the young doctor began. “I’m doctor Pycell and I’m Mr. Lannister’s doctor. He seems to be stable now, and there is no need for him to be transferred. We need him to stay here for a few more days though, as he is still under observation, alright?”

Cersei nodded. “Can I see him?” she asked. “Can we see him?”

Doctor Pycell nodded. “Yes you may,” he said. “He’s actually awake right now. Go right in. But be warned, he is hooked to a lot of machines right now because we’re monitoring him…it’s nothing to be alarmed of.”

“Alright,” Cersei said, thanking the doctor and watching then as he walked away.

Jaime tapped her shoulder lightly. “You go right in and I’ll give Tyrion a call first, okay?” he asked.

She nodded and threw her arms around him. She didn’t care what he would think. She didn’t care that there was Brienne in the picture. She didn’t care that she was supposed to moving on. She only knew that Jaime was there, being her support beam, and she was grateful.

“Thank you, Jaime,” she said, smiling. She pulled his head down and kissed him full on the lips, letting her lips hover and move just above his and forcing her tongue to stay well and truly inside her own mouth. He responded to her advances and they stood there, kissing each other’s lips. After a few heartbeats, she let him go, as her face flushed and his too. She wouldn’t explain herself to him, nor would she apologize. She didn’t regret it, anyhow. Quite the contrary, she enjoyed it. But she wouldn’t tell him that. Instead, she smiled at him gratefully, murmured another thanks and then walked inside her father’s room. Her face was burning with the heat, her heart was thundering against her chest, and her legs were wobbly, but she managed.

He might not be in love with her anymore, but she consoled herself with the fact that she scored a kiss. It might seem shallow and childish, but damnit, that kiss was hot.


	36. Chapter 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ps. This is just a filler chapter, to move the story forward. Please bear with me.

Cersei entered her father’s room still feeling a little bit nervous. She didn’t know what she would see, she didn’t know what to expect. She did expect the worst, after all, her father had coded but she still hoped for the better.

“Cersei?” her father asked as he spotted her by the door. He had a smile on his face despite the exhaustion that seemed to manifest even in his eyes. Cersei was happy to note that his speech didn’t seem to be slurred or affected by the heart attack. “What are you doing here? Where's Jaime?” Ofcourse he had to ask Jaime' she thought

Cersei walked over to her father’s side and clasped his hand tightly in hers. She took a seat on his bed gently she really have a teary eyed . She didn’t want to cry in front of her father because she only want to look strong for him, but the tears had already been there before she could stop them.

“Father,” she whispered, her head falling down her father’s shoulder. “I was so worried.”

She felt her father’s shoulder shake slightly and she looked at him to find him chuckling. She frowned.

“I’m fine ,” he said, smiling up at her. “I want to go home.”

“Father,” she protested. “You can’t. Not yet, okay? Doctor’s orders.”

Tywin opened his mouth to protest, but paused as the door opened and Jaime came in, with a slight smile on his face.

“Jaime?” Tywin asked. “Since when are you here ?”

Jaime walked over to his bed and stopped right behind Cersei. He placed his arm around her shoulder and looked at Tywin in concern.

“I was here with Cersei,” Jaime answered. “How are you feeling?”

“He wants to go home,” Cersei answered before her father could. 

She tried not to focus on Jaime’s hand on her shoulder, or the fact that he was standing so close behind her. She was here for her father, not to ask every single thing her estranged husband did.

Jaime frowned. “Hmmm,” he hummed. “You can’t yet, the doctor said you have to stay here for a few days.”

Tywin gave a disgruntled groan.

“Go to sleep Father,” Cersei whispered, watching as his father’s eyes started to droop.

“Hmm,” her father groaned before shutting his eyes and falling asleep.

Cersei sighed and turned around, making Jaime’s hand fall away from her shoulders. “You must be tired,” she told him. “You can go back to Tyrion’s and sleep. It’s too late for you to go back to your house now anyway.”

Jaime stared at her in disbelief. “I came here with you. I am not leaving here without you. And you’re the one to talk. Look at your eyes, you look like you haven’t slept in days.”

She really hadn’t, but she wasn’t going to tell him that.

“I’m okay,” she argued. “I’ll just stay here with Father.”

Jaime looked at her now, plainly disapproving, before sitting down on the cushioned chair beside Tywin’s bed. He tugged on Cersei’s hand, pulling her off the bed and into his lap. He snaked his arms around her waist and snuggled her closer to him, cradling her in his arms, so her nose was buried in his neck.

Cersei wanted nothing more than to bite the exposed flesh of his neck, and suck it in her mouth but she restrained. The thought made her want to climb off his lap and run as far away from him as she could. But as she tried to move away from his grasp, his arms tightened around her. She had no chance of escaping. Fighting him was futile, so she settled against him, snuggling in closer and getting comfortable against him.

“Go to sleep,” he said, placing a kiss on her head, then her cheek and then her nose. 

She looked up at him and placed a kiss on his chin. She knew she was playing a dangerous game and she would end up getting burned and hurt in the end, but she couldn’t help it; couldn’t help herself. This was her husband and she was in love with him, even if she didn’t want to, even if he had asked her not to right now at this very moment she doesn't care about Brienne She'll do as she please.

She placed her hand on his cheek and rubbed gently. “You rest too, okay?” she said, smiling at him. “I know you’re exhausted.”

She let herself do what she wanted to do, she allowed herself to bask in the feeling again,

He nodded. “Okay,” he said as looked down and kissed her chastely on her lips.

She looked at him in shock, but she didn’t say anything.  
She was willing to give herself and claim him hers , even if it was just for this moment. 

Cersei woke up hours later when she felt her phone vibrating inside her pocket. She could feel Jaime’s breath on her neck and thought that maybe, somehow they had exchanged positions in their sleep. Her eyes fluttered open and she yawned before stretching in Jaime’s arms. She was careful not to wake him. She knew, though, through the years of sleeping next to him and waking up with him, that he was a very heavy sleeper. It was always interesting and an adventure to find ways of waking him up quicker every morning. She reached for the phone on her pocket, and tried to get out of his grasp to answer the phone, but his arms tightened around her. As much as she wanted to stay in his arms and ignore the call—whoever it may be—she needed to answer it but she also didn’t want to wake him. 

She tried to leave his arms, again, without waking him up, but his arms were heavy and he was even more uncooperative when he was asleep. She was left with nothing but to wake him up or answer the phone in his arms. She chose the latter, resolving into just whispering so not to wake him.

“Hello,” she whispered softly. 

“Hello, Cersei,” the person from the other line greeted. “I’m sorry, did I wake you?”

Cersei smiled a little, despite her sleepiness. “Hi, Oberyn,” she greeted back. “No, no…well, yeah, sort of, but it’s okay.” She glanced down at Jaime’s wristwatch and her eyes widened. “It’s already eight anyway.”

In her mind’s eye, Cersei could see Oberyn nodding bashfully. She couldn’t help but smile. He was and always had been sweet to her. She knew his intentions, and she didn’t think it was fair to be stringing him along when she knew she didn’t have it in her heart to fall in love again, but he was nice and his attentions was balm to her wounded heart.

“Right,” he said. “How is your Father?”

She had, while on the road with Jaime, left a voice mail to him, explaining her abrupt departure. He was, in any way you look at it, the one who gave her a job after all and he needed the proper reason. She would be leaving for quite some time, and she knew she had to give a valid reason why.

The ultimate reason though, was that she considered him her friend. He had been there from the moment they met, which was also the darkest moment of her life. He had been there, helping her through it, long before he even knew what it was.

“He’s fine,” she whispered. “I don’t know what I had expected to see when we were on our way here, but this isn’t it...”

“Is that…” he hesitated for a moment and then cleared his throat. “That is a good thing right?” He sounded so cautious, it was almost cute.

She giggled, the first one she probably released since she found out about her dad. “Yes, Oberyn, honey, it’s a very good thing. He’s doing great. He’s asking to go home already.” 

Beneath her, she could feel Jaime stirring. His arms tightened around her waist and she let her other hand fall into his arm, and she played with the hair she found there.

“Cersei?” he hummed softly in that lilting voice of his that comforted her.

“Yes?” she asked, still whispering—cautious of Jaime still sleeping beneath her.

“Why are we whispering?” he asked.

She giggled again. “Because there are people still sleeping here somewhere, and I can’t be too loud. I’ll wake them.”

“Is Jaime still there?” he asked, almost half afraid of her answer. He knew she was still in love with him, with her husband, and he was ready for the competition. He still wished, however, that there wasn’t any more competition other than Jaime being in her heart. In a few months, granted that he could help her to, she would be able to move on from Jaime. But if Jaime would always be there, guarding her, then there was no chance of Cersei moving on, until Jaime actually stops reeling her in with his thread.

“Jaime?” Cersei asked in a whisper. She didn’t know what to say. She knew that neither of the two men had a hold on her. She was allowed to do whatever the hell she wanted. Just as she whispered his name, she felt Jaime press a kiss against her nape, trailing down to her shoulder blades. Her eyes widened. She had been in a situation quite like this before—with Jaime pressing kisses where he wanted on her body as she talked on the phone, and not once did it bother her…not even when she was on the phone with her mother or father. No, it never bothered her until now. “Jaime,” she hissed to Jaime, himself, this time, trying to get him to stop. When he started lining kisses on her neck, however, she didn’t know whether she still wanted him to stop. A moan escaped her lips, despite herself.

“I guess that answers my question,” Oberyn said, a hint of disappointment tinting his voice. He shouldn’t be like this. He knew all along that Jaime still had Cersei’s heart and that it was still such a short time for Cersei to actually move on from a years of marriage. But he had hoped. He had hoped that he had been able to change her somehow, help her in a way. They did say, though, that with hope comes disappointment. “I should go…I need to go to the studio anyway.”

“No, wait, Oberyn, honey, I’m sorry,” she said, as she pushed Jaime’s lips away from her skin. She tried to get up from his arms, but he wouldn’t let her. She heard Jaime growl lowly, so low that she wasn’t even sure if she heard him or she was imagining it. “I’m so sorry.”

“What for, Cersei?” Oberyn asked her, and she couldn’t answer. She didn’t know what to say, Oberyn knew, but still he was thankful for the apology.

“I don’t know…I,” she paused, thinking why she was apologizing. For moaning when her supposed estranged husband started kissing her neck? Well she wasn’t entirely sorry for that. Maybe sorry that Oberyn had to hear? Maybe, especially since she knew what his intentions with her were.

“It’s okay,” he said. Cersei wondered if he was smiling at her in that soft, almost indulgent way of his, and he was. “It’s okay. I’ll let you go. I’ll call you later, okay?” He swallowed the envy he felt of Jaime right now, who was undoubtedly holding Cersei close, despite the fact that he had given her up. “Or you can call me whenever you want or need to talk.”

She smiled. She was right. He was sweet. “Yes,” she said. “Thank you. I appreciate it.”

“You’re welcome, ,” he said. “Have a good morning. I’ll see you when you get back.”

“Alright,” she said. “Good morning to you too. Bye.”

“Bye.” And then he hung up.

Cersei put her phone down and turned around in Jaime’s arms. He didn’t speak, didn’t even make any sound but held her close. She was grateful that he didn’t ask anything. She wouldn’t be able to answer anyway, and she didn’t actually want to. In the most twisted way, she felt guilty, like she was cheating on him when the truth was he was the one who cheated here. It was awkward, having to take that call in his arms, and if she had to live again, she never ever wanted to relieve that moment ever.

Cersei rested against Jaime’s chest, but sat up again when she felt herself getting nauseous though she wasn’t sure why. It could be a number of reasons really, but she chalked it up to the stress that was brought about by her phone call and Jaime, and everything around her. She buried her face in Jaime’s chest then, willing the wave of nausea pass. Jaime rubbing her back as she cuddled up to him was an enormous help, anyhow.

“Good morning,” Tyrion called as he entered the room, coffee in his hand, and oblivious to the undercurrents in the room. he stopped dead on his tracks as he spotted Cersei cuddled in Jaime’s arms, however, and gasped. 

Jaime and Cersei had been too absorbed in their own thoughts, in their own little world that they hadn’t heard the door creaking and Tyrion's coming in.

Cersei looked at him, looking a lot like it's nothing bothers her like it's just a normal. although She didn’t know what to say, or if there was anything to say at the moment. She leaped out of Jaime’s arms, and Jaime almost instantly let her go. 

“Tyrion,” Cersei said, trying not to let the hotness and embarrassment creep to her cheeks. “Good morning.” he pointed to their father who lay in bed, asleep, and blissfully unaware of what was happening in his room. “Dad is still asleep.”

Tyrion nodded, looking at her brother curiously. “Can we talk then, for a moment?” he asked, handing Jaime a cup of coffee, as well as Cersei. “Can I borrow her, Jaime, for a second?”

Jaime shook his head no.

Cersei looked at him and hesitated, knowing what was coming. She didn’t want to talk, didn’t want to delve in deeper into the feeling she was trying to suppress and not overanalyze or evaluate. She didn’t even want to acknowledge it. But her brother would always be a nossy one, and if he didn’t get it out of her now, he would, someday, soon, one way or the other. Cersei then nodded and led her brother outside—away from Jaime’s earshot.

“What?” Cersei asked as her brother stared at her resolutely. She knew why, but she wasn’t going to be the first one to talk.

“Don’t what me,” Tyrion said. “You know why we’re here and what we’re supposed to be talking about.”

Cersei wanted to say that if there was anyone who needed to talk, it was her and Jaime, but she held her tongue. 

“You’re the one who called him to call me and told him about Father,” Cersei pointed out defensively. “I wasn’t the one who reached out to him.”

Tyrion looked at her wide eyed of course he's our brother and i can't contact you. “Yes, I admit to having done that,” Tyrion said. “But I didn’t exactly expect that I would find you in all cuddled up in his arms this morning.” in the same room as father ,Tyrion paused a little, letting his words sink into his sister’s head. “Im not saying I don’t like what I saw. you know I want for both of you to work things out too, But maybe its not the time for now? I’ve thought about doing something for both of you to work things out at first. but lately after a lot of thinking I kind of feel like it’s better this way.... Im just making it really hard for both of you to move on and I don’t want to see both if you getting more hurt by the situation and ruin the only relationship we all have with each other.

“I didn’t expect any of this either, to be honest, Tyrion,” she admitted, looking down at her cup. She fiddled with it for a second, feeling restless. She didn’t like talking about this.

“Are you guys getting back together?” Tyrion asked cautiously.

Cersei closed her eyes and shook her head. “No,” she answered honestly. “As far as I know he’s not really running right back in my arms. and I don't think i have any plans either i just want to enjoy the moment i guess?

“Then what is this? What are you doing?”

“Damned if I know,” she said. She really didn’t know what was happening. Last time they talked, he was still madly in love with his girlfriend and she was still being discarded. There wasn’t any change.

And so far, she didn’t want to dissect everything that has happened since yesterday because she knew she would come up now, but Tyrion was making her do it and it was now getting overwhelming.

“Hey,” Tyrion said, softly this time. “Are you…Do you even know what you’re doing?”

No, she didn’t. With Jaime, she never actually knows. “I…I don’t,” she answered. She might as well answer honestly. “I don’t even know what I’m doing, or what is happening or where we’re heading. All I know is right now, his arms are still the safest place to be for me. And I damn well hate myself for being weak, for letting him get through me again when I swore I would never…I hate it. I hate him. But I hate myself even more for loving him when I’m supposed to hate him.”

“Cersei,” Tyrion whispered as he pulled her sister in for a hug. There was no consoling a broken heart. “I’m sorry you have to go through this. I really am. You don’t deserve it…and I’m sure that it means nothing now…that words are hollow and empty. But…but I’m here, okay? And I only ever want you to be careful.” His arms tightened around his sister.

Cersei nodded, unable to say anything else. Words were hollow, but as she felt his brother’s arms tighten around her…words weren’t so hollow anymore. Words didn’t seem so empty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, that was such a lousy chapter. Review anyway? I feel like less and less people are reading this :( Is the story still interesting? should I continue this is it worth it?


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's another filler chapter to move us along a bit. :)) 
> 
> Enjoy!

One week later, Cersei found herself thrust back in her place unceremoniously. Jaime had been true to his word, and he hadn’t left The Hispital without her. He stayed with her for a week, and had dropped her off in her house, with an offer to stay with her one more day just for the transition. She had declined. She didn’t want any more intimate moments with him, like the first night in the hospital. They didn’t have any more, either. She made sure of that. She made sure that she was as far as she was from him, sometimes physically, but even more so emotionally. She had to be careful. In the end, she was going to end up alone. He was going to leave her and she would realize that it had been nice but not at all real. 

Cersei didn’t want to overanalyze everything anymore. Right now, all she knew was that, her husband was leaving and she was as busy as she ever could. For now that was enough. It had to be enough. If she tried to think more, tried to understand more, she would implode.

She decided, on that beautiful Saturday, to stay at home and watch a movie, bundled up in her blanket. She used to spend evenings like those with Jaime, but he was now gone—as if it needed more emphasis—and she had to do it alone. She thought she needed a time out from all the thinking she had been doing.

But even more that just that, she needed time to physically rest. The past few days, weeks, had been stressful for her and she had shown. Her week in San Fernando had consisted trying to keep from her family how tired she was, how she was constantly nauseous, how she almost always had headache, how she had an on and off fever running, and the like. She didn’t want them to worry, so she had kept it to herself. But if she was being honest with herself, she knew it was because she had been, either intentionally or unintentionally, neglecting herself too.

She needed time for herself.

But, of course, that was not meant to be, as her doorbell buzzed and she was interrupted from her musings. She was in that wonderful state of being asleep and being awake, just crossing over to a slumber. Shaking her head and glancing at the clock, she scoffed. It was eight in the evening. Who could be visiting her at this time of the night? Besides, those who could possibly have reason to visit her at this time knew the code to her gate. 

Beside her, her cell phone rang. She picked it up with a great amount of lethargy and placed it next to her ear. “Hello,” she said sleepily, fighting off a yawn.

“Cersei?” the caller said with trepidation. “Did I wake you?”

“Oberyn?” she asked, sounding surprised. It was not the first time in this week that he had called her; not the first time since her father had a heart attack anyway. “No…yeah…it doesn’t matter.”

“I’m sorry,” he said. “But I’m at your gate. Do you think I should just go?”

Cersei didn’t know how to react or what to say at the moment, and she stared off the distance, thinking. She was tired, that was true, but he was there now. “No, no,” she decided. “I’ll buzz you in.” 

And she did.

When he climbed off his car and walked to her front steps, she was looking at her with an apologetic expression. She smiled at him and waved him. 

“I’m sorry,” he said again. “I didn’t mean to disturb you.”

She shook her head. “I wasn’t doing anything, just lounging on my couch, getting ready for bed,” she said, looking down at her pyjama clad self. Maybe, she ought to go get changed. He nodded. “What brought you here, and how do you even know my house?”

He smiled shyly now, and looked down for a second. “I called your office today, because I needed you to approve the use of some jewellery…but Margaery said you were sick. I wanted to get here sooner but we had a production meeting, and well, I didn’t know the way to your house so I had to ask.”

Cersei felt her heart flutter a bit. He was such a nice man, and it was obvious that he cared for her. Alarm bells were going off in her head, warning her, but she shut them out. There was nothing to be concerned of right at the moment. Besides, as selfish as it sounded, she didn’t mind being doted on as much. At least, she knew someone cared. Also, she cared about him a great deal…she’d come to care for him. After all, they were friends.

“Thank you,” she said. “That’s so kind of you.”

He nodded, smiling shyly again at her, making her muse about how adorable he was.

“Oh, and please don’t think of this as one of my advances,” he said, clearly knowing instinctively that it would come popping in her brain after he had stated his intentions to her. “I just…”

“I understand,” she said, saving him the embarrassment of having to explain himself.

With a smile, she led him to the den and made him seat on the couch and get comfortable. She told him that she was just going to change into less frumpy clothes and join him in a moment. He nodded and took a seat, eyeing her house in wonder. When she came back down, she found him sitting on her couch, just right where he was before she left. Dressed now in a pair of lounge pants and a t-shirt, she smiled up at him and took a seat across him.

“So,” she began, looking at him in wonder.

“So,” he mimicked. She was dressed in the most casual clothes but she still was gorgeous to him. “I, uh, brought you some soup.” He showed her the plastic container wrapped in a paper bag.

“Oh,” she said, surprised. “Wow, um, thanks.” She looked at the paper bag and then him. “Maybe we ought to eat that in the kitchen. Did you have dinner?” She stood up, as she said this, and walked to the kitchen, letting him follow her.

“Uh, no, I haven’t,” he replied. “I was planning to just check up on you, leave the soup, and go eat in my house.”

Cersei shook her head vehemently. “We can order take out for you,” she said. “You eat here with me, okay? You must be starving.”

“No, it’s okay darling,” he said. “It’s fine, I’m fine. I don’t want to bother you anymore than I had to.”

“Nonsense,” she said. “You will eat here. Now let me go find that menu. I know we kept it here somewhere.” She started rummaging through drawers, only then realizing that it had been such a long time since she actually had eaten takeouts in her own house. She used to eat takeout dinners with Jaime when they would come home late or maybe too lazy to even cook. He was always the one who placed the order while she did something or the other…he always knew what he wanted. But he wasn’t here now.

“No, it’s okay, Cersei,” Oberyn said, making her turn towards him. “I ordered takeout before I came here, you know…while I ordered your soup.”

“Oh,” she said. So he really intended to just check up on her. “Well, then you better get your food and come back.”

He nodded and made his way out the door as she prepared the utensils they were going to use. He came back a few minutes later, food in hand. Cersei helped him transfer it to the plates and they sat across each other on the table. There was a companionable silence between them, and Cersei liked that. It felt like it had been ages since she shared that someone. And probably, it had been ages. She couldn’t even remember the last time she shared it with her husband. They probably were falling apart, meaning to be over, before she even realized what was happening.

“Cersei?” Oberyn asked, waving a hand in front of her face.

“Yeah?” she asked, looking at him with a confused expression.

“You’re barely eating your soup,” he said. “And you’ve zoned out.”

She blushed. “I’m sorry,” she said shyly. “I was just thinking.”

He nodded. “It’s okay,” he said. “No need to be sorry, you just eat.” He smiled at her.

She started eating again, while watching him. She didn’t know whether she was going to be annoyed or endeared that he reminded her so much of Jaime. She thought, at first, that it had only been because she was still recovering from her woes of being the discarded wife, but now she could see how truly alike Jaime and Oberyn were. Their physiques were quite different, as Oberyn was so much taller than Jaime and much more lean built. Oberyn also had a tanner skin color than Jaime. And while Jaime had that roguish, They were so different yet the same, it was mad. It was complex in a way that explanations preceded her.

“Do I have dirt on my face?” Oberyn asked her after swallowing the bit of food in his mouth. 

“What?” Cersei asked him, startled. She was, yet again, snapped out of her reverie.

“Do I have dirt on my face?” he asked a second time. “Because you were staring at me so intensely, you’re uh, um, giving me a complex.”

She giggled, the sound coming off as weird as her nose was a bit clogged. “I’m sorry,” she said. “No, you don’t have dirt on your face. I was just thinking.”

“Of me?” he asked, almost afraid of the answer. He could see that she, too, was afraid of the answer. And he knew, without asking, what it was. “Or him?”

She looked down, ashamed. There weren’t words. Oberyn wasn’t dense, nor was he blind. He’d have read it on her face. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. It seemed as though her tears had waged a war on her though, as they demanded to be let loose, betraying her will not to cry in front of Oberyn; well actually, not to cry anymore, ever, period.

Oberyn sighed quietly. He couldn’t blame her, no he couldn’t. He didn’t have the right to. And furthermore, he didn’t have a reason to. What she was doing, what she was feeling was clearly and completely normal under the circumstances. 

“It’s alright, I understand,” he said.

She sighed angrily and wiped the errant, stray tears that streamed down her cheeks. “I just wish I did too,” she exclaimed angrily. “I wish I understood how and why he could leave just like that, why I can’t fucking move on, why the hell I’m still crying over the man who broke my heart into million pieces, and why, why despite the fact that he had broken my heart, broken me—why on earth am I still in love with him?”

Oberyn wished he could close his ears to the words he didn’t want to hear. He had told himself that he was ready to take what Cersei was willing to give, because he cared, because he loved her. Even he would be the first to admit that he wasn’t quite in love with her yet, but she had a hold in his heart in a way that he knew would be dangerous—should he not be careful to bring his guards up. There was every possibility in the world that she would reject him, that she and her husband would reconcile, that she would, in the end, move on but fall in love with someone else—and he was prepared for all that. He was prepared to take what was coming his way. But every day, as she cries, as she breaks, as she smiles, and as she breathes, she crumbled his walls bit by bit. It scared him, and it scares him now, but he knew he couldn’t do anything about it.

“It’s that way with love, Cersei,” he said, coming around the table to kneel in front of her. He took her hands in his and then tilted her chin so she would look at him. “When you love, there is every bit of danger that comes with it. The danger of falling, and then breaking…you know how it is…” She nodded slightly, and for him, it was a good sign, as she was listening to him. “And it’s inevitable…but you need to remind yourself that…you need to remind yourself that no matter how tired you are of being strong, you have to push on and bring out the strength inside you. Breathing hurts, I know. Everything hurts, but like every wound, it heals. It gets better. You just have to work on it.” He smiled at her now as his hands rubbed circles on her hands.

“Thank you,” she whispered. “Thank you…for being here.”

He smiled and pulled her up into a hug. “I don’t want to be anywhere else.”

She looked straight in his eyes, trying to gauge his sincerity. She did know, as it always was in the back of her mind, what Oberyn wanted from her. She knew what his intentions were, and there was a very little possibility she would forget it. He was, she decided, sincere about wanting to be there for her. She thought of herself, had the roles been reversed, and how she would react to this; to the fact that she was there now, but she really was not, in the other sense of being present. She would have been annoyed, yes, but the urge to be there for her friend would probably overthrow the annoyance. She would have liked to be there for her friend, and if she, like Oberyn, wanted more than friendship, as painful as it would have been, she would stay. She was, once before, in the exact same position as Oberyn was with her right now. It hadn’t been easy, and she knew how he felt, how he feels right now, and she could feel for him, sympathize even. But it didn’t and it doesn’t make her feeling appear for him, out of the blue.

She knew that no matter how many years would pass, she wouldn’t love anyone as much as she loved her husband. Jaime was different. There was no way she could love the same way again. It wasn’t only out of the fear that loving somebody else would harbor the same results, but it was more like she had given Jaime her everything, and she hadn’t had anything left to give.

She closed her eyes, trying to focus, and bit her lip, worrying it the way she had been for the past few weeks, months even. No sooner than she had released her lips, she felt a different pair of lips take over and press warmly over her own. Her eyes popped open, and she found herself face to face with Oberyn. Her brain told her to push him away, to tell him to stop, that she wasn’t ready for this. But she didn’t do any of the above, and instead, she stayed, unmoving. She wasn’t really kissing him back, and his lips weren’t really moving. The kiss was just more comforting than anything. She tried to imagine her life, if she did give Oberyn that chance, but she couldn’t. The kiss promised comfort rather than many passion-filled nights. Was that the problem: That she imagined a relationship with him, but it was strictly platonic and nothing more?

Why was this kiss more warm and comforting than heart racing and arousing, which it should be? Was she so heartbroken that she became numb to feelings?

She thought back to the times she had kissed Jaime long before they started dating. Jaime had always kissed her, right on the corner of her mouth. It was very near her lips, but not quite. Those kisses would send her pulse racing and her heart hammering in her chest. She and Jaime had sexual tension, she realized. She knew it then, but the sudden remembrance of such a fact still took her aback. 

Where did that sexual tension go?

She tried to analyze what she was feeling now. She knew she had something with Oberyn too, she felt it. She knew there was something special between them, she couldn’t deny that. But she also wondered if it was only just because of her loneliness that she thought it. Oberyn was there, comforting and a steady shoulder to lean on—perhaps she had misread her own emotions? She knew that she couldn’t fall in love again, after Jaime, but was there a chance that she could love Oberyn?

But she did love Oberyn, she thought. She loved him—all things considered, she realized she loved him. She loved him as a friend. He was there in the darkest hours of her life, helping her, cheering her up.

But did she see herself loving him more than she did now? Was she stringing him along? She didn’t know. It was all too blurry for her. She didn’t know what was going on with her.

When Oberyn’s lips started moving over hers, she pulled away. The kiss had gone long enough. She didn’t want him to think it was more than it was, and she didn’t want him to think of things she wasn’t ready to let him think. If she was being honest with herself, she didn’t even know what to think anymore.

“I’m sorry,” Oberyn said, as he stood up and righted himself. He looked embarrassed, and Cersei felt bad. “It was just when you closed your eyes…and your lips…and I couldn’t…”

Cersei chuckled, easing his nerves, and probably hers too. “No, don’t be sorry,” she said. “I’m sorry.”

Oberyn shook his head. “No, I was the one who took you off guard,” he argued.

Cersei smiled. “I didn’t do anything to stop you either, when I should have…” She watched as Oberyn’s face fell a little more and she cleared her throat. “It doesn’t matter.” 

Oberyn shook his head in the affirmative, and stood there, feeling like a world class heel, and not knowing what to do. 

“Thanks for the soup,” Cersei said, gesturing towards the table. “I appreciate you coming down to check up on me.”

“It was nothing Cersei,” he said. “You’ve been sick for a while now, and I just…I want you to get better. It isn’t exactly easy to be sick especially…” he trailed off, not wanting to hurt her feelings or rub it in her face.

“When you’re all alone,” she finished for him. She smiled, more because she didn’t want to let that overwhelm her rather than because she wanted to smile. “It’s okay. I’m alone, you can say it. It isn’t a dirty word.”

“You’re not alone, Cersei,” he said, reaching out to take her hand in his. He touched her, tentatively, not wanting to repulse her but wanting to touch her all the same. “You’re never alone.”

“Thank you, Oberyn,” she said, squeezing his hand and pulling hers away. 

“It’s late,” he said quietly after a few beats of silence. “I should let you have your rest. Do you need me to clean up?”

Cersei shook her head no. “No,” she said. “I’ll handle it. It isn’t much. I’ll just leave them in the dishwasher.”

“Are you sure?” he asked, feeling bad that she had to clean up when she was sick.

“Yes,” she laughed softly. “I rather had enough excitement for today, Oberyn.”

“Well, alright then.” Oberyn nodded and smiled. “Thank you,” he said, not really knowing why he was thanking her specifically. “For tonight, I mean.”

“You’re welcome,” she said, as she led him to the door. “Thank you, too.”

She stood by her door as Oberyn climbed in his car and gave him a wave as he backed his car away from her drive way. She watched his car disappear into the darkness of the night and sighed when he was out of line of sight. She only knew one thing.

This night needed to be Over


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m really busy lately, This isn't exactly a pick me up chapter, but hey, I updated!

The sun was shining and the skies were as clear as it could ever be, despite the fact that it was winter. There was a chill in the air, albeit only a little. Cersei knew she would have enjoyed it, had she not been sick. She was sick, for two weeks in a row now. Even Oberyn’s soup did nothing to her ongoing cold. Oberyn and Margaery, among many other people, had begged her to go to the doctor but she disagreed vehemently. She was not going to the doctors just because of some stupid flu. If she was being honest with herself, being sick actually gave her the excuse to be lazy and give herself a break. Yes, she was having rests and it usually led to a lot of day dreaming and self loathing, but they were few and far in between. She was almost always asleep.

Cersei rolled over to her side, and looked outside the window. She wanted to go out, to feel the wind against her skin, but she had a marching band residing in her skull, and she couldn’t for the life of her, get up. Her housekeeper had checked up on her and brought her food and medicine, but that did little to dull the pain. In her fuzzy state, she could hear a song ‘Someone Like You’. She chuckled, thinking how she would offer that song to Jaime if he ever got married with Brienne, but the thought brought sadness, and her laughter quickly tapered off. With a quick shake of her head and a long sigh, she let her eyes fall shut, sleep taking over her body.

When she woke up again later, it was because there was a cold, clammy hand touching her forehead. She opened her eyes and adjusted her eyes to the darkness, before recognizing the face attached to the hand.

“Bernadette?” she asked her housekeeper whose face was mask of worry. “What are you still doing here, sweetie? It’s late.”

“It’s seven pm ma’am,” Bernadette answered softly. “I’m just about to go home. But I wanted to check up on you first before I go.”

Cersei smiled. “I’m feeling better, actually,” she said. “Starving, I’m starving, but fine.”

Bernadette nodded. “Um, you have dinner waiting for you downstairs,” Bernadette said. “Do you want me to send it up, before I leave?”

Cersei shook her head and she tried to sit up on her bed. Bernadette helped her a bit, and she gave her a small, grateful smile. “It’s okay,” she told Bernadette. “I can handle it. You shouldn’t have bothered, you know.”

Bernadette smiled at her. “I wouldn’t have minded cooking for you, Ms. Cersei,” Bernadette said, grinning softly. “But I actually didn’t have to.”

“What?” Cersei asked, confused.

“You have take-out for dinner, Ma’am,” Bernadette replied. “With a handsome man on the side.”

Cersei’s eyebrows furrowed. “What do you mean?” she asked again, now feeling lost. Was Oberyn there again? Or maybe one of her friends?

“Mr. Jaime came here with dinner for you.”

That threw her out of loop. Cersei sat there, speechless, watching Bernadette’s expectant, hopeful face. She knew what must be going through Bernadette’s brain, and it wasn’t even true. She didn’t know why Jaime was there, and how the hell he knew that she was sick, but she knew there were no hopes of reconciliation for the both of them. She’d be a fool to even think that these small gestures meant that he was coming back. “Would you help me?” Cersei asked. “To go down, I mean?”

Bernadette nodded and helped Cersei get to the kitchen where Jaime was, preparing her dinner on a tray. It seemed like he intended that she had dinner in bed.

“Jaime?” she asked softly, startling him a bit. Bernadette stood by her side, helping her up as she was still too weak and dizzy to be standing up without help. “What are you doing here?”

“Hello to you, too, Cersei,” he chided, rushing to her side and helping her to a chair. “I came to bring you dinner, and relieve Bernadette from nursing duties.”

Bernadette, who now stood at the far corner of the kitchen, waiting to be sent off, smiled at Cersei. “I need to get going, Ma’am, Sir,” she said. 

Cersei nodded, although that seemed to just add to the pain in her head. “Of course,” she said. “It’s late. You go. Drive safely.”

Bernadette nodded, bid her final goodbyes and disappeared to the hall. They heard the door shutting, and then Bernadette’s car roaring to life before it got quiet again.

“You didn’t have to do this,” Cersei told him after a few minutes of silence. “I’m fine.”

Jaime smirked at her. “The redness in your eyes, the puffiness, your nose being clogged making you sniff every five seconds and the pallor of your skin suggests otherwise, Cersei,” he said.

“Gee thanks,” she said sarcastically, feeling self conscious. She smoothed her hand over her hair and rolled her eyes at him. “You sure do know how to flatter a girl.”

Jaime laughed. “I landed you, didn’t I?” he asked.

Cersei stared at him, unamused, and his laughter seemed to peter out. She shook her head. “Jaime, I…” she trailed off a bit, not really knowing what to say. “What are you really doing here? And who told you that I was sick?”

“I’m here because you are sick,” he answered while he lifted the bowl of soup and placed it in front of her. He took the seat next to her and placed a plate in front of him. “Margaery told me.”

“Margaery?” she asked incredulously, as she watched him stir the bowl of soup. “You’re talking to her? So what now? You’re bff’s with her?”

Jaime chuckled a bit. “Yes, I talked with your best friend. I couldn’t reach your phone so I ask her to ask you about Father, and she said that I shouldn’t worry about Him, he was doing fine according to you. She mentioned that she was worried of you, because you have been sick as a dog for two weeks now. You told me you were fine, Cersei.” He lifted the spoon near his lips and blew a little bit, making sure it wasn’t too hot for her. He raised it to her lips, looking at her expectantly.

She wanted to smack him across the face, wanted to turn that soup all over his lap but refrained herself. It seemed that she always turned a little bit Neanderthal whenever Jaime was concerned. Why couldn’t he just leave her alone, for crying out loud? 

“I can feed myself,” she said, turning her head away from the spoon. “And I don’t care what she told you, or what she had implied. I don’t want or need to be taken care of, least of all by you.” She wanted to stand up but she could not, she was far too weak. “Give your over active conscience a fucking rest. I’m not helpless and defenseless, Jaime.”

Jaime looked at her crossly but he sat back and tried to get himself to calm. Fighting with her would get them both to nowhere. “Eat your dinner Cersei, and stop whining.”

Cersei looked at him like he was stupid. Maybe, he was. “Do not treat me like a child!” she said loudly. “I am not a child, Jaime!”

“Well you’re definitely acting like one,” he fired back. 

Cersei’s fist clenched on their own accord and it was all she could do not to scream at him or throw things at him, although he did deserve it. “Get the fuck out of my house now Jaime,” she said angrily. She looked at Jaime, like she wanted to bury him then and there. He didn’t have the right to march into her house and accuse her of acting a child. Oh no, she drew the line there.

“I am not leaving until you eat half of that soup sweetheart,” he said firmly. “No matter how much you hate it, I am staying here. And you will eat that soup.”

She rolled her eyes. She hated him. She hated him for barging in on her house like this, telling her what to do. But she hated herself more—for being weak enough and following what he said anyway. Begrudgingly, she ate her soup, while he ate his dinner, right beside her—like he had done so many, many times before. When she had finished a reasonable amount, and she thought it was reasonable as her stomach simply could not take anymore, she pushed the bowl away and looked at him expectantly.

“What?” he asked her, feeling a bit conscious. He pushed his own plate and looked back at her. 

Cersei tried not to focus on his pectorals that his tight black t-shirt showed off, or his chest, or any part of him really. She tried not to notice his face, looking as handsome as ever, regardless of the gaunt look that seemed to reside in it. She tried to stay mad, but his cologne wafted to her nose, and she forgot what she was even thinking at the moment.

“Cersei?” he said, chuckling a bit. His laugh had a bit of uncertainty lacing through it, and he wondered if she could see through it.

“Well, I’m done,” she said, snapping out of it. “Shouldn’t you leave now?”

His face fell a little, and although he tried to hide it, Cersei saw it. She was surprised, but she didn’t want to embarrass him. She raised her eyebrow, then.

“I’ll need to clean up first before I leave,” he said, standing up and gathering the plates. “Then help you get to bed safely, and then I’ll go. Unless you’re expecting someone,” he added as he walked to the sink.

She heard the water start and she let that be the background as she started thinking. “Jaime?” she asked hesitantly. She wondered if she should ask him, but when she heard him ask ‘what’ softly, humming it, the words were out of her lips before she could stop them. “Did you send me flowers? On the night of the fall production?” The water stopped, and she watched Jaime’s back turn rigid. She held her breath, and waited for his answer.

“I didn’t,” he said, his hands returning to washing the dishes, and his back remained to her.

“Oh,” she said, disappointed. She knew she shouldn’t have thought it so, but a part of her expected something, anything from him.

“I didn’t send you flowers, Cersei,” he said, as he turned to look at her. He leaned against the sink and dried his hands off. He was looking at her, and she met his gaze. “I brought them in myself.”

Cersei gasped, softly but sharply. Her interns had been right. “Y-you were there?” she asked. “You watched?”

He nodded silently, his gaze dropping down to the floor. He didn’t know what to say, and neither did she.

“Why?” she asked, when she finally found the right word and her voice.

“I wanted to know,” he said vaguely, his gaze still on the floor.

“Wanted to know what?” she asked. Did he want to know the set design? The choreography? What? What did he want to know?

“I wanted to know if I was right,” he said. He paused for a bit and she almost wanted to ask him again, and she would have had done it, had he took a bit longer to speak. But he did speak, at last. “I wanted to know if I was right about leaving you.”

Cersei gasped. Her heart raced and plummeted down and rocketed up against her chest. She wanted to know the answer, in the worst way, but at the same time she didn’t want to know. “And?” she asked, anyway, feeling a little bit foolish now. “And?”

A part of her that if he had thought it wasn’t right, then he would have been in her arms right now. But he wasn’t, and she could feel her heart sink back into her stomach. She was stupid to think that he had a change of heart. If it didn’t happen then, it wouldn’t happen now. What he was doing right now, taking care of her and all those chivalrous actions, were all just charity work.

She watched him swallow uneasily, his shoulders tensed and his eyes scanning the room as if looking for the easiest way. He was so uncomfortable, it was almost comical. “Don’t answer that,” she said then, shaking her head. She wasn’t going to cry, not now, not here and not yet. 

She realized then and there, as he exhaled like the weight of the world had been lifted from his shoulders, that she had truly, utterly lost him. He wasn’t hers anymore, never would be. The realization brought fresh tears in her eyes but she fought them back.

It was then that she realized that she had really lost him. That she needed to get a move on, because she was holding on to nothing but thin air. He was far gone out of her reach. She’d cry about it—yes she definitely would—but not now. She would, later, in the arms of darkness and the comfort of silence, let the tears spill and her heart bleed out.

*

The next day, Cersei rolled over the bed and called Margaery. Jaime had left late last night, after he put her to bed, and she didn’t have the chance to call Margaery and berate her. She had the opportunity now, and she would damn well take it. She reached for her phone on the night stand, knocking over the calendar on the process. Ignoring it, she dialed her best friend, who mercifully picked up after the second ring.

“How dare you instigate something between me and Jaime?” Cersei ranted, not bothering with the formalities and pleasantries. She was so pissed off, it wasn’t even funny.

“Hold up, Lioness,” Margaery said, chuckling. “What did I do now?”

“You told Jaime you were worried about me to make him check up on me!” she answered hotly. “I am fine. I don’t need checking up. And Iam going to the doctors later.”

“Alright okay, good for you for finally making an appointment with a doctor,” Margaery said. “But I really am genuinely worried about you and when I mentioned it to Jaime, I sure as hell wasn’t trying to instigate or start or insinuate anything!”

Cersei sighed. She was mad, frustrated, but she didn’t and shouldn’t have to take it out on her sister. She didn’t even know anymore what and who and why she was mad anymore.

“What if something serious Cersei?” Margaery asked, her concern obvious even through the phone. “I’m just worried. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” she said. “I’m sorry for jumping on you. It’s probably nothing though. I’m probably just going through something…like a flu or something…or fatigue.”

“Are you sure?” Margaery asked.

“Yeah,” Cersei said, trying her best to reassure her . It was the least she could do. “I mean I’m probably just tired…So tired that I even missed…” She gasped, a sudden realization dawning in her. “Oh My God!” She exclaimed it so loudly that it sent Margaery into sheer panic mode. Cersei couldn’t help as she was in the exact mode herself.

“What? Cersei?” Margaery asked, worriedly. “You missed what?”

“I missed my period, Margaery,” Cersei said softly. “Last month, and I’m late right now…” She trailed off, wondering if it could really be.

“Well, you must be really tired then,” Margaery said, chuckling a bit. She thought it was something serious. It was quite possible, anyway. Besides, her Best friend couldn’t possibly be pregnant now—not without Jaime or any man, really, who would play a vital role in that scenario.

On the other side, despite the fact that Margaery couldn’t see her, Cersei shook her head. Tears pressed against her eyes and threatened to fall out. She tried to hold it in, as she sniffed and tried to hold it together. “Two months ago, Jaime and I had sex,” she confessed to her. Her hand fell to her stomach as she closed her eyes and she heard Margaery surprised gasp from the other line.


	39. Chapter 39

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi you guys It’s been a while :) okay lets get this moving ... Please review :)

Cersei’s mind was screaming, and physically, she, too, wanted to scream, but her throat felt dry and her tongue felt like it was too short for her to speak. She looked down at her hands and watched them shake and tremble. She couldn’t deal with this. Not now. And not on top of everything else that had been happening around and to her lately. 

There must be some kind of a way to turn back time somehow. She needed to just get back to the point where this all started and fix it, and she wouldn’t be in this state. But she knew it wasn’t going to happen. There were no time machines, spells, special clocks to help her. This was her reality, and reality was, whatever was being thrown her way, she was going to have to deal with.

“God,” she whispered, unable to say anything else, or think of anything else. There was nothing else to say, anyway. Her hands clenched and she dug it at her legs, forcing herself to do something—move, stand, pace, anything other than this abysmal feeling of her nerves being in full tension like she was some kind of rubber being stretched to her very limit.

Pushing herself up from the toilet, she walked toward the trash bin at the very far corner of the room. Silently wiping her tears away, she stepped on the little pedal to get the lid to open, tossing in the little white stick inside. She’s still yet to decide if it indicating positive was a good thing or not.

She strolled in her doctor’s office at exactly two in the afternoon with apprehension. She could feel her stomach being in knots whilst something inside her was doing cartwheels and back flips. She could still feel her hands and legs shaking, and she was sure that it wasn’t because of the cup of coffee she had that morning. A part of her wanted to know, and the other half argued that she was better off not knowing. She had been in this situation far too many times to count. She knew better than to hope.

But was it really hope fluttering inside of her—and not dread? Dread that she might borne a child in this world without a father, as its father chose instead to be with a woman half his age?

Shaking her head at her own desolate thoughts, she continued to walk the small way to—her general physician—office from the lobby with a determination in her stride that she didn’t really actually feel at the moment. 

This is going to be a long walk, she told herself. But, really, it wasn’t long enough for she found herself sitting on one of those abysmal plastic blue chairs outside Doctors office. She waited for her doctors assistant nurse, to call her name as she fidgeted with the hemline of her dress. She couldn’t decide whether or not she wanted all of this to be over and for her to know the results already.

“Mrs. Lannister?” Nurse said with a smile as she ushered an ecstatic couple out of the room. “Dr. Qyburn is ready for you, Ma’am.” The twenty something year old redhead held the door open for her.

She stood up and from her seat, trembling now, and walked inside Dr’s office. She found Dr Qyburn sitting behind his desk with a friendly smile. They had been friends for almost ten years now, as Cersei had been under his care and services for just as long.

“Have a seat Cersei,” Qyburn said.. “Jaime’s not with you today?”

Cersei paused, standing in an awkward half crouching position for a few seconds, before she got a grip on herself and she took a seat on the chair. She shook her head, not really wanting to get into it, but knowing she would eventually have to face it anyway sometime soon. 

“You know the drill, don’t you, Cersei?” Qyburn asked, grinning slightly as she handed Cersei the cup. Cersei nodded meekly. “You go fill that cup and when you come back, I’ll draw your blood in.”

Cersei felt herself nodding, unable to come up with any other response as her nerves held her captive. Walking to the private rest room, she tried to keep her focus at the task at hand.

Twenty minutes later—with a cup filled and her blood drawn in—she sat alone inside Qyburns expansive office. Her eyes scanned the room, trying to occupy herself because the silence was deafening to her. For eight years, she had Jaime to keep her occupied while hey waited for results of any tests inside that very office. May it be in person, or through a phone call, she always had Jaime to hold her attention and ease her nerves. It was only then that she realized how much her life had revolved around him, how much of her time had been devoted to him, how much it consisted of him, how much he became her whole world. It was such a scary thought. She had prided herself for being an independent woman, and even he had accused her of being overly so. The sudden realization f how much she had depended on her jolted her, awoke something inside her. It terrified her. It was terrifying—almost to the point of panic. How would she go on now? Was she really strong enough to continue a life without him? Whatever happened to the woman who fought for the love of her life who reached for her dreams, who made a name for herself and worked her way to the top? She felt a billion questions swirled in her head, and tears pressed against her eyes. Helplessness gripped her whole being like a vise grip.

“Cersei?” Qyburn, who was standing in front of her with a worried look on his face, asked. he was waving a hand in front of Cersei’s face and had been doing so for the past three minutes.

“Sorry,” Cersei said, blushing. “I was in another universe, obviously.” She forced a chuckle through her lips.

“Oh, well,” Qyburn replied glibly, chuckling quietly himself, “it happens.” he took a seat behind his desk again and placed the papers neatly atop the table. “So, Cersei, it seems to me that you have been overworking yourself and your body, and you are in need of a long rest. Your body gave in to the fatigue and combined with the flu, that’s why you’ve been sick for the past month. “

“Oh,” Cersei stuttered. She didn’t know whether or not she should anticipate the time Qyburn would confirm her pregnancy, whether or not there was anything to confirm, or if she wanted Qyburn to confirm it. “Is that all?”

Qyburn frowned a bit, clearly misunderstanding Cersei’s statement. “Yes, but you also have to take this seriously, Cersei,” Qyburn said. “I’d like for you to take more precaution.”

Cersei drew in a deep breath, at the same time throwing all thoughts, cautions and rationalities in the wind. She refused to live in limbo forever. “So I’m not pregnant.”

Qyburn did a double take, his eyes growing wide, before he cleared his throat. “No, Cersei, I’m sorry, but the results didn’t seem to indicate so. “Are you and Jaime trying?”

“No,” Cersei admitted. She shook her head slightly, her mind conjuring up the image of her home pregnancy test that did not exactly set her up for disappointment. The blurred line on that stupid little white stick had flickered a tiny hope inside of her. The disappointment filling her in at the moment ran through her body and left her blood cold and her heart empty. 

The pain was so unexpected, as she had made herself believe that she didn’t even want this, but it came in tidal waves—gripping her heart and squeezing it again and again until she couldn’t feel the pain anymore because the pain became a part of her. What was it they said about expectations? Expectations, more often than not, led to disappointment. But was she really expecting? Perhaps, subconsciously she was.

And now, very consciously, she was disappointed. She shook her head again and snapped back to the painful, bitter reality. “No, we aren’t. But I thought I was because…I was sick and I missed my period. It was basically the same symptoms as my second failed pregnancy…you know how that was.”

Qyburn nodded sympathetically. “Yes,” he said. “But I’m afraid that the symptoms you talk of are brought about by fatigue, and by stress.”

Cersei nodded, holding back the onslaught of tears that she knew would come. “I see,” she said, managing to only say it barely above whisper. “Cut back on work it is then. Is one week going to cut it?” 

No, she decided, not even a life time would be able to cut it when the pain was as intense as this. She realized that she never did learn.

“I cannot dictate to you how long you will heal Cersei. I can prescribe a medication to numb the pain, dictate what and when and how often and how much you should eat, but I can’t tell you when to heal.”

Oddly, Qyburns words were too prophetic.

Somehow, against all logic and all the laws of physics, she was able to thank Qyburn and walk out of the door one piece. Good thing was the fact that she was able to get out of the office without breaking down and turning into a pile of a sobbing crap. She was amazed with herself, and she would have properly acknowledged it had she not been totally out of it. But the feat didn’t last as she was woken up from her thoughts. She bumped against someone, knocking them over and sending them toppling down the floor. Snapping out of her thoughts, she crouched over and tried to help the tall, short haired woman who was sat on the floor.

“I’m so, so, sorry,” she said, not really sure if she was apologizing to the woman or perhaps to herself. She offered her hand to the woman as she still apologized profusely.

“It’s okay, I didn’t see you either,” the woman replied, turning around and facing her.

Cersei let out a soft gasp, and she tried her best not to jerk her proffered hand away—only barely succeeding in her attempt. She stood up and brushed her dressed off. She tried not to let anger get the best of her, or let the urge to grab that woman’s hair win. She heard the woman gasp as well.

“Brienne, you okay?” Cersei heard Jaime’s voice ask, and she wanted nothing more than the ground to swallow her whole. She turned around and saw Jaime standing a few feet behind her, looking concerned. He was walking towards them, obviously coming from another section of the building, but stopped dead on his tracks when he saw her face. His face turned from worried to astounded in a split second.

“Cersei?” he asked, disbelief etching both his voice and face.

She wanted to disappear that very moment or hurt someone or do something rather than just be stoic there, standing in position looking like a big fucking idiot. 

It was as if the emotional strain she was experiencing wasn’t enough. Her fate was ready to render her emotionally disabled.

Jaime walked over to them and helped Brienne up, but his eyes were trained on her face, and she was unable to look away from him. Beside him, Brienne was shifting nervously.

‘Relax,’ she wanted to say, ‘I’m not about to make a scene and tell everyone that you stole my husband away from me.’

“What are you doing here, Cersei?” Jaime asked, looking at her with his eyebrow raised. He let his hand slip away from Brienne’s waist when he saw Cersei eyeing it intently. If anything, he never really did want to hurt her.

A realization hit Cersei hard and she wanted to scream, or throw things, or maybe both. What if Brienne was pregnant and they were there to have her checked? Cersei didn’t think she could handle that, really. 

“It’s none of your business,” she said, shaking her head. It was more brusque than she had intended, but to be honest she really couldn’t say she hadn’t intended that. She was one more word away from a total breakdown, and the hospital lobby was totally not the right place to do that.

“Oh, I..,” he stammered. He scratched the back of his head and looked down the floor, unable to say anything else.

Cersei had enough. She was not about to have a little chit chat with her estranged husband and his mistress right then and there. With a sigh, she commanded her feet to start moving, and passing them, she let her shoulder collide with Brienne’s, not caring if that made her look catty. She was not a doormat, and she refused to be one. 

Brienne staggered back, but Jaime caught her.

Cersei didn’t know how long she had been walking, didn’t even realize she was even walking at all—she had been doing it like an automaton. She only woke up to reality when she felt someone grip her elbow and turn her around forcibly, effectively putting a halt to her steps.

“Cersei.” It was Jaime.

Out of her anger, and having let her rationale leave her, her hand made contact with his left cheek. The sound of skin slapping skin was loud and crisp, and whether she admitted it or not, it surprised her too. He looked at her in shock, but he did not let go of her arm.

“What the fuck do you want from me?” she asked angrily, unable to keep her voice or her temper in check.

“Cersei, please…just stop and listen for a second,” he begged, his grip still tight on her elbow even as she tried to pry it away. 

“Listen to what?” she asked. “I don’t need to listen to you, nor do you need to explain to anything to me. We’re over, remember? Weren’t those your words to me the day after you fucked me? That this marriage is over? Then why does it feel like to me that you cannot get fucking over it? You don’t love me anymore, isn’t that what you’ve been telling me, what I should believe in?” 

Jaime opened his mouth to speak but she threw him a dirty look that made him shut up immediately.

“Just leave me the fuck alone Jaime and go back to your whore. Stop giving me mixed signals, letting me have hope, keeping me hanging on a fucking thread. I am so exhausted of it all. I love you but you don’t love me anymore, you said that loud and clear and I understand it perfectly clear now as well. You moved on, let me do the same. Let me go.”

“But I do love you,” he whispered, looking unsure.

She would have laughed at him, had she not been a ball of emotions at that moment.

“Yes, you love me like a what now? Sister Friend? !” she almost screamed. “So far from the way I want you to, from the way you love that other woman, and so far from the way you used to. I am not going to play with my emotions Jaime.”

“Would you just let me explain, Cersei, please?” If he was honest, he wasn’t quite sure what he wanted to explain to her or why it mattered…but there was something inside him telling him that maybe it did matter.

“Explain what?” she asked him. “Even if you explain a billion times it won’t change anything. It won’t change the situation, it wouldn’t erase the pain Jaime. Don’t you understand that? There is nothing in this word that would change this, that would take it away. And even if there is, I don’t get to have that, you won’t give that to me. So just, enough. Enough with your attentions and your ‘I still care for you’ crap.”

“It isn’t crap Cersei,” he yelled, trying to cut through her rant. “I do care.”

“But I don’t want you to just care Jaime. I want you to love me the way you used to. And if I can’t have that, then I’d rather have nothing at all. I have had enough of you and your crap so just let over be over, because I am honestly just done.”

She pulled her arm away, and turned her back to him—physically and emotionally.


	40. Chapter 40

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I would just like to apologize for taking FOREVER to update. I've been extremely busy, So, yes, sorry :)
> 
> I've read your responses. Thank you

The skies were pitch black, and there was no stars in sight. The winds were picking up, and while she knew that there had been no storm signal, there was a possibility of a rain coming. She thought about how that perfectly matched her mood. Sitting inside her car, with the engine revving, and the music playing softly in the background, she sobbed, trying to persuade herself that once she let all of it out, she would eventually let it go as well and live again. But, deep inside, she knew she was only fooling herself. 

Why else was she sitting in her car, reminiscing the time the first time he told her he love her?

She was falling into a very destructive pattern she had created for herself. As if she wasn’t hurt enough that he was leaving her, she just really had to sleep with him again and receive his attentions as though they were a promise of change. Really, it only knocked her a few pegs down from her step by step attempt to move on. She was now almost back to square one, and if it was possible, she was really actually not even on the first step towards it anymore.

She hated to be so weak, hated to be in this position. She didn’t want to be the woman who pined for the moon—for the man that left her. She hated to be the one who just kept taking what was being dished out to her just because she was in love with him.

She was not that kind of woman. She never had been and it was now a mixture of fear, annoyance and desperation as she watched herself fall apart. She knew she was falling apart, but really, there was nothing she could do about it. She couldn’t make her feelings go away with a snap of her fingers. It was just not happening.

Her confrontation with Jaime was still ringing in her ears. She knew she was doing the right thing. It had been recurring, the way they were always screaming at each other, fighting, but the end would always be the same. She would always lose. While she harbored hopes and desires of getting him back, he didn’t feel the same, and all her attempts and efforts were futile. All of it had fallen flat. She needed to cut him off of her once and for all. She needed to find closure. She needed to start moving on.

She wiped away what she decided to be the last tears she would cry for him, for real this time. Just as she decided this, the rain started pouring, and while storms brought her anxiety and fear, this actually relaxed her. It came slow at first, then continued on with increasing intensity. Deciding then that it was time to go home, she backed her car away, and then sped off into the night.

It happened quite quickly, really, and it had been quite a combination of a lot of things—slippery road, her vision blurred by the rain beating down hard against her windshield, and a drunk driver stupidly believing that he could drive drunk in the pouring rain without meeting an accident. Cersei found her car spinning out of control with her inside of it. Her head hitting her steering wheel was the last thing she remembered before the darkness enveloped her.

She woke up a few hours later, with a blooming headache. The lights over her head blinded her and she could hear some off sound—like buzzing—that soon cleared off and she heard voices of people she was quite sure she never met before. Every slight movement felt like someone was stabbing her skull, and she moaned in pain.

“It’s okay,” she heard a soothing voice say, and she succumbed to it, letting herself drift off to sleep again.

She woke up again, later, moaning as the pain in her head registered through her fully. She tried to open her eyes, but found that she couldn’t as the lights streamed down right to her eyes, blinding her, and making her head hurt even more. Moving her head away from the light seemed to hurt more, she realized, and she stopped, trying to wake from her state without having to move a muscle but the muscle on her eyes.

“Can you hear me, Mrs. Lannister?” she heard a voice ask.

She moaned her reply, and tried to say yes but found her vocal cords very uncooperative at the moment. Her moaning would just have to do.

“Alright, she’s coming to,” she heard that voice again. That very same voice started to coax her from her state of limbo, and she tried very hard to let that voice rouse her and guide her to consciousness.

“Lord,” she murmured, her hand flying up to her head. The soft flesh of her palm met the slightly scratchy material of the gauze tape and she groaned in dismay. “Why has a marching band taken residence on my skull?” Her words came in tumbled disarray, barely understandable at all, but at least three people had chuckled.

Her vision focused and she came face to face with a handsome young man who was smiling at her.

“Mrs. Lannister, I’m Kyle, your doctor,” the young man said with a soft smile. 

“I’m in the hospital?” she asked, dumbfounded. She knew it was a stupid question that would only receive a stupid answer, but she wasn’t really sure if she was going to get through the pounding in her head, much less be coherent.

“Yes, ma’am,” the doctor replied. “Do you remember anything at all—about what happened last night?”

She tried to shake her head no, but that proved to be a very bad decision. “No,” she grumbled. Well, she could remember going to the park, crying, and then deciding to go home just as the rain had started, but that was it. How on earth did she wind up being in the hospital?

“You were in a car crash, ma’am,” the doctor said. “A drunk driver hit you and you spiraled in on the road, hitting a lamp post. You hit your head on the steering wheel, with no intensive damages fortunately. That causes your headache. Your airbag deployed properly, although you did break your right leg. Other than that, there is no major damage.”

Oh, yeah, no major damage at all.

“Oh,” she whispered, surprised and almost fearful. But she was also grateful—at least that was all she had to deal with. No amnesia, no cognitive effects, just a broken leg and a mother of all headaches.

“We’ll leave you to rest now, Mrs. Lannister,” he said. “We’ll be giving you morphine for the pain and that might get you a bit out of sorts, but it will help you through the worst.” He smiled.

“When am I to be released?” she asked, already wanting nothing more than to get out of there and be in her own bed. 

“Hmm, we do still need to keep you under observation. About three days, maximum.” The doctor chuckled when she groaned, and then left after the nurse had injected her with morphine.

The last thing she heard was the doctor saying, “No, she doesn’t know,” to someone on the other side of the swinging doors.

Throughout the day, she was in and out of it and she couldn’t decide if it was a blessed or cursed effect of the morphine. She knew that there had been people visiting her, sitting with her. Her family had been there—her brother Tyrion, father, and even nephews. She also knew that Margaery had visited along with some other colleagues, and even Oberyn had been there. Although those visits had been vague and cloudy, and for the life of her she could not remember at all what had happened during those times.  
By the time midnight struck, she was in that state where she wasn’t sure if she was dreaming things or if they really were happening. She lost count of the number of people who had been in and out of her room. 

She stirred when she felt someone play with her hair softly—as soft as the wind breezing through her hair in a fine spring day. Moaning but not fully awakening, she also smiled. Then, she felt a pair of lips press against her forehead softly, like butterfly’s wings fluttering softly against her skin. Her eyes began to flutter. She wanted to see who it was, and she forced herself awake. And although the medicine worked quite strongly on her and it took quite a lot of effort and a bit of time, her eyes finally opened slightly, only she had been too late, as that person was already halfway through the door. The light from the corridor blinded her, and that person’s back was turned from her, but she could almost swear that it was Jaime walking out of her hospital room. His back was hunched and that was all she could discern through her blurred vision and drug-induced brain.

“Jaime?” she called through a hoarse whisper, but the person didn’t turn back, as if he hadn’t heard anything. She tried again, but the doors were already swinging and she was thrust into darkness once again, alone.

Giving up, she closed her eyes and promptly drifted back to sleep.

When the morning came, she remembered her midnight encounter. She asked herself if it was real, plaguing her mind with hope and questions. She even asked the nurse if she had seen anyone enter her room, but the nurse had shook her head, saying that mostly, visitation time was only up until ten in the evening.

Left with no more recourse, she let herself believe that it had been nothing but a dream, a wonderful one, but still a dream nonetheless.

*

Three days later, Cersei was allowed to be sent home by her doctor. Smiling in sheer relief, she had smiled at her doctor gratefully. She could not wait to get out of there and have medicine-induced-haze free days. 

“Get better soon, Mrs. Lannister,” the kind doctor said. “Come back in two weeks and we’ll have that cast removed.”

“Yes, doctor,” she said. 

The doctor nodded before excusing himself as his beeper went off. 

Cersei looked at Margaery and smiled. “Let’s go,” she said. “I cannot wait to get the fuck out of here.”

She nodded. “Alright,” she said. 

“Are you sure you’re okay to stay with me for two weeks until this stupid cast comes off?” she asked uneasily, hating the fact that she has to depend on her Best friend but knowing it was entirely inevitable.

“Don’t be silly,” Margaery admonished with a slight grin. “Of course it’s okay. The house can get a bit lonely without my other family member anyway, and with my husband being in a business trip. Besides who else is going to take care of your sorry ass?”

She laughed. “Yeah,” she said. “Thank you, Margaery.”

Margaery shook her head. “No need for thanks,” she replied, reaching out to hold Cersei’s hand and squeeze it lightly. “That’s what Friends are for, right?”

Cersei nodded, grateful for her friend who had always been there for her. At least, she was sure she wouldn’t cheat on her and leave her—for that she was thankful.

When they arrived in her house, Margaery helped her up to her bedroom, then, upon her request, left her alone in there while Margaery got herself settled down in the bedroom next to hers. Her mind was running a mile per minute.

She had been in the hospital, and besides the visit from what she believed to be a dream, Jaime had not really been there. She was not even sure if he knew about her, or anything. But it assured her that what he said about caring was all crap and what she planned to do really did need to be done.

She knew what she planned to do was the right thing. And they should have done it a long time ago. She thought that maybe the reason she had avoided it was because it made everything more real than it actually was to her. She held on to a lot of false hopes, and she had denied herself of the truth that would have helped her move on. It wasn’t going to be quick, nor easy, nor calm but it was the right thing to do.

And she was well aware that not all the right thing to do would equate to the easy thing to do. It didn’t always coincide with each other and no matter how painful that was, she had to accept it.

Picking up her phone, and reaching for her phone book which sat on her night stand, she dialed a number she rarely ever called. Trying to ignore the press of tears that stung her eyes, she waited patiently for the other person to answer her call. It had to be done.

She needed it for closure. She needed it to finally move on.

“Hello,” she said when the person answered on the third ring. “Yes, it’s Cersei. Listen, I need a favor.” She sniffed and pressed the heel of her hand against her eyes, wishing that through this she could suppress the tears that seem to flow from her eyes unheeded.


	41. Chapter 41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your reviews you wonderful people

She clutched her purse like a lifeline, as she stood in front of Jaime’s doorstep. She felt like drowning—drowning in pain and sorrow and all the unpleasant feelings that seemed to be a lot worse than all the feelings she felt when Jaime had told her that he had been seeing someone else, or when he had told her their marriage was over. Her legs and hands were trembling and she felt sick to her stomach. 

She swore she would never have to go through this ever, but here she was.

Jaime opened the door a few minutes later, looking disgruntled as all hell. He looked quite miserable, like he had been losing quite a lot of nights of sleep. He looked surprised to see her there, and maybe it really was a surprise. 

She had emotionally prepared herself for this, waiting for three weeks after her accident before she had decided to come down and finally confront him. She now realized that she had been fooling herself and all her preparation had been futile. Nothing would ever prepare anyone for this.

“Cersei?” he asked. “What are you doing here?”

‘Look me in the eye and tell me you love me. Tell me you changed your mind. Tell me now’, she begged in her mind. ‘Say something and take the pain away. Come back to me, love. Come back to me now.’

She cleared her throat, but the lump in her throat was entirely too big, and she struggled to swallow it. She could not break down there. Not there, and absolutely not at that time. “I, uh, we, um, I wanted to talk to you,” she said. “Can I come inside?”

Jaime seemed to wake up from his surprised state and he jumped aside, giving her ample space to enter. And with a determination she certainly didn’t feel, she strode through the house. The house was a mess, bottles everywhere, clothes carelessly strewn everywhere, and boxes and boxes of unknown things scattered about the house. She looked at him with question dancing in her eyes. Questions she did not even dare raise. She needed to get this done quickly, before she lost all nerve.

“Is there anything I can get you, Cersei?” he asked her, gesturing towards the kitchen.

“No,” she said, shaking her head. No time to waste. “No need, I don’t plan on staying long. I just need to give you something.”

“Oh okay,” he said. He looked confused now. “How have you been, Cersei?” It was a stupid question, and she didn’t really know how to respond to that. “Are you okay?”

“Are you?” she asked instead. He didn’t look fine to her at all.

“I uh, I’ve been fine,” he said, his gaze dropping to the floor. 

“How’s Brienne?”

“Are you really interested to know?” he asked ironically. No, she didn’t care, so she shook her head. “What was it that you need to give me?”

Cersei swallowed again, and then pulled out a manila envelope from her purse. She handed it to him, and watched as he opened it and pulled out the contents. 

“Cersei?” he asked as his eyes scanned through the content.

“Those are the divorce papers my lawyer drafted for us. If there’s anything you needed changed, you can contact her, or your lawyer, whichever the case may be,” she said. 

“Cersei, I-,” he stammered, but promptly closed his mouth.

She wanted to look at him but couldn’t. Her eyes remained staring at the ground. She could not look at him; could not bear to see the relief in his eyes for this. She couldn’t.

But there was no relief to see, had she just been brave enough to look him in the eyes. His eyes and expression was unreadable and he was quiet. She felt like shrinking in the silence. The quiet was deafening, and the permanent and inevitable goodbye hung around them like a bad cloud. It was thick and heavy and it hung so heavily in the air, she could almost taste and touch it.

‘Say something,’’she begged in her mind, like a mantra. She wished he would say something, anything really, give her hope of another chance, a reconciliation, a new beginning. ‘Say something, Jaime, please.’

But her prayers were met with silence.

She had always been small—small as a kid, too small as an adult—but no other time made her feel smaller than she did right that moment. She was so small that she was already losing herself in the myriad of emotions that were drowning her. In her mind’s eyes she was like running away from these emotions but they were catching up on her, and no matter what the distance or her speed, all her stumbles and falls impeded her from really running away from them. They always caught up to her, and threatened to swallow her whole being.

She closed her eyes and threw her head back slightly, letting her tears go back to where they wouldn’t fall, wouldn’t stream down her cheeks.

‘Say something,’ she thought silently. ‘Don’t let me give up on us just yet. Say something.’

But only silence spoke to her in loud volumes, until she couldn’t take it anymore, and she need to get out of there or she would lose her mind.

“My lawyer will be in touch,” she finally whispered brokenly. She would have swallowed her pride and walked through the line for him, if he asked. But their love was not meant to be anymore and she was now bringing them both the closure they needed. It was her trying to pave her way to moving on.

She turned around and started walking away before she was tempted to whisper to him how much she loved him and beg him to come back. She couldn’t allow herself to beg.

She had not gone so far before she found herself pinned against a wall. Jaime was looming over her and his mouth was on hers in an instant, plundering her own with his skilled tongue. She gasped as his tongue reached the caverns of her mouth, drawing out a moan from her with skilled precision, knowing just how soft, how hard, how deep she wanted to be kissed.

But the words she wanted to hear never escaped his lips—only moans and grunts left them. She pushed him away from her and stared at him, willing him to speak those very words, but the words were lost, as a full minute passed by in silence.

She was not waiting for him to make up his mind. She waited long enough already.

She was moving on.

“Goodbye, Jaime,” she whispered, her voice breaking. 

Say something, Jaime.

But again, he said nothing. She shook her head in defeat. She walked away from him, trying to gather round the fragments of herself—whatever was left of her. She closed the door behind her with a big sigh and a shattered heart. A shattered heart she was sure there was no way of ever being glued back together.

She wouldn’t let her tears flow now. She wouldn’t fall apart. But it all had been a futile attempt at pep talking herself as the tears fell from her eyes unheeded and she was left with no recourse but wipe them away angrily and curse herself for being weak like this.

She drove aimlessly for awhile, letting the winds take her where she ought to be. She hadn’t really planned on where she was heading, but after an hour long drive, she found herself right at the beach house she owned with Jaime. It had always been her quiet place, their quiet place, which is probably why they had bought it right before they got married.  
Letting the cold water soak her feet, she stood by the shore and stared off into the distance. This was where it would eventually lead to, she knew that. The moment he had told her that he was seeing another woman—she knew this was where it would all lead to. Perhaps, he had seen it in her eyes, read it in her demeanor, felt it with his uncanny ability to know what she needed and wanted that she wasn’t prepared to give this to him just yet. She had to do this by herself, at her own time and accord. Perhaps the reason why he hadn’t served her with the divorce paper himself was not because he wanted to give himself time before to change his mind—which he did not, anyway—but because he knew she needed to give herself time to change her mind.

“I love you,” she whispered to the imaginary image of Jaime in her head, back in the days before Brienne came into the picture, when it was just him and her against the world, when they were happy. 

‘You make me feel things that no one ever had in my whole life, and I don’t really know what to do with that or where that leaves me. It’s hard for me to give anyone a part of me and let them have it, because, I admit, I have been scared, still am. But I’m willing to try with you,’ he told her when he had asked her to be with him.

‘I love you, and it took me too long to admit that to you but I’ve known it

‘I’m not your typical prince charming. I still have temper tantrums, and I have mood swings, and I say things in my head without minding if they are offensive or not…I just say it…and I may not even sweet or there all the time. I can’t even be a proper boyfriend to you sometimes…but you have to believe me that you’re the only woman I ever loved this intensely…and that’s terrifying and wonderful at the same time. But above all the emotions that overwhelm me, I have this vision of you coming home to me every night, and I’d be the one to make you smile even when you’re having a bad day…I’d be the one to secure your happiness like you secure mine…I want to be the one you seek for comfort, love, happiness, and all of the above. What I’m trying to say is that I want you to be mine…now and for the rest of our lives,” he said when he asked her hand for marriage, with him on his knees, holding her hand, and looking at her with vulnerability that she had a steady stream of tears flowing down her cheeks.

‘I promise to cherish you, love you, adore you for the rest of our lives,’ he had promised on their wedding day and she had promised the exact same thing.

The memories brought tears in her eyes and tore at her heart, leaving her broken and shattered. She had never imagined them ending this way. She never imagined them ending at all. When she married him she had honestly thought that they would last forever. She had believed in them…in him. She’d have followed him everywhere, went to hell and back just for him.

But maybe it was not meant to be.

You’re the one that I love but now I’m saying goodbye, she thought.

She could only secure his happiness for so long until he found someone else to do it for him. She realized now that the love Jaime felt for Brienne was so much more than the love he felt for her as he was willing to break his vows only for her. He had let go of his morals and values and all the things he held so dear to his heart because of the all-consuming love he had claimed to have felt for Brienne.

He had, in a very clear way, told her that their marriage was over and it was all for Brienne. She understood that now.

She realized with stark clarity now, as well, that she would never feel the same way, or ever have the same thing Brienne and Jaime have or what she and Jaime used to have. She had sealed her own fate. Loving him, and him alone, had left her painted into a corner. She was never going to love again. Jaime had taken all of her and left her with nothing. 

Crashing into the salty waters of the see on her knees and with a guttural sob that perfectly conveyed her anguish, she let it all go. She let the pain of loving and losing him go through her cries. She let the pain of never winning him back go.

In her mind’s eyes she could see herself with him on their wedding day—a picture of the perfect, loving couple—such that they used to be. She could see herself as she smiled radiantly at him, and could see his eyes as they stared lovingly at her. It had been too long.

But Cersei didn’t know. She didn’t realize that she had escaped his house way too quickly, turned her head away from him too definitely that she hadn’t seen him walk over to the couch and sink into it as he stared at the divorce papers in his hands.

She hadn’t seen it.

She didn’t know it.

But she did know one thing, was sure of it.

She was sure that she left all of the other pieces inside his house, with him, right at his feet.


	42. Chapter 42

Cersei rolled over her huge, empty bed and groaned. The incessant ringing of her phone had woken her from her slumber. Blindly, she reached for her phone which sat on her bedside table, knocking over her little alarm clock in the process.

“Shit,” she muttered, opening her eyes now and sitting up. She picked up the battered alarm clock and placed it on its rightful place. She noticed how pitch dark it was, and looked at the time. Eight pm, it read. She couldn’t decide at the moment whether it was too early or too late for her to be speaking to anyone, considering her state. To boot, she had a wicked, pounding headache and all of her muscles were protesting. She supposed it was what two days in bed, crying herself into a fitful, restless sleep did to her. She’d really rather not face reality yet, much less talk to anyone, but she picked up the phone anyway and placed it against her ear. “Hello?” she said groggily.

“Hey?” It was Genna. “Did I wake you?” Concern laced her voice.

Cersei sighed. Ever since accepting the fact that separating with Jaime didn’t mean she could actually cut ties with all her family member, she and Genna had been talking more regularly.   
“You didn’t wake me. I was just laying in bed, watching TV.” she lied

“Oh,” Genna said, and then falling silent, having really no idea how to breach the subject that she wanted to talk to her about.

Cersei knew why Genna had called. And to be honest, she didn’t want anymore to beat around the bush. They all knew it was going to happen anyway. Who didn’t? Eventually, every story has its ending.

“I know why you called,” Cersei said, filling in the silence that enveloped them. “Jaime told you, didn’t he?”

Why did it feel like it had been forever since she broke her heart, like she had been carrying the pain in her for years, when in reality, she only did serve him the papers merely two days ago?

“Oh,,” Genna sighed sadly. “He did, and I’m so sorry…I know I shouldn’t pry but it breaks my heart. I mean I should have known…and as much as I love Him, I hate him for doing what he did.”

Cersei fidgeted with the t-shirt she wore—his tee shirt, one that he had left whilst he was packing up all of his things. She sat up straighter this time and thought of how to respond. She knew, from previous conversation, that a few days after that dinner Jaime had told them the real truth about their separation, and that he was seeing someone. It broke their heart then, and it broke her Aunts heart now that they weren’t able to work things out. But, if anyone’s heart was most broken, it was hers surely.

“I know,” she whispered, fighting to keep the tears at bay. “I know. And I’m sorry, too, but it’s just…we just couldn’t work it out.” It was true. There was no working out when the other had fallen out of love. There was just no sense in holding on to something that just was not even there anymore. It was pining for the moon, trying to grasp the smoke, and trying to squint through the night to see the air. It was just not possible.

“If you could have just seen Jaime, when he told me…”

Cersei gasped inaudibly. Did she hear Aunt right? “Wait, he told you in person?” she asked. “He’s there in there right now?”

“Yes,” affirmed. “He is. He said he needed time away.

“Oh,” she said, and then promptly falling silent, as she didn’t really know what to say. She hadn’t known he was in the Casterly. She supposed she didn’t even have the right to know anymore.

When the silence became too much to bear, she spoke up quietly, spilling to her mother in law what she had been wondering about. “Genna, have you met…her?” She couldn’t even say her name.

Genna was quiet for a moment, before she responded with a trepid voice. “Yeah,” she said. “Once, a few days after that dinner we had…she went over to have lunch with us. Jaime was there too.”

Cersei tried not to let it affect her, but it did. It would always probably sting her how easy she was being replaced…how easily she was already replaced. 

“Oh, God, darling, it was just the most awkward thing ever,” Genna confessed, rushing on forward before Cersei could even speak.

“Awkward?” Cersei asked, mildly surprised, but not really not expecting that kind of situation either. To make matters worse, she could vividly picture Jaime moving on top of her the night of that dinner. It was definitely not the image she needed whilst conversing with his Aunt.

“Yes,” . “Awkward. She just didn’t know how to act around us I guess. If I was in her place, and I knew that the man I was dating was married before…no while we were getting together, I just wouldn’t know how to act either. And furthermore, the kids were there, and she didn’t know how to act around them, much less talk to them. They kept asking where their auntie Cersei was, and no one knew how to answer that, even if we’ve already explained some things to them. You know children.”

“I know,” she said. She really didn’t know how to react. And she certainly didn’t need this now, but she did ask for it. She knew her aunt to be straightforward and blunt. She should expect nothing less. “You know, you should learn how to like her, …she’s going to be a part of a family.”

“God forbid,” Genna said empathically.

“Jaime loves her,” Cersei said. “He loves her enough to throw away an eight year marriage to be with her. She has given him something that I couldn’t…something I didn’t know how to give.”

“Did she jump out of bloody chandelier whilst shagging him?” Genna asked sarcastically, causing Cersei to giggle embarrassedly.  
.

“Well,” Genna said, haughtily.

Cersei wanted to ask more—a certain part of her was craving for the pain. But Genna had long gone and moved on to another topic and she didn’t want to open up about it anymore and seem as interested as she really was about it. Soon enough, they would both be living very separate lives.

“How are you?” Genna asked suddenly, shocking Cersei to silence. Genna was heartbroken with the way things had turned out, and if she was honest, it looked just as rough for Jaime, but really, how was Cersei?

“I’m…” Cersei trailed off. How was she really? She didn’t exactly know. If spending two days in bed crying her heart out was any indication, she wasn’t at all fine. “It’s been rough, honestly. But I’ll live through it.” She would. She always did. “How is he?” She was almost half afraid of the answer, if she was being honest with herself. She’d like to make herself believe that she wouldn’t care if he was happy and relieved that they were finally and officially separating now but she knew that if it were truly the case, then she wouldn’t know what to do with herself and her emotions.

“I’ve heard He’s been taking it hard,” Genna confessed quietly.

Cersei could not decide if it was true or just a by product of her aunt’s desire for her and Jaime to get back together. But why would Genna ever lie to her? “I thought he’d be happy, you know…relieved,” Cersei said softly. Of all the reactions that she had imagined him having, this was totally not one of those.

“Far from it, to be honest,” Genna said. “He looked gaunt and depressed, and generally just miserable.” Genna sighed. “Makes me wonder why he’s letting you both go through this,” she added.

“He’s just taken aback, I guess,” she said, trying to rationalize everything and quell all the questions and emotions inside of her. “He never expected to be the one to be served with the divorce papers. He ought to be happy.”

“He’s depressed Cersei,” Genna insisted, not entirely sure why she was doing so, but knowing that it was something that needed to be said. “I asked Dr about it. He said it was quite for him to be so, even when, you know, he has her.”

She wanted to tell Genna to stop, to tell her that it was only confusing her even more, but she couldn’t. it felt as though the masochist part of her was awoken—alive and kicking.

“It doesn’t change anything,” Cersei said, “She’s the one he’d chosen…because if not, he would have done something to prove otherwise. I’ll have to deal with that now and move on. I had to do this to keep him happy. No sense keeping him but making him miserable.”

“But it isn’t making you happy,” Genna pointed out.

She sighed. No, she wasn’t happy. She doubted she’d ever be ever again. “Rather this that staying in a marriage that would have made us both miserable in the end,” she said. Sadly, she noted, it was the truth.

They chatted for a bit more, and before Cersei noticed it, it was already ten in the evening. Genna, sensing Cersei’s exhaustion, bid her goodbye and extracted a promise from her to meet when Julie came to visit. Cersei, unable to deny her, of course said yes. With that said, Genna wished her a goodnight and hang up. When Cersei put the phone down, she sighed and plopped down on a bed with a grunt. Without having noticed it, she promptly fell asleep. 

From the distance, Cersei could hear the shrilly ringing of her phone, again. She muttered some profanities. It was only four hours after she had fallen asleep, she seriously didn’t need nor want to be awake just yet. Reaching over for her phone, and groaning as she did so, she picked it up and placed it against her ear. 

“Hello,” she drawled sleepily. Her eyes were still closed and she was sprawled in her bed, willing herself not to fall back to sleep, just so she wouldn’t come off as a rude-ass woman.

But no one answered, and she could only hear some shuffling in the background.

“Hello,” she repeated, feeling a slight bit more awake now. “Who is this? Hello?”

“Jaime!” she heard a male voice from the other side. She could barely believe her ears, and she jolted awake, looking at her home screen and finally checking who it was that was calling her.

It was indeed Jaime. She gasped, but placed the phone back into her ear quickly.

“What the bloody hell do you think you’re doing?” a male voice, one that she recognized as Tyrion’s, said angrily. 

“Nothing,” Jaime slurred. “I am trying to c-call, Cer..,.”

Cersei heard some shuffling as she imagined Tyrion grabbing the phone from Jaime. She then heard a thud, and she guessed that it was probably because Tyrion tossed the phone on a couch or something.

“What the bloody hell do you think that would do?” Tyrion continued. “It’s past 2 am in there right now! And what the bloody fuck are you doing being drunk at 10 am?”

Jaime hiccupped. “I arm nort drunk you weasssseeellll,” Jaime continued to slur. Cersei knew he was now dead drunk, but was also just as dead set on denying it.

“Yep,” Tyrion said sarcastically. “You just happen to reek of alcohol, and slurring, oh and not to mention drunk dialing your ex wife at two am her time, right?”

“Yep,” Jaime agreed. “I was just goin’ to check on ‘er…”

“Check on her?” Tyrion asked incredulously. “How about you check yourself first? Father called me saying that your caretaker said you didn’t come home at all last night, and I come here to find you drunk.”

“Pssh,” Jaime said. “I’m perfff-perfecty firneeee,” he slurred some more.

Cersei would have chuckled but she was to engrossed in this conversation to do much more than just listen.

“Yes, you are perfectly fine and happy,” tyrion said. “So then pray do tell why you’re heavily drunk at ten in the morning, looking miserable?”

Jaime didn’t seem to have made any reply, and Cersei listened in as Tyrion continued on his rant.“I’ll tell you why,” Tyrion said. “Because you know you fucked up so much, but there is not a single goddamn thing you can do it about it anymore. Your own wife served you with divorce papers, mate. And you damn well deserve it too. But even then, even when you know it so, even when this meant you can be free, you cannot be happy, and you know why? Because you’re too damn proud to admit that you’ve done her wrong and that you’re still in love with your wife.”

With that, Cersei hung up the phone, not knowing what to do, but knowing very well that she would start screaming if she heard more.


	43. Chapter 43

It had been a few weeks since that phone call from Jaime and Jenna. She had not called Jaime back to ask him about it, nor had she asked Jenna or Tyrion. She just decided to forget it, well, try to put it off her brain for now.There was always time for confrontation later. She didn’t want to give herself hope of any kind. And she also didn’t want to ask questions and be given answers she might not like. She was not prepared for that. She still had a reason to lament over things, however, she told herself.

Although, she had finished her choreography job for Oberyn and had politely decline the extended invitation to go to his town as well, citing her injury from her crash as reason. She just was not up to it, emotionally and physically. She just didn’t have it in her to push any harder anymore. She could barely push herself. 

She knew it could most probably be brought about by the fact that this was the first Christmas in years that she had spent without Jaime. It brought a dull ache in her heart, and a sharp longing. She could remember all the Christmas days and nights they spent together—may it be the time they opened their presents, or with their families, or colleagues, or together, in their bed, snuggled up and greeting each other a very Merry Christmas in the sweetest of ways.

But those days were gone and she was faced with the fact that from now on, she would have to spend Christmas nights alone, staring at the soft glow of the Christmas lights on the tree she had forgone putting this year. She sat there, in front of her fireplace, feeling so desolate and alone that she almost didn’t know what to do with herself.

Her friend, Margaery had offered for her to celebrate Christmas with them, but she had declined. She didn’t really feel like celebrating Christmas at all. She didn’t feel like living, much less celebrate Christmas. She would rather sit in her big, empty house alone and stare at her fireplace, wishing for things that would never be. Sad.

She tried to imagine how it could be had they been able to have children or even just a child. Maybe, it would be easier for her now. She thought of the one she recently thought she was bearing. The tears pressed against her eyes at the thought. She could not give him what he wanted, couldn't be the woman he needed and wanted. 

And here they were now.

Sighing, she stood up and turned out the fire before she gathered all her things and started walking upstairs to her bedroom. Her light footsteps were echoing inside the spacious, empty house and she had never felt more alone. And on Christmas Eve too.

She was surprised when her doorbell chimed. She went still, thinking it was nothing but her imagination as she was feeling so exceptionally alone that night. But it chimed a second time and she was sure that it was true and not just a product of her imagination. Walking towards the door, she held her breath. It could be anyone, and she just did not feel like facing anyone at the moment, or entertaining anyone in her extremely blue Christmas.

"Oberyn?" she asked softly, belying her surprise, when she opened the door. "What are you doing here?"

"I just wanted to give you this," he said, handing her a wrapped parcel which was square shaped. "Merry Christmas."

"Oh that's just, that is just too much," she stammered, pushing his hand back. She did not buy presents this year save for her immediate family, so she did not feel right accepting his. 

"It's Christmas, Cersei," Oberyn reminded her, smiling softly at her. "You don't have to give anything back."

She took the parcel from him with a grateful smile. It was an extremely sweet gesture, and it brought a stream of tears on her eyes. Oberyn reached out to wipe it away. 

"Do you want to come in?" she asked him as she held the gift in her hands.

Oberyn only shook his head. "No need. I need to get back home. My kids are staying with me for Christmas."

"Oh, okay," she said, looking down. 

"Oh and before I forget," he said suddenly, reaching in his suit jacket and pulling a card from inside. "Here" He handed her the card. "Don't read till I'm gone, okay?"

She nodded. "Alright," she said. "Thank you, Oberyn."

She bit her lip for a second, deciding, trying to gauge the repercussions of her possible next action. Then, throwing all cautions in the wind, she reached up for Oberyn's head, pulling it down next to hers. She looked at him, in his eyes, and aimed for his lips. At the last minute, though, she moved his head to the right, and let her kiss fall to the upper corner of his lips. She just couldn't do it.

"Merry Christmas, Oberyn," she whispered, letting go of him, and sighing.

Oberyn smiled softly at her and nodded. "Merry Christmas ," he said back, before bidding her goodnight and walking towards his car. "I-uh Cersei, um, goodnight."

She nodded, "Goodnight, Oberyn," she said and then watched as he walked away into the night. 

Her eyes darted to the gate and she could see a silhouette moving away from her property. She squinted her eyes and tried to see who it was, or even just make a mere image from the shadows, but nothing. Perhaps it was nothing but her imagination.

She walked back inside and headed straight to her bedroom. She shut the door softly behind her and let her back rest against the door, sliding down as her knees buckled. Every emotion on her body was being brought out off of her by Oberyn and by the fact that it is Christmas Eve. It was extremely nice of Oberyn to be bringing her presents, and she did feel like special because of his treatments but if she was being honest with herself, it only brought memories of the Christmases she had spent with Jaime. All the Christmases she had spent in the one place she loved the most--his arms.

Her hands shakily tore off the wrapper. She found herself staring at a black box and she could feel her heart rising up to her stomach. She believed Oberyn when he said that he would not rush her, and aside from the soft kiss they had shared before in her kitchen, he had been nothing but patient with her. She was grateful for his friendship, but if this box meant anything but friendship, she just wouldn't know what to do.

"God," she whispered softly. She opened the lid and she came face to face with diamonds shining brightly against the moonlight streaming down her windows. A small gasp escaped her lips and she reached out to trace the intricate design of the brooch cushioned safely inside the box. Her eyes grew wide and she felt tears press against her eyes. 

"Cersei,

'I am hoping that you find this as beautiful as I had. And even more so, I hope our friendship would turn out to be just as beautiful.

\--Oberyn"

It was beautiful, so beautiful, and she could not believe that Oberyn would go all the way to give her such a beautiful gift.

But then again, he was crystal clear with his intentions, and she supposed this was only a small thing compared to what he wanted and what he could offer.

She wished she could give back just as much, but she knew it in her heart that she's already given her all to her soon to be ex-husband.

*

As much she would have wanted to, she couldn’t hide out in her house forever. She did have social obligations and one of those was to attend parties and pretend that she enjoyed them. It was New Year's Eve after all. Maybe she could ring in the New Year happily.

She doubted it, but she still hoped.

So getting ready for Ned’s party, she willed her lethargic body out of bed and donned on her newly bought black dress. She did go out a little while after Christmas for some retail therapy. She could almost considered herself shallow for letting clothes and other little things be the balm to her gaping wound, but she didn't. Whatever it took to forget the pain inside, she was willing to do.

She had her driver drive her to the party, but told him to go home and celebrate New Year's Eve himself. She would just take a cab,She had wanted to ask Ned, when he invited her to the party, if Jaime would be there, but she held her tongue. She was starting a new life. That new life did not include dwelling on her estranged husband’s plans or whereabouts.

She thought of how there was a time in both of their lives that she was very much involved in his life, and that she knew his whereabouts. And that she was most definitely included in his plans.

That was then, though.

And this was now.

Snapping out of her depressing thoughts, she climbed down the car and bid her driver goodbye. She walked the few steps from Ned’s driveway to his front door, and from there she could hear the loud music blasting from the inside. She could feel that he had invited a lot of people, and she tried to gauge if she was prepared for that--prepared to be labeled as the divorced woman, the ex Mrs. Lannister. 

Truth be told, she wasn't. She would never be. But she realized that she'd have to face it sooner or later. It was bound to happen.

"Cersei," Ned greeted her exuberantly, grinning from ear to ear, and pulled her to a hug. He was, fortunately for her, the one who had opened the door.

Cersei gave him a small, genuine smile and placed her arms around him as well. "Hello, Ned she said, letting herself be pulled to the living room and out to the backyard where the party was happening. "Thanks for having me over."

Ned looked at her oddly, giving her a weird sense of comfort, before chuckling and pulling her closer. "Oh, we are friends, not just because of your, er, Jaime," he said. "We're friends because we are, alright?"

She nodded, smiling now herself. She had always been afraid of this, but Ned had just assured her, and for once she was not going to doubt him or any of her friends.

"I do feel the need to warn you, though, Cersei," Ned said, his face stricken, and his voice a little strained. "That I invited him, tonight, as well."

She nodded. She could not change that. Jaime and Ned were friends after all. And it was only logical. She could and would not hold a grudge on Ned over that.

"Sure," she said, nodding slowly. "He's your friend too."

A look flashed across Ned features that Cersei found hard to read. She gave him a confused look and placed her hand on his arm.

"Is there any hope that you and Jaime, could, you know, get back together?" he asked with a hopeful look on his face. He was staring at her intensely. He might have teased them relentlessly before, but that was only because he found it amusing how in love Jaime was with Cersei. But to be honest, he envied them. He was sad to see it all being thrown away just like that.

Cersei sighed and let her eyes drop to her shoes. She couldn't bear to see the look in Ned’s eyes. "If it was all up to me, he wouldn't have found any reason to leave. We'd still be together right now, ringing in the new year together."

She sensed that Ned wanted to pull her close and sympathize, but she knew that he knew that it was the last thing she needed then. She didn't want it.

"But it's a new year, and I don't want to live in the past year. It is over," she added, trying to wriggle out of the intensely awkward situation. "I need a change." She gave him a big smile and hugged him.

He hugged her back, and smiled at her, kissing her cheek. "Alright then sweetheart," Ned said. "Enjoy tonight."

"I plan to," she replied with a grin on her face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you review this one no matter how lame and stupid this chapter is.

**Author's Note:**

> I'd really appreciate a review


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